What the fuck?! Santa?

[flumpybear]

Help - do I tell my 10 year old, year 5 that Santa is not real? She's just told me the boys st school have told her it's fake and it's parents and asked me ... help!
We also have a 6 year old boy who told me when he was 3 Santa was fake - said it many times since but still 'believes' ... apparent ... I'm not sure if he's digging or hiding his knowledge lol!!

What did you do!

AIBU to lie still?

In Y5, I would tell him that’s right, Santa doesn’t exist.

That has never stopped me from doing all the stocking etc.. (in on repeat House, Sandra has always been bringing all the presents, not just stockings). my dcs are teens now and they still really enjoy the stocking at the end of their bed etc... it’s part of the tradition of Christmas.

Tbh too, I’ve seen many parents having issue in Y6 about telling their dcs because they were worried about them going into secondary still believing. So if he has some doubts, then I would use the opportunity. It wouod be worse to try and convinve him it’s true to them tell him in 6 months/a year, it was just a story.

I told my daughter (when she asked) that Santa is real for children in the western world.

My 10 year old still believes, hasn't questioned me yet. As far as I'm aware all his friends still believe as well.

I just think they are young for such a short while, why bother ruin it. More than likely this will be his last year. We start secondary school here later than the UK so no need to say anything yet!

I wonder how sheltered all these children who apparently genuinely believe in Santa at age 10+ are. Aren't they aware, in a general way, that there are children elsewhere living in absolute poverty and starving? How can they believe that there's a magical man who doesn't help those children but instead uses his powers to bring kids in England plastic tat?

And no, I'm not saying people should be joyless and not enjoy Christmas because others are suffering, it's just a basic critical thinking issue.

I actually think it's far more likely that the older 'believers' are just playing along, and the 'someone at school told me he isn't real' is a coded request to stop the game now.

@ProfessorMoody totally agree. It's sad that people think 10 is too old for magic. My 10 year old is highly intelligent, in the top 20% of her year group (as tested by the 11 plus exam) and a very critical thinker. That doesn't stop her still believing in magic.

My 12 year old I'm pretty sure no longer really believes but knows enough not to say anything (and also probably sort of wishes /hopes it's all true)

As others have said, the Polar express theory works for me. If people say he doesn't exist it's because they don't believe, they can't hear the bell. If you believe, he exists.

Ever since my DD told me at 3 he's not real, we've followed her lead in that it's a giant game the whole world plays together. No one ever says he isn't real though, because that is against the unspoken rules of the game.

I really like the approach that we're all playing an imagination game together. When my ds and younger DD question it I'll go with that too. I think it keeps the magic that way.

@sassielassie I love that! Why not continue to enjoy the magic. My mum still does me a stocking, I'm 40 (she doesn't sneak into my house to put it at the end of my bed though...!)

To those who don't agree with lying to their children.
I imagine if you don't lie, you'd have pretty disastrous mental health issues later on...

'That drawing is rubbish' (to the 3 year old scribble)
'You were absolutely pathetic in that swimming lesson' (to the 5 year old with a fear of water)
'That outfit is ridiculous' (to the 7 year old experimenting with styling)
'You are absolutely shit at running' (to the child who comes last at sports day)
'I'm not surprised you didn't get chosen for the school play. Your acting is terrible'

Etc etc

We lie on a daily basis to our children.

Bonbon - mine's the same. Highly intelligent and academic as well as musical and arty. He's also not sheltered in the slightest and is far more polite than a lot of Mumsnetters.

Santa only comes to those who believe in him... If you don't believe, you don't get.
And if youve been naughty you get sprouts.
I kept getting stockings until I had my dd in my 30s

I'm sure many children who are ten are prepared to collude in Santa to eek out the magic / stocking presents but as for believing - surely not?

I think it was interesting that, in the link posted above, children say they stopped believing at a much younger age than parents thouht their dc stopped believing. I know they were 2 different cohorts, but you really wouldn't have expected such a large variance overall.
I think kids 8+ are humouring parents.

DD knows, and she knows that we know she knows....IYKWIM.

She tried to challenge it last year, but scared herself into not doing it, just in case. And then she hung over my shoulder ( I was sitting on the floor at the time, after a couple of glasses of wine) and challenged Dh and I to know which one of us was Santa. Which of course, we scoffed at as she had JUST laid out her stocking for him, and how could we fill it.....while desperately trying to keep straight faces (and DD was laughing as well). Our present to her was already under the tree, look there it is wrapped and ready....

Anyway, this year, DH and herself have this sarcastic thing going on, and he keeps telling her that "If you don't believe, you won't receive". She wants a phone this year. So she's unwilling to completely challenge it, in case she doesn't get her phone. But its also a "we all know" thing going on with them....

DD is about to turn 13, and in 1st year in secondary school (is that Y7 equivalent?).

NEXT year, there will be 3 stockings out, and everyone will put something into everyone else's. So we will ALL be Santa's....

And any of my DSiblings that stay in DP's house on Christmas Eve still have to put out their socks for Santa, who still leaves them their fruit, sweets and a book. The youngest of those is in their mid-30s (I was late 20s last time it happened, as I haven't stayed in the house on 24th since shortly after I got married). DF really loves still doing that, so we can't possibly start to question it at this stage in our lives....

It’s knowing the story and that tiny children believe in it that’s the ‘magic’ for all other children and adults.

I am amazed that so many children over about 5 apparently haven't seen through the Santa myth.

@bonbonours can i confess that i have as much fun filling the stockings and sneaking upstairs with them as they probably do recieving them. And the mince pie STILL put out on the landing always makes me chuckle. I shall be devastated when they move out and xmas eve becomes just another night

I told all of mine before 8 years old. I think letting your kids believe in santa in secondary school and even year 6 is a bit cruel.

I cannot remember what age I was when I stopped believing dd still believed in Santa and was just lying to us in case the presents stopped.

If DD3 asks me I will tell her, but I don't feel the need to sit her down and have The Talk. I'm happy on how to explain it but I feel that she should want to know herself. Unless she starts secondary school still believing of course!

DD2 asked me when she was 6 - I asked if she wanted me to answer her and she didn't. She asked again a couple of years later and was happy to have the answer.

DD3 has it all worked out in her own mind - she knows FC is St Nicholas, she was working it out in her head and she said that all the saints are supposed to be in heaven with God, so I guess God decided to send St Nicholas back so he can carry on being FC. Still hoping that she works it out soon - I have left enough clues in the past and will continue to! Eg using the same wrapping paper as we have lying around.

I have two in year five who both still believe, I don’t know whether to pro-actively bring it up or not. I don’t want them to be teased but at the same time I do love that they still have a bit of wonder about the world.

I can't remember tslkjng about santa not being real, but working it out mid juniors.
We had a father Christmas float visited the houses. That year my mum included my younger cousins on the visit. (parents buy a gift, wrap and address it and santa delivers it to the door on a Christmas float). We were shopping and she asked me what a girl my age would like as she had to buy a gift for someone.
My daughter is a 7.5 years old. She still believes in santa and the tooth fairy, but did ask if fairies were real the other day as they hadn't replied to her note.
I am expecting her to come home one day and say that other children have said he is not real, but hoping to get through this Christmas first. Unfortunately there are no younger siblings to keep the secret from, but I love the idea further up the thread if buying a gift for someone.
On a side note, the santa float stopped for a long time, but started up again about 5 years ago. The money raised goes to local charities. My mum is only 2 miles away so we do it for my daughter and hope to thus year. When she is too old to have him visit, I would love for us both to take part.

I had this conversation with my nine year old DS (also Year 5) a couple of nights ago. He just came out and asked (after the younger two were safely tucked up in bed). I smiled, hugged him, looked him in the eye and said 'do you really want me to answer that question?' - he thought about it for a second and said 'actually, no'. Then later on we talked about it a little bit more - I said I believe in the magic of Christmas, and Father Christmas is part of that. So that's it then - my big boy clearly no longer believes. No drama. I know this, he knows I know this, but he still gets to enjoy all the magic; and I know he'll keep it going for his younger brother and sister.

Why do so many people keep up with the Santa myth when we don’t do the same for the tooth fairy or Easter bunny?

This from Sassielassie, except I haven't (and now won't) make the the mistake of not doing the stockings for my 18, 20 and 21 year olds. It really is magical, at any age, to wake up on Christmas morning and see the gifts then under the tree for the first time.

My DSs are 20 & 18. In our house santa brought ALL the gifts. Meaning there wasnt a single gift under the tree until xmas morning then when you woke up he had delivered 1 gift from himself along with all the gifts from relatives & friends etc.
The DC knew he had arrived because Santa would fill their empty stocking & hang it on their bedroom door with a game or dvd in it to keep them busy till morning time.
When DS1 was 16 i thought enough! I put gifts under tree as they arrived and didnt to the stocking thing.
DS1 pulled me aside after xmas and asked me never to do that again. It had totally spoiled xmas for him. Even though he didnt believe he still loved the charade and the stocking etc.
Last year i (sneaked) upstairs to put stockings on doors, and retrieve the mince pie my 20 year old had left out when he came back from the pub, and i hit the squeeky stair 3rd from the top & they both shouted "Thanks Mum".
So leave the 10 year olds alone ....if even a large 6ft 3 manchild wants to indulge in a bit of xmas cheer, theres nothing wrong with it

Except I'm now having to wait longer and longer for them all to get back from the pub on Christmas Eve!