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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my daughter shouldn’t be called a bitch

159 replies

Fettuccinecarbonara · 09/11/2018 23:36

My daughter is 10 and in year 6 of primary school.

Lots of issues around friendships which teachers are aware of.

Today the girls of year 6 were taken into a room by a teacher and spoken to about how they interacted with one another. During this speech the teacher called them all bitches, then later said that this bitching had to stop.

Aibu to think there was no need to use this terminology. The message could have been gotten across without using such language.

OP posts:
feathermucker · 09/11/2018 23:38

Are you sure of the wording she used? As in did she say they shouldn't bitch about each other?

MonsterTequila · 09/11/2018 23:41

How do you know the teacher called them all bitches? I’ve known some bad teachers in my time but that’s pushing it... Hmm

Kattyy · 09/11/2018 23:43

Also thinking it's more likely she used the word "bitching" rather than "bitch". Or at least hoping that an educator would not do that...

Greensleeves · 09/11/2018 23:44

Completely inappropriate and worthy of a formal complaint if it definitely happened, but I would talk to the teacher and get more information before I got really angry. I'm not saying your daughter is lying, nor that you should necessarily take the teacher's word over hers if you speak to her and your view is still that your daughter is being truthful. But talk to the teacher and make sure YOU are confident that this has happened before you kick up a stink about it.

Sethis · 09/11/2018 23:44

And you're getting this verbatim report from.... your daughter?

The one getting told off?

The one who seems to have been acting like a bitch?

Yeah, I'm sure her version of events is 100% accurate.

Greensleeves · 09/11/2018 23:45

Sethis a 10yo girl isn't a bitch, regardless of her behaviour Hmm

Even if the word used was "bitching", the teacher should know better.

Original poster
Fettuccinecarbonara · 09/11/2018 23:45

Dad is currently asleep, I’m planning on double checking the wording used in the morning, but tonight she said that the first time the teacher used the word to describe the girls, and the second time it was used as ‘bitching’

Dd’s Friends corroborated this, and dd wouldn’t lie about something like this! She’s a good kid.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fettuccinecarbonara · 09/11/2018 23:46

Sethis perhaps you’d like to look back at the OP? All of the year 6 girls were spoken to in a group.

OP posts:
seven201 · 09/11/2018 23:48

"Your behaviour was bitchy" is very different to "you are bitches".

I've carefully used the word bitchy when talking to groups of students who have been mean to each other.

Walkingdeadfangirl · 09/11/2018 23:48

Believe the teacher first. When children are speaking they are lying.

What did the teacher say happened?

Greensleeves · 09/11/2018 23:50

I've worked with a few teachers who would have said this on a bad day. One in particular whose behaviour towards children was so aggressive I left school in tears every day and reported her, to no avail. She's a deputy head in a different school now.

It happens.

Sethis · 09/11/2018 23:51

If she's a good kid, it begs the question of why she's been pulled up with her friends for acting like a bitch in the first place. Surely if she's a good kid then she wouldn't have been involved from the beginning?

I'm not saying that your DD is a bitch, and I'm not saying that calling a student a bitch is appropriate language, obviously. But I've dealt with too many students who've been pissed off at receiving a bollocking, and retaliated by making shit up about the teacher who did the bollocking to have any faith in their version of events.

I'd remain completely neutral until you'd had a calm chat with the teacher about what exactly was said.

SenecaFalls · 09/11/2018 23:51

"Bitch" is sexist as is "bitchy" or "bitching". It's possible to have the conversation without using derogatory terms about women.

Original poster
Fettuccinecarbonara · 09/11/2018 23:51

Seven201 how old were the students you spoke with? And why did you use the word butchy rather than another, less emotive, politer word? I’m genuinely curious.

I haven’t spoken to the teacher, dd only told me of this incident this evening

OP posts:
LotsToThinkOf · 09/11/2018 23:52

I'd be addressing your DD's behaviour before picking at the teacher for the choice of words tbh, 'good kids' aren't generally taken to one side in a group and referred to as bitches.

Prioritise.

Sethis · 09/11/2018 23:53

Edit: Doesn't matter if it was just one student, or every student in a class. And friends corroborating stories is meaningless unless you've quizzed them completely independently and in detail.

Original poster
Fettuccinecarbonara · 09/11/2018 23:53

Walkingdeadfangirl Shock what?!

When children are speaking they are lying?

What an awful way to think

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 09/11/2018 23:53

Yeah, I'm not sure of this op. Your kid was called in for a reason. Now she's saying the teacher called them in and called them all bitches.

This is highly unlikely. For one very good reason. The teacher would know it woild end her career.

I suspect your daughter isn't as good as you think. I'm sorry.

flowerpott · 09/11/2018 23:54

I would check the details with the school. I'd be very surprised if this happened, or if it did, I'd talk to the school about the nature of the girls' behaviour, and why you haven't been informed so far, if it's serious enough to warrant that kind of description. It sounds as though there is an undercurrent of open bullying and I would hope to be notified earlier on if so. I'd also expect other parents to complain about it, if it is true.

Greensleeves · 09/11/2018 23:56

Bluntness, I've seen a teacher pick up a SN child by one arm and one leg and literally dump him in the corner because he "wasn't fit to sit on her carpet with the other children". Also seen her call another SN child a pudding and a window-licker. It hasn't ended her career.

Thankfully teachers this appalling are rare, but they do exist. And I don't think "if you speak up about an adult you will automatically be disbelieved" is a very healthy message to give young girls.

Original poster
Fettuccinecarbonara · 09/11/2018 23:57

Dd has been hit, shoved and pushed in the last two weeks. She’s having regular meetings with her teacher to manage her understandable anxiety about school. Her teacher, who spends a large proportion of the day with her confirms that dd is being targeted, and is not doing anything to warrant the behaviour. However I do hear you all. I accept that maybe my daughter behaved awfully, she certainly can do at home, to her siblings!

However, even if she was the biggest pain in the ass in the world, would it be okay for a teacher to call her, and others, a bitch? Because I’m not so sure it’s okay.

OP posts:
Walkingdeadfangirl · 09/11/2018 23:57

When children are speaking they are lying?

Yes, when children are caught doing something wrong their first instinct is to lie. Obviously parents cant see it.

Original poster
Fettuccinecarbonara · 09/11/2018 23:58

And the girls targeting her, should they then be called bitches?

OP posts:
Flowerfae · 10/11/2018 00:14

Have the other girls said the same as your daughter? I would definitely check it out (calmly obviously) but don't just dismiss it, which is what I did because I didn't believe a teacher could be as bad as my child was making out. It accumulated ending in the teacher doing something horrible infront of the entire school. It's rare, but it does happen.

BumsexAtTheBingo · 10/11/2018 00:20

If she’s a good kid like a pp said what was this ‘bitchy’ or whatever you want to call it behaviour all about then.
If a teacher has called a bunch of 10 year old pupils bitches that’s absolutely outrageous but the chance of that happening is slim to none imo as they would be well aware their career would be over.