Another party invite thread - sorry!

[firenze86]

My son (7) came home from school upset that he hadn’t got an invitation to his friends birthday party (cinema trip). His friend who’s birthday it is lives on our street. I often have him for a few hours or full days while his mum works. We’ve also given her lifts to work, doctors appointments, the shops, to school and back etc. as she doesn’t drive. I know you can’t expect an invitation but the boys are close friends and we do a lot for them. We looked after him last weekend and he talked about his birthday and the cinema trip and said my son was invited, and then brought invitations to school for the other boys in the friendship group but not DS. He was upset and the birthday boy told him “you can’t always get what you want” - obviously true but also a bit spiteful to say when he was upset? Aibu to be upset on behalf on my son and should I mention it? Carry on as normal? Not help out as much from now on? I’m perfectly prepared to be told IABU just wondering others opinions!

If your DS wants the boy at his party the boy should be there

Don't do ANY more favours for the Mum. Ever.

Would your ds still want him at his party though - obviously it's a way away, so as you say it's too early to decide!

It's just that looking back at your op it sounds as if the other boy has invited all the other dc in the friendship group apart from him. Has this caused ds to change his view of the other boy at all, or does he still regard him as a friend? We do tread a very fine balance I think as dparents between encouraging dc not to take things too much to heart and not start 'feuds' etc, but also encouraging them not to accept being treated badly by 'friends'. Obviously ds has no choice but to accept not being invited to the party! but do you have a view as to whether he should be distancing himself from this boy a bit? It just seems so odd that the other boy would behave like this if he considered ds a friend/

Bollocks to inviting him to your sons party.
I'd be fine with my son not being invited if he hadn't been told previously that he was
That's just nasty

oh for heaven's sake, do not invite that little brat to your sons birthday.
have you no sense of outrage at all?

oh for heaven's sake, do not invite that little brat to your sons birthday.
have you no sense of outrage at all?

Contact her politely to ask if she forgot to send a invite. See what happens next. Her response will be telling.

This is what’s happening in our house too at moment

DS12 has a friend in school who’s Granny has not been well
So I’ve had DS’s friend plus 2 younger siblings while Mum has been minding Granny.
This has been since August.

DS told me last night he wasn’t invited to this friend’s sleepover party and asked him why and it’s due to numbers. (9 invited) But in same breath the boy said his Mum said he was to go home with DS today!!!

And this morning just had a request to take 2 younger siblings to activity tomorrow morning as she has full house cos of eldest child’s party.
Is she just stupid or very ignorant? Really unsure

Been in similar position. Now ex friend had an only dc, always invited my dd's after school, putting me on the spot tbh. I went also as she wouldn't have coped with all 3. She is disabled and found myself doing chores while we had a cuppa etc, she gave me a key so I could call in and put a wash on /hang it out /this and that. One year took day off to take her Christmas shopping - and wrapped the lot!! Put on a birthday party at her house - she paid but I made the food and did face paints etc. Cleared up etc. Lots of invites during the year after, birthday comes around and her dd wants a soft play party, my dd's weren't invited.
Gave her dh the key back. Never spoke since.
Back away is my advice, no invite for her ds, help your dc make other friends.

“Also "you don't always get what you want" he is surely repeating that from an adult. I don't have a seven year old so I could be wrong, but I find it hard to imagine a little kid saying that to a schoolmate unless an adult has told him to say that?”

That’s what I thought as well. I would feel inclined not to invite him, unless your son really wants him there. After all, why punish your son?

I don’t understand the holding a fridge references. What does it mean?

You ANBU. I would ask her why your son was verbally invited and then excluded but I see that is in the minority. Otherwise, I would walk away and don’t help anymore. One way streets are horrible and fruatrating.

What was your response Meandmouse ?

Sounds to me like mum has put a limit on numbers and he’s had to choose. Sounds like he wanted them all but he has been told ‘ you can’t always get what you want’ which he is now repeating to your ds. I think the only way to sort this out is by chatting to mum. Then you will know what the reason is.

I'd bet anything that 'you don't always get want you want' has come from the mother. That doesn't sound like something that would even cross a 7 year olds mind.

If so, she's, frankly, a bit of a bitch and has been taking you for a ride. Do not invite him to your child's party and sack off any kind of childcare assistance or lifts.

Good grief meandmouse what a user!!

OP I would be doing zero favours in the future & also not invite the boy.

I wouldn't mention it.
I would however be busy the next time she asks for a favour.

If her ds wants him to go to the party of course she should invite him.

Teaching him to be mean and petty won't help.

If he says he doesn't want him, of course don't.

But yes, take the higher road. If we start being chintz because others are where does it end?

Don't help her ever again though. The 'you don't always get what you want clearly came from an adult. Or he's listening to a lot of Rolling Stones.

I can't believe 'cunts' just autocorrected to 'chintz'. 🤣

Lonicera a pp typed holding a fridge when she obviously meant grudge. Just an amusing typo.

Of course you should invite the boy if your son wants him there.

Obviously though if the other boy doesn't like your son enough to invite him to his party, you need to stop the childcare.

I should think that he's had to choose & might have chosen the other kid because he sees so much of your son?

Ah, thank you. Auto correct has some bizarre suggestions. Chintz anyone?

Sorry to butt in on your thread

But no way would I be taking higher ground and inviting the child to my son’s party. It has been my experience that it just means people think their actions are ok and have no consequences.
I will offer help to anyone who wants it and may be used by people in the future but that’s ok for me. I will not however let my son be treated like a mug.

My answer to the text was, No can’t. Short and simple.
I will be driving by her house with DS who attends activity at same time. But I do not owe her an explanation. Nor will I offer any assistance in the future.

Don't invite him unless your son really wants him there.

Meandmouse

Good for you!

You can always get what you want. Clearly comes from the mum directed at your boy. She is either jealous or thinks your son is a spoiled brat.

Next time she asked a favour say nope you can’t always get what you want.

You can’t