I chose my username because I know that I'm being stupid but my feelings are still very hurt. I don't know what to do about them.
My younger brother is getting married. I am 36 and he is 33. He has chosen his wedding party. I have 3 brothers in total. One of them is estranged and he would have been the best man if he was speaking to the rest of our family. The second brother is a groomsman. 2 of our cousins are a bridesmaid and a groomsman respectively. The other roles are filled out by friends.
I feel very hurt that I was not asked to be a bridesmaid or a groomswoman. I am the only sister and it's painful to see cousins were chosen for those roles ahead of me. At the last minute, I was given a role as a reader. It was also embarrassing to find out that I was not chosen to be a wedding party member in a very public way. My brother and his fiancee had a huge engagement party. They called up everyone who was involved in the wedding to the front of a large room in the restaurant where the party was held. Many of our close friends and relatives were whispering about the fact that I wasn't a bridesmaid. Our mother asked me if I was going to go up to the front when the wedding party members were called and I quietly informed our mother that I was a reader. I left the party soon after that.
I always thought that my brother and I were close. We usually got along well as kids and adults. I was always there for him in many ways. Years ago, my brother and fiancee were in a long distance relationship and he was very sad about her absence. I gave him plane fare and some spending money to go see her because I hated seeing my little brother in pain. I have always supported his relationship with his fiancee as well. My brother is always praising me to others because I am a "wonderful aunt" to his daughters.
My husband understands why I'm so hurt and so does the rest of our family. In our culture and our family, siblings are always in wedding parties unless there is an extenuating circumstance such as serious illness or feuds. My mother thinks that including one sibling and not the other was very rude and so was choosing cousins over a sister.
I do not even want to attend the wedding since I feel that my brother and his fiancee do not like me. Nevertheless, boycotting the wedding would cause more drama. My husband offered to plan a minibreak the same weekend of the wedding. On the invitations, we will specify that we will only attend the ceremony. A cousin of mine warned me that only attending the ceremony could lead to wagging tongues as well as upsetting my brother and his fiancee.
I greatly appreciate all who read this far. Once again, I know that I sound stupid and immature but I can't help how I feel. I have been quite sad about this for a few months. It hurts to find out that you aren't important to a close family member.