Sad step mum

[Mentalhealthworries]

Another night of sitting in my car in the terrible weather while DH and his kids enjoy tea at home.
I can’t bear it. Life as a step mum really sucks! Don’t do it if you have a choice.

it's been a decade and they are nineteen and visit EOW for dinner, you cannot compare that to the emotional and mental exhaustion of caring for a newborn!

Why do people whine about having a newborn? They knew what they were getting themselves in for surely?

Ps: I don’t think that, but that’s the kind of shit that gets trotted out to step mums.

i have invited a homeless person in our town to my home before , it was raining hard, thunder lightening with the odd bit of hail stones the shelter was full, i phoned my DH to see if it was ok and that he was home for safety reasons as you never ever know, (he was professional fighter at the time so can intelligently defend himself or others without hurting another person) he wasnt sure but said ok as the weather was horrific, i cooked him a hot meal allowed him to shower, i washed his clothes (i gave him a tracksuit of DH while doing so) and offered him a camp bed in the lounge, we only had a one bedroomplace at the time, the following morning i drove him to the shelter when i returned home from work there was a bunch of flowers (reduced to 80p) with a note and the recipt saying thank you for our kindness and he didnt steal the flowers, 8 years on that man is one of our closest friends we helped him find long term shelter, benefits and eventually a job. i was his "best (wo)man" last year, not every stranger is a threat sometimes the smallest act can turn anothers day around, in this case it was the first day of his new life! sorry to derail your post. just thought the digs at the lovely PP that offered you over for pizza were shame. it was a lovely gesture on PP behalf even if it was genuine or a light hearted offer

@HeckyPeck I didn't make the comparison between an adult nineteen year old and a baby another poster did. Regardless of whether you are biologically related or not caring for a baby day in day out and having dinner with a nineteen year old once a fortnight are not comparable tasks. I actually agree that step parents generally get a bad rap on here, but to compare those situations is nonsense.

@Crunchymum - agree. The OP's username does sound that there's more to this than meets the eye.

I think you’ve misunderstood my point Mrs.

The posters that dismiss step mums by saying “you knew what you were getting into” would never say the same to a mum who posted about having difficulties with their child.

A similar scenario might be a mum of older teens posting that they found their constant bickering annoying so had gone out to the shop then eating a sandwich in her car crying. She wouldn’t get told “you knew what you were getting into when you had kids”

She’d probably be told to go back home and instil some discipline by the harsher posters, but most would give her sympathy.

@HeckyPeck as a one off I would be more sympathetic to a step parent or bio parent but if it had been going on for a decade and the OP was regularly going to hide in her car, I'd say the same thing if she'd given birth to them. Change your part in the situation or get out of it including the relationship with the DP if she feels that unsupported, I'd also query why it had been left to escalate for nearly ten years.

Where is OP? Seems a bit ott all PPs making judgments about her w/o sufficient feedback from her.

Clearly she's been in quite a bad way.

How are you OP?

Perhaps you should have actually said that then Mrs instead of insulting the OP.

I stand by my comparison. Why?
Because any situation that leaves someone evidently overwhelmed and not coping deserves a degree of empathy. It’s clear that the OP is not coping. I cannot imagine what it must be like to prefer to sit in your own car on a Friday night eating a sandwich as opposed to collapsing in your own home after a long week. Did you give any thought as to what someone must be feeling to do that and then post on here?

If someone’s here for a pity party / wind up, fine. But I’d still rather pick empathy as an intitial response as opposed to some of the horrible judgemental comments from some posters.

@HeckyPeck I did in my original post

@TooSassy
Say it louder for the people at the back!

I wonder if OP was on the gin as well as the Tesco sarnie. Why don't you just leave him, OP? Do yourself and them a favour.

Totally agree with @TooSassy!

This seems quite a cruel way to talk to someone who's clearly not coping in her own house that she has to sit in her car.
I am a bit worried for OP, are you ok?

@ReflectionsofParadise ^

Step-parenting (I've not done it but imagine it can be an impossible dynamic if all adults involved can't work well together), is so dependent on how the DH manages things and supports OP in these situations. He has to be the adult with the OP.

It's really hard for you so why not do something positive on their contact weekends, see friends, go somewhere nice, volunteer maybe (winter night shelters are looking for people at the money.) teenagers often act like kids, mine certainly bicker even physically fight despite having the right to vote! Take care

I just wanted to say a big thank you to all who responded. The negatives are usually from ignorant people who don’t understand this kind of situation. I don’t hide in my car often but when I do it’s becuase I’m feeling pretty low so to be honest a few nasty posters who don’t have the first clue about my situation don’t even scratch the surface. Thanks everyone some of you are truly lovely xx

Op. Thank you for coming back and posting.

Please come and post on the step parenting boards. There are many more of us far more sympathetic and understanding of just how difficult these situations get. It’s insidious. Like the drip feed leak that happens over months and suddenly results in a ceiling eventually caving in.

You’re not alone OP x