AIBU same child gets chosen for everything at school

[bonfireheart]

I wanted to check whether anyone else would raise this with school. DD is in year 6 and everytime there are chances for roles of responsibility think 'school council' roles, or 'play leader' or external visitors coming in for a special project - the same girl gets chosen for the role. It's been going on since they were in year 1.
It's got so DD says well no point putting my name forward because we all know who is going to get it.
And I'm not just expecting DD to get them. All the kids in her year group are lovely, many who would benefit from the extra responsibility and boost to their confidence.
Would you raise it with the school?

During my time with the pta we raised enough funds to buy a mini bus, an all weather pitch and restock the library. I'm not expecting gratitude but why the nastiness towards those who put in their time and effort for all the good of the school.

Loving this thread, thank you OP.

I am going to read some of the posts to my dc who auditioned enthusiastically and confidently and, yet again, got a minor part in the xmas play.

I hate plays in primary school, they are a waste of time for the majority of the children.

There are 3-5 'stars' who love to be the centre of attention and the remaining 55 children have minor roles in each play and have to waste valuable school time rehearsing for half a term.

The productions are dull and cringey (apart from reception and yr one when the dc's cute factor makes up for the awkward plays).

One girl form dc's class is still saying "but I was xyz lead role" in the last play, with a divaish flick of her hair.

Please, tell me it gets better in secondary.

The only way your guaranteed to get your child a part in our school is to join the pta.

Exact opposite at the school mine go to. There’s 6 of them that never get picked for anything - 4 PTA kids and 2 staff kids. They literally never get picked for anything.

Until one pta member kicked off about it they didn’t even get to take the class bear home one year. They are desperate not to show favouritism. Which is ironic because the sane kids get all the parts anyway.

Same. Not sane.

Also school council should be picked by the children. If they repeatedly pick the same children as councillors there’s not a huge amount the staff can do about that without bringing in a terms limit (which becomes an issue if no one else wants to do it)

Agree, can we ditch the snide PTA comments? It just makes you look bitter and childish.

Not sure this happens in DD’s school. The chair of the school council is a kid who’s parents do no more than pick up and occasionally do an hour on a stall at the summer fair.

Are we really supposed to remember to discuss who played what part in every show?

The Christmas show
The class assembly
The remeberance assembly
School visitors

All of them the same child??

Why not just ask the class who's had a turn and who hasn't??? Spread it out

And don't give the 'they'll never learn their lines because come the play all the children know all the lines

A few years ago, on the first day back after October half term, I was greeting my Reception children at the door. One mum prompted her child, 'what do you need to say to the teacher?'..."Oh good morning" said the child. "No" said mum" the other thing."
Child said "can I be Mary in the school play?"
No, she did not get to be Mary!
We would ask the children as some didn't want a part. We did usually ask quite confident children to do speaking parts, as at Christmas Reception haven't been at school long. We shared the non speaking roles out between shyer children. Then we sent the cast list to year 1 so they could ensure they chose different children the following year
My own 4 children have had times of being chosen, & times of not being chosen.
But DD10s drama club seem to use the same children for all their main parts.

Also. On the pta, who’s kids got overlooked.

Why would the school even have a "one most likely to be a head teacher's secretary?" That is ridiculous. I would be hacked off too if my child won that whether they were in the picked to perform bunch or the not picked!

School council representatives are voted for by their classmates in the primary schools I've been in. Anyone can run, everyone votes.

Play leaders, everyone who volunteers gets a slot IF they commit to the weekly schedule. They'll lose their role if they don't show up because they decided to do something else.

School plays, well, yes often the same (frankly, talented) few get the main roles year after year. But you know what? They gave out a few choice roles to overlooked children last year because there was grumbling... and you know what? They were awful. Couldn't carry a tune and they were truly cringeworthy for everyone sitting through their singing. And we couldn't hear their lines. Just awful. Primary school productions are bad enough without adding that into the mix.

Sporting events? Yes, the kids who excel at particular sports tend to get chosen. They work hard for it, and they should get the chance. For sports that don't require as much 'coordination', others are chosen to give them the chance.

Academic events? Yes the kids who excel at particular subjects tend to get chosen. They work hard for it and they should get the chance. For academic events that allow more than one team, others are added to give them the chance to represent the school.

Yes, it can grate when a few seem to excel, but such is life. And I do believe most schools do try to give them opportunities to shine in other areas, even if you don't see it.

Definitely worth a conversation with the School but it's not the child's fault (or necessarily the parents) - good teachers should be more aware of the impact this has

Yep, I had this when my eldest was at primary school. She was over looked every single time and there was a handful of girls who got picked for everything. My daughter who was a shy, quiet and very modest child didn’t get selected once.

I overlooked it until her leaving assembly, which was eye wateringly awful! The few golden girls were selected for awards, most of them two. Whilst the other children aren’t even mentioned. We endured the other parents going on and on about how proud they were. My daughter and all the other children were just as deserving. My daughter’s final words when she left primary school were ‘I don’t know why I even bothered to try’.

I did ask to see the head and said I wanted to give some feed back from my daughter regarding the leaving assembly and repeated what she had said. No child should be made to feel that they there’s no point in even trying.

To be fair it has all changed now. Apparently a group of parents wrote a letter the same year and said something similar. Now all the children are celebrated. It is possible to change things.

The girl who was given all the best parts in dd2s class was even given the role of Mary in the nativity for a different year group. Many eyes rolled over that. In y5 the other girls lost their collective shit when she was given the main part in the end of year play without auditioning. She was also given a prize in y6 that had never been given before or since. Special trophy and everything for some made up gubbins. Nobody else got anything. They are in y9 now and that friendship group never recovered from the y5 bust up.
Mother was not pta but I know she spoke to teachers about how upset X would be if she didn’t get whatever part (told me herself - not hearsay) and I guess it’s very possible that each class teacher didn’t know what had happened the year before. Sadly the girl really struggled with big pond syndrome in secondary but seems to be back on track now.

My son is very polite , hardworking ( although has some learning difficulties so needed quite a bit of support at primary school) never caused any trouble , he never got picked for anything.

School council representatives are voted for by their classmates in the primary schools I've been in

Yes have you seen this in operation?

Little miss pushy telling kids to vote for her? Buying other sweets and 'letting them' borrow her things???

Not sure it's actually fair!

I think it’s also the case that when parents are engaged with the school children are more likely to achieve and behave better so this could explain pta children getting picked more often.
The likelihood is that if your fantastically behaved, super intelligent, all round talented, polite child is never picked to represent the school others might not share your rose tinted view.

Please, tell me it gets better in secondary.

It does!

Totally with you there. Every single primary production my DH and I have been to, and there have teen many, have been pretty cringeworthy. Some cute, but still baffling and nonsensical.

But my oldest did the secondary musical last year in Year 8 ... and it was truly amazing! What a difference being in secondary makes ... where only children who truly want to be there participate, and they have to audition and go to loads of rehearsals on their own time. It's taken very seriously, and the standard was very high. We were very impressed ... and very surprised to be, tbh. So just wait for it...

Thinking back to the distant past (70s)

I was , in various primary productions.
A Sheep
An Egyptian Slave

And once I got my "big break" and hated it , Haha Had to sing a Carpenters song in front of an audience and as an adult I am Tone Deaf. I am still not sure if the applause was because it was good or in a thank fuck she has stopped sense

Also, back to the OP, yes, always the same blonde haired girl chosen for most things including two stints at Virgin Mary come Nativity

@OhTheRoses cat's bum faces hahahahaha

Um, yes, GreenTulips, I'm a TA. And I've often been in the room when we quickly did the elections.

Basically you ask the class, who wants to be on the school council, we need X number. Ok. You write all their names on the board. You ask them each to stand up and tell their classmates why they want to be on the school council, and then we have everyone write down on a piece of paper their choice and not show anyone. We then tally. Sometimes we have run offs, handled the same way, through secret voting. It's not rigged!

BewareOfDragons

What about in the weeks leading up to the vote? In the play ground?

Did the loud pushy kid get it?

It was even worse when i was at primary school in the late 70.s early 80,s there was a large wealthy family who donated a lot of money to school funds guess whose kids got picked for everything? My primary school also had a music teacher who oeganised all the school plays her daughter was in my class she was always star of the show

But the unconscious bias thing could be true - DD is a talented singer and actor (is doing singing grades etc) but another factor is that they know if they give her parts/solos she will take it seriously and practice and be able to miss the lessons needed and make up the work. She got the main part of the pantomine in part because of the latter traits as much as the talent. She can (and did) pull off the parts though and always auditions well

She got school council because her friends knew that she would take it seriously and then stepped down after two years to give someone else a chance. She shows people around the school because she is good at it. She wants to go for head girl (and is one of the top candidates alongside the Chair of PTA daughter) by all accounts they could be head girl and deputy head girl but may not because of the reaction (from parents btw the kids would see it as being fair)

DS on the other hand will do none of these things - because god love him he wont want to and would not be good at it

As for the PTA is hard and a thankless task - the school know me because of that and the fact that I go in a read with the children, am the class rep for both classes . Its hardwork

The thing though your OP lacks is whether the girl chosen is good at these things - there is a difference I think between when they are and when they are not

The only way your guaranteed to get your child a part in our school is to join the pta.

I don't know of one teacher who either knows or gives a fuck which parents are on the PTA. Perhaps it's more likely the sort of parents who get involved have raised children who are well behaved, articulate and self confident and therefore more likely to be chosen because they can be relied on to perform well.

Those kids get everything. Their parents also get reserved seats in the front row

Parents don't have seats reserved at my school.

Also in my school every year group puts on its own production, so nobody knows/remembers who had what part in their previous year.