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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another party invite thread - sorry!

151 replies

firenze86 · 10/11/2018 09:30

My son (7) came home from school upset that he hadn’t got an invitation to his friends birthday party (cinema trip). His friend who’s birthday it is lives on our street. I often have him for a few hours or full days while his mum works. We’ve also given her lifts to work, doctors appointments, the shops, to school and back etc. as she doesn’t drive. I know you can’t expect an invitation but the boys are close friends and we do a lot for them. We looked after him last weekend and he talked about his birthday and the cinema trip and said my son was invited, and then brought invitations to school for the other boys in the friendship group but not DS. He was upset and the birthday boy told him “you can’t always get what you want” - obviously true but also a bit spiteful to say when he was upset? Aibu to be upset on behalf on my son and should I mention it? Carry on as normal? Not help out as much from now on? I’m perfectly prepared to be told IABU just wondering others opinions!

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 10/11/2018 15:09

He's figured it out and made that decision so leave it be, it is good that he figured it out. What was done was very unkind and nasty. Even if they were not close, I would still have invited your ds to the party due to the amount of favours to do for her. That is good, it is awful for them to have this kind of crap at a young age, but I guess it makes you more resilient.

woolduvet · 10/11/2018 15:20

Could you take new friend to the pictures on the party day, maybe throw in a sleepover. Make it something to talk about on the Monday after.

Aeroflotgirl · 10/11/2018 15:23

The amount you do for her, the least she could have done was invited your ds to the party, unless he absolutely did not want your ds there, but there is no indication that would be the case. As you said, they are close. Even more hurtful. No more favours now, you know where you stand. She sounds like one of those CF who just takes and not gives. It does not sound reciprocal, that she does anything for you.

jellybeanteaparty · 10/11/2018 15:30

I think I would mainly limit in future the looking after the other boy and say as the boys are not as close as you thought best not throw them together as much.

CurlyWurlyTwirly · 10/11/2018 15:43

Good for your son OP.
He’s already figured out this other boy, so you can quite legitimately say “ no, can’t” to the mum.

Aeroflotgirl · 10/11/2018 15:43

Even before all this party stuff, it does sound like she is taking advantage, she does not sound like she does much for you. She sounds a bit of a CF, it is always you doing for her. I think it is good that this has happened, it has probably given you a bit of an insight.

Rachel0Greep · 10/11/2018 16:33

I would be stepping back completely from helping her in future. She is really taking advantage of you, in my opinion.

cstaff · 10/11/2018 16:59

Fair play to your son. He is very clued in for a 7yo. You can quite honestly say that they have grown apart so no point in forcing them to hang out and you can definitely drop all the favours without feeling guilty after the smart ass comments from her son.

Sillybilly1234 · 10/11/2018 17:13

My son didn't get invited to a birthday party once. He asked the boy why he wasn't invited and the boy said "my mum doesn't like your mum".

I felt terrible. What a nasty piece of work. The mums weren't even invited.

I felt so sorry for him. Fancy taking that out on a child.

twinsrunmylife · 10/11/2018 17:25

Are any of his other friends not invited? Perhaps you could plan something fun to do with your DS and a friend for the day of the party so he can go into school and share the memories with that friend?

Aeroflotgirl · 10/11/2018 17:51

Yes it seems like op ds is the only one not invited, op mentioned that the boy bought invitations to the rest of the friendship group and not ds Sad.

Flowerpot2005 · 10/11/2018 18:12

Situations like this, with not inviting one child, are so bloody hard. Especially when your child is hurt, just awful!

OP you do so much for this woman, personally I'd have expected her to make your son a priority to invite. I'm not one for tit for tat but here, what you do is is far in excess of what she does, so definitely don't consider helping her any further. Quite honestly, it's cruel.

Glad your DS has decided for himself, what a little gem 😊

BumsexAtTheBingo · 10/11/2018 18:54

Does the other mum help you out with childcare? If not she’s a cf and the invitation thing has just cemented it. I would be unavailable for all requests from now on.

buckeejit · 10/11/2018 20:40

I can't believe someone would do that. I'd ask her out of earshot of the boys, 'btw, just checking as you'd said ds was getting an invite to party but didn't get one. No worries if not, just wanting to be sure of what's happening to make plans for that week'

The response will tell you all you need to know. It's possible his mum gave him one & he didn't pass it on for some reason. Good luck

BunsOfAnarchy · 10/11/2018 22:03

Gosh if another mother helped me out this much, her DC would be top of my list to invite to my childs party!
You need to stop providing free childcare and a taxi service.

Aeroflotgirl · 10/11/2018 22:19

You could message mum asking if your D's invitation is list as he identified invited, despite the big saying he was the week before. I doubt it though, as the boy told op D's he was not invited and there was no invitation for him.

Aeroflotgirl · 10/11/2018 22:23

Lost doh

JustDanceAddict · 10/11/2018 22:29

Def don’t do more favours or invite the boy back. Your son prob won’t want him anyway.

SD1978 · 10/11/2018 22:33

I would continue to invite for play dates- but like for like ones. You invite boy over to play, don't do it again until the other family reciprocate. No more above and beyond. If your son wants to invite him- I would. The party is about your son- not getting one over on mum for the slight she gave to your child. But I wouldn't be doing all the extras anymore for her- that's for damn sure.

LewisMam · 10/11/2018 22:37

The other mum is a CF. She should have made sure your DS was invited because you do so much for her. I guess if the boys are no longer friends then you won’t be able to do any more favours for her. Ever. And don’t invite the other boy to your DS’s party!

Aeroflotgirl · 10/11/2018 22:39

SD1978 op son has figured it out and does not want to invite this boy. Good on him,he is smart. Any playdates should be in your terms if your son wants them.

LaBelleSauvage · 11/11/2018 00:09

Is there any chance this mum said he could only invite eg. 3 friends (if she is struggling financially) and the boy wanted to invite 4 (including your son) and the mum told him "you can't always get what you want"?

LaBelleSauvage · 11/11/2018 00:10

Seems odd that he would tell your DS he was invited and then not invite him

Aeroflotgirl · 11/11/2018 08:49

In that case LaBelle that is very unkind whatever reason to leave one out of a friendship group, especially one that does you so many favours. If she could not afford to have the whole group, do something cheaper, not leave one out, very unkind.

LaBelleSauvage · 11/11/2018 09:09

Yeah I agree. Still very unkind