What the fuck?! Santa?

[flumpybear]

Help - do I tell my 10 year old, year 5 that Santa is not real? She's just told me the boys st school have told her it's fake and it's parents and asked me ... help!
We also have a 6 year old boy who told me when he was 3 Santa was fake - said it many times since but still 'believes' ... apparent ... I'm not sure if he's digging or hiding his knowledge lol!!

What did you do!

AIBU to lie still?

I went with Santa was a real person but he never delivered presents to the whole of the world

At ten she’s old enough to know. There are good tips online for how to explain in a positive and affirming way. If you think your 6yo doesn’t know you’ll need to get her on board with keeping it a secret.

I think once they ask you should tell them the truth.

Tell the truth.

at that age i went with santa couldnt deliver all the parcels in one night so he gave us parents responsibility for giving them to children on christmas day

My 13yo has never asked so we've never said anything.

Could you say "what would you like to believe?"

I had this exact conversation with DD aged 10 yesterday morning. She asked why we tell these 'lies' about Santa and I told her its traditional to make Christmas as magical as possible for children and Santa is part of that. All very jovial and light. Also asked her not to spoil it for her brother just yet.

We told the boys that Santa was all about a real character that was around long ago, and that once they don’t believe the fairy tale they’re allowed to become Santa. They’re given a £5 budget to choose a genuinely secret present for someone and deliver it (usually a friend or neighbour) and they love the surprise. We make a big deal of them becoming part of the magic for younger ones and helping to keep the traditions going.

Thehop love that idea! Stealing it!

My mum always said to us
“What do you think?”

Either we really did believe or it gave us the chance to choose to believe or we said that we didn’t and she had the ‘keep the magic for the little ones chat’ with us.

I think that children will often choose to continue to believe even when deep down they know.

I told DD when she asked around age 8.

She took it fine and understood that it was about making it magic when she was little.

I said he's real if you believe he's real good it of course he only comes if you believe.

Which was enough to make the older one pretend and keep the secret for younger siblings.

TBH I think they all know by Yr 5,some are better at or more willing to pretend

Tell her the truth. She's certainly old enough to know it and she has asked. She deserves an honest answer.

I just told them I believe in santa and if you don't want to then that's ok.

Thehop I love that idea - you’re actually keeping Santa real .

My parents never told me he wasn’t real, I just figured it out. There was never a need for us to sit down and have a big chat about it.

I’ve never made a big deal about Santa, he just brings the stocking of very small token gifts!! I’m sure my eldest stopped believing aged 6!! Big pressies under the tree are from myself! Why should Santa get the credit!! It was no less magical

I can't remember how old I was when I found out. I do remember a year where I really really wanted to believe but deep down knew it was mum and dad..and I think I saw them putting them out. I hated it when I knew. It felt like all the magic had gone! But then Christmas just becomes different doesn't it. You make it magical with other things

I don't think I've ever had a conversation with my parents about Father Christmas (never Santa in our family) not existing. It was all handled with questions like "what do YOU think?" As far as I know, my mum still believes.

Thehop that's lovely. I'm so doing that when my DC ask me.

I just told mine he was real once and it's his spirit that we feel and which makes the magical feeling we experience.

I told my 11 year old as he’s at senior school, he wasn’t bothered, I’ve told him he can help do his little brothers stocking, he was more excited that he could eat Santa’s mince pie!

There's a brilliant line in a Libby Purves book about this:

'That's a shame. When people stop believing in Father Christmas he can't come any more, but their parents usually take over so no-one's disappointed on Christmas morning, even though it's not quite the same

That lets DC cling on to half belief for as long as they need, but gives you cover if you're spotted getting stuff that turns up in a stocking.

It always seems so harsh when parents sit their children down and say, 'Oh yes I've been lying to you!' I think there are nicer ways of handling it. Something along the lines of 'Father Christmas is the embodiment of The Christmas Spirit. As children grow up it's natural for their belief in the magic to fade so he's no longer real for them. That's when it becomes their job to help spread the magic for little ones. If you feel you're past the age for Father Christmas now that's ok, you can write a list for me if you'd rather? Or if you feel you have enough belief left to have him come again this year that's ok too'.

DS10 knows. He clocked it a few years ago I think but he’s such a good egg he keeps up appearances for his younger brother and sister. I had the chat with him early this year and explained about the real Saint Nicholas etc. He didn’t care, he’s just excited that he gets to join in with ‘being’ Santa - mostly he wants to come up with elf stuff

My eldest is 20, and I still haven't had the conversation with him about Santa not being real!