Children at funeral

[DroningOn]

Not an AIBU but posting for traffic.

What's people's experience of taking (or not taking) a 7 year old and 10 year old to the funeral of a grandfather?

We're having my FIL's funeral at the end of the week and I'm really torn with what to do.

All the 8 grandkids from 3 to 13 at the time went to my dad's wake & burial. He died sudden so was a shock lots of tears from adults n kids. But that's all part of life. We in rural ireland though funerals are a hugh thing. Its funny UK funerals are very formal private affairs here it's a free for all & pretty informal as it goes you'd never dream of telling anyone they can or cannot come or bring their kids or not.

Limensoda it might just be his age, late 80s rather than nationality or religion.

I said earlier that generally the professional advice is to take them (of course there will always be exceptions and you would never force a kid who really didn’t want to).

I thought it might also be helpful to share a memory. A cousin of mine died when I was 7. I went to the funeral and still have strong, emotional memories of it (eg I can remember some of the lines from the eulogy). I am so so glad I went. It felt good to be part of it, and helped to really understand what “dead” actually meant. It was very, very sad. But the whole thing was very sad - the sadnesss came from the death, not the funeral and I think that’s important to remember - you can’t protect the kids from the grief by leaving them at home. (Sadly).

I would always err on the side of taking, unless there is a really compelling reason not to.

Sorry for your loss.

My 10yo and 5yo were at their grandmothers's funeral. I was also pregnant at the time so it was particularly poignant thinking about the grandchild she would never meet. It never occurred to me not to have them there tbh but it was an Irish funeral so very much the norm. We all comforted each other.

I was 4 at the first funeral I went to, which was my grandads. I knew he had died, but not what from (cancer). It helped with the process as I had been close to him and yeah it upset me, but a bit of crying isn't something to fear from a child, just shows emotion. I think it would have just confused me more to have not gone and been left wondering where my grandad was.

At 7 and 10 they will understand and will be fine. Take them.

I wouid definitely take DC that age. I wouid also take a babe in arms (as long as I was sure I could make a rapid exit at first peep of sound).

Toddlers/preschoolers probably not (wouid definitely take to a wake, though) unless I knew they had reasonable 'church manners' or at least can sit still (and ideally quietly) on request for the likely duration.

my dad died very suddenly when my DD was 5.5 yrs old. She had a very close bond with my dad and at the funeral she wanted to see him. So before we closed the coffin and before all the family and friends had arrived, we let her see him. It was only for literally 2 seconds, but to her the confirmation that he was dead, not asleep, was important.

The first funeral I went to was my dad's. I was 11. I wish I'd gone to my grandmother's funeral when I was 5 to take some of the unknown out of the day. It was also my induction day at secondary school so two major events of the unknown in one day.

I took DS1 to a neighbour's at 18m. We sat at the back and DH did end up spending much of the time outside to avoid disturbence. We didn't take them at 1 & 3 to my grandfather's as we had a local alternative arrangement avaliable and crowd controlling them would have been a distraction. This year at 5 &7, we went to a memorial service. DGM could only attend because we drove her across the country to it (her uncle, so quite distantly connected to us), and the DCs were fantastic along with the other children.

I think once they are roughly around school age, so know there are times to sit quietly and still, there is very little issue. The age of OP's children should be no practical issue to other mourners.

Yesterday we were at Remembrance Parade/ Service, and all the Rainbows, Beavers, Brownies, Cubs etc were absolutely impeccable throughout the best part of two hours, and it was a comparatively sombre occasion to a funeral.

Last sentence not well written; comparatively sombre like a funeral

I didn't get to attend most of my grandfather funeral at that age , my mother thought it would be too much despite the fact we'd been to many funerals before and seen bodies before . It upset me very much for the burial I was made to sit in the car and minded my baby sister , I didn't even see the grave until as an adult my granny was buried in the same plot . I made sure my kids attended because of this if they wanted, if they didn't I wouldn't make them