AIBU same child gets chosen for everything at school

[bonfireheart]

I wanted to check whether anyone else would raise this with school. DD is in year 6 and everytime there are chances for roles of responsibility think 'school council' roles, or 'play leader' or external visitors coming in for a special project - the same girl gets chosen for the role. It's been going on since they were in year 1.
It's got so DD says well no point putting my name forward because we all know who is going to get it.
And I'm not just expecting DD to get them. All the kids in her year group are lovely, many who would benefit from the extra responsibility and boost to their confidence.
Would you raise it with the school?

@GreenTulips

The maths teacher teaches the whole class all year regardless of capability... but when it comes to the annual maths competition or national maths challenge... little Jimmy who can't count is not going to be selected.

@PennyArcade snap

For people saying join the pta I tried.

When ds1 first started the pta meetings were 8pm in the local pub. I was a single parent.

Pta arranged everything for weekends which I worked so couldn't help then.

When pta have had meetings in school time/just after school any suggestions not from the long standing members were instantly dismissed or pulled apart.

I just email the head directly with any suggestions that I have. It's just easier as I've given up trying to fit in with our schools pta.

When casting our nativity we ask the pupils who would like a speaking part and lots of them say no thank you and will not be persuaded. For shy, quiet children it can be their idea of hell and not in any way a 'confidence booster.' The Yr 1s get the speaking parts and the reception children sing...or don't as the notion takes them. No idea if any of them have parents on the PTA, and wont be trying to find out, because that has no relevance whatsoever. A lot of these comments about 'brats' are really unpleasant to read.

This is a very nasty thread, and quite bitter as well.

There seems to be some kind of bitchy delight in saying these children will get an unpleasant wake up when they go to secondary school. There may be some teachers who show some favouritism is some schools, but implying that children who get selected for starring roles or extra responsibility are all smug brats whose parents are on the PTA is childish and unpleasant.

Many of them get picked because they are the most talented actors or the most responsible and reliable children, or have natural leadership skills.

That is the way things go all through life, not just at school.

The maths teacher teaches the whole class all year regardless of capability

So what's a performance for? Bit of fun (in which case it doesn't matter if kids can't perform well)
Teaching the kids the art of speaking and listening?
Taking part in music?
Confidence building?
Showcasing the school to ALL the parents?
Tick box excercise for teachers? Parent/School relations?

I do think the pta should get seats at the school play, seeing as though they are the ones who fundraise and help the school.
The thing is as a parent you don't see how your child behaves in class. Some parents think the sun shines out of their child's backside.
I can see the difference between my dcs and dd is far more reliable than d's so I can appreciate why she would be chosen above him.
It's not g 've but it's life. She gets on with things whereas he doesnt.

It is difficult. I certainly agree all children should be given a shot, and the opportunity to take part in the things they enjoy. However, normally there will be some children who are academic, some who are good at art, drama, dance, ict, sport etc. While all children should be encouraged and given the opportunity to participate in things, when it comes to school sports teams, solos in concerts, top maths groups, and main parts in plays, surely you have to go with the most able? Obviously, this shouldn't just be one child, and the teachers should be looking for children with ability who may need a boost in confidence. There will unfortunately always be some children who excel in lots of areas. While frustrating for others to witness, im not sure how good this is for their characters in the long run.
My son never gets picked for the football team. Every time he is very upset. While I am so sympathetic (heartbroken)to how this makes him feel, I can also see he is not that great at football, and there are many others better. He does however get opportunities to play football at school, and go to all year group tournaments. He has other strengths.
If your child really has no area where they feel they excel(academic, music, art etc), then I would speak to the teacher gently about this and see if there was a role(showing parents round school etc) they could be given to boost their confidence.

The thread seems to have moved on to being solely about school plays but there are only ever 1 or 2 starring roles so your child will be one of the majority of the school that doesn’t get a lead role.
If it is the same child every year in the starring role then you have a point but if they have had the lead role one year and are also a prefect, school council and play for their school team they are likely just a bright, well behaved child.
Some children won’t ever have a star role in the school play and it can be for many reasons. They could speak so quietly that no-one can hear anything which for a starring role not only makes the performance unwatchable but also denies other children their cues for their parts. They could mess around during practice preventing others from learning their parts. Some kids don’t turn up to practice or learn their lines. I don’t think every child should be given a chance at the expense of spoiling it for others.

they are likely just a bright, well behaved child.

Ahh that one child on a cohort of 60 kids

Not one no. There are quite a few prefects in my kids school. Ditto kids who play on the school teams. The prefects are the kids who don’t arse about. They have jobs they have to do without being prompted and are supposed to set an example. Do I think that kids who mess about all the time should be given a turn so they don’t get left out? Not really no.
It is generally the kids who are most appropriate who are chosen for things and some kids are good at a lot. I’m sure teachers do try to give less obvious choices a chance where appropriate. But if it means them messing around and spoiling it for others or putting children who can’t play football in a competitive school team so the team lose every game it’s not always practical.

All these 'picking a child bad at maths for a maths challenge' comparisons are so ridiculous.

I love the viewpoint of some people:

1. Give my most amazing most excellent shining star the main part all the time because they are so much better and more awesome than all the other children who could never come close to my darling
2. If you dont agree with 1 then you must be the type who would pick the child who never speaks more than a mumble to have the lead just to claim to be inclusive (and in doing so depriving my star of their moment in the spotlight for the 5th year running)

Reality- Most primary schools do not only have 1 or 2 children with talent. Most primary schools will have many children with certain skills. It's probably better to shift the main things around so more talented children can be showcased in the areas they are skilled. Most importantly, believing that there should be a chosen one messiah figure doesn't mean picking someone who'd do a poor job. (Though to be fair I understand why some might decide that's the only alternative to their child, after all it's inconceivable that anotjer child might also be good)

Candont
I would speak to whoever is overseeing the production and ask for a chat. Then explain your DC isn't that interested in being on stage but would love to be a backstage assistant, helping with setting, props etc and ask if that would be an option.

We are secondary so have bigger productions etc but can easily have a dozen kids working on behind the scenes things.

*typo
Most importantly, believing that there shouldn't be a chosen one messiah figure doesn't mean picking someone who'd do a poor job.

The jealousy is oozing Ds2 was one of 'those' children and I didn't think it was fair at the time. Dd plays a sport at a high level outside school and that gives her confidence and pride so she doesn't need anything from school. However I see there's a lot of amazing children in her year who never get picked and I feel sorry for them. That's where I'm coming from.

MissEliza
You sum up my thoughts.
Often there's a number of talented children. It's much fairer to share things out.

Picking one child repeatedly over other talented is poor form from schools.

I find the 'anyone who thinks my child shouldn't be a star is just jealous' such a smug attitude. Plus, it's those kids who get a shock at secondary when they're thrown into a drama club or production where realistically they're talented, but middle of the field in a secondary school production cast.

If somebody's DC really wants to act, why not take them to a drama club rather than complaining that they've been dealt a great injustice not getting a chance at school?

Especially if there's just one big part. It's impossible to give everyone a shot

I have a child who always got picked for anything which involved singing. I was uncomfortable about it and raised it with the music teacher who said "But why wouldn't we pick her-she's the best singer". Not sure whether I entirely agree, but it wasn't anything to do with the PTA or being a governor or anything.

Same in most schools. I remember in primary school, the same girl getting the role of Mary in the nativity at least 3 times. I am still bitter

My friends daughter had to ballroom dance alone as part of a play once, all the other children had partners and she had to have her arms out like she was dancing with someone. It was painful to watch, the poor girl would have rather not been included at all!

All these 'picking a child bad at maths for a maths challenge' comparisons are so ridiculous

It would be ridiculous if a school chose a child who is not good at maths for a maths challenge.

Just as it would be ridiculous for school to choose a child who is not a confident speaker for a main part.

BTW there are not usually one or two main roles in a school production. Think of how many speaking parts there are in the nativity to begin with.
Our primary school always gave Mary and Joseph to the more timid children, as there were no lines for Mary and Joseph. Yet they were on stage for most of the show.

The Donkey, however, had a brilliant part. The confident, class joker was needed for that one.

My DD is now 16. This year's school production is "A Christmas Carol". Again lots of Speaking/Singing parts.

There are never one or two speaking roles in a school concert.

It’s nothing to do with ‘being a star’ it’s to do with being sensible, learning lines, turning up to practice etc. Kids who won’t do this will not only be a nightmare to manage but they’ll also spoil the show for the other kids. There are generally a few in each class who meet this criteria and yes they will likely be the prefects, maths ambassadors etc because they listen and they can be relied upon to as they are asked. I doubt any school has the same one child in the main role of the school performance every year. The op was talking about children who tend to get picked for lots of different things. If you’re child is reliable/good enough at sport etc they will be picked often enough.

I have 2 children.

Child 1 is hard working, reliable, highly capable and enthusiastic. Gets picked a lot. A good few lead roles, plus picked for maths masterclasses, science comps etc

Child 2 is bright, but lazy, a bit silly and very disorganised. Rarely picked.

Its not about the parents, it's about the child and their attributes.

I'm not, and have never been, part of the PTA.

Maisy I have a good friend whose dd had actually had a couple of minor acting roles in tv and film, so was obviously good. When she got to GCSES, the drama teacher shock horror gave the major parts in productions to other girls. When my friend's dd questioned it, she was told 'other people deserve a chance too'. Fair enough surely. My friend concluded the drama teacher was jealous because she'd never made it! I just sat nodding and biting my tongue when she told me.

OK, do you know what. DD is now 20. Grade 8 voice, distinction. RSCM gold medal. Welcomed to footlights and has a major singing role in G&S production. Has had a small part on west end stage. She got chosen because ...............she can sing.

Not because of the PTA, etc. What I remember. Bitchy comnents about favouritism. Funny how they all disappeared when we switched from state to private. You know, the place where achievement is valued rather than vilified.

Perhaps, the ones who get chosen are the ones who can do it. But hey, shall we give everyone a week as PM and or a week as a CEO of a top ftse company. Probably not. They couldn't do it.

Ugh we have one of these in DS2's class.. it spans the generations..I went to school with her mother and it was the exact same. The politics of life unfortunately.