Sad step mum

[Mentalhealthworries]

Another night of sitting in my car in the terrible weather while DH and his kids enjoy tea at home.
I can’t bear it. Life as a step mum really sucks! Don’t do it if you have a choice.

Have the conversation with him then. God you can't carry on like this.

Yep it’s ridiculous but it’s my life. Never be a step mum or marry a man with kids.

You’ve chosen to sit in your car rather than being excluded then. How odd

Tell him to take the I’ll mannered fuckers out to eat.
No way i’d Sit in a car.
He’s playing Disney dad.

Why dont you leave him?

Do they live with you?

Why cant you go into another room i stead if sitting in a cold car?

Delaying going home is one thing, sitting in your car watching them eat is another.

Honestly life is too short for this misery, if you aren't happy then do something.

You shouldn't be sat dreading going in to your own house like that.

Just leaving is not really that simple is it? Unfortunately we don’t have two houses or enough money to provide a deposit and rent! Thanks for the supportive comments from those who know what it’s like.

Why can't you sit in your own house?

It's your home OP, you can tell them to stop.

I'd be mad and tell anyone to stop bickering in my home at the dinner table regardless as to whether it was family, friends, children or step children.

Don't sit in your car with a sandwich, that will really affect your relationship with your DH and of course the children.

If they are young adults, they are old enough to be told by you (an equal part of the home they are in) when they are misbehaving and your husband should back you in doing so and should be doing so himself if they are fighting regularly!

But they are not eating their dinner in your bedroom are they?

Go home and relax in your room, no need at all for you to be sitting in your car!

How long do you sit outside for OP? Are you not cold?

He is a total Disney dad. I’m not watching them eat I’m a few miles away. We have a relatively small house for four adults to be in. Not much space to get away.

I wish he would leave me and take his kids with him!

Then you leave? You aren’t a slave. If you aren’t happy with him then break up! Surely the short term financial hardship would be better than sitting miserably in your car, resenting a man who you aren’t happy with?

I’m warm as I drove around until the car was warm and the engine is in. I’ll be here until about 10. After tea they’ll hang around bickering and sniding at each other by 10 they’ll have gone to their rooms with their iPads or whatever.

Nothing wrong in going out to give them all time alone together. I think it is healthy to acknowledge that as young adults they might not want a relationship with you just because you have married their father. But why don't you do something for yourself with that time? See a friend, go to the cinema, exercise class or swim, massage at a spa maybe or see some live music, theatre etc. Make these nights something you look forward to rather than resent.

Sadly it’s not financial hardship it’s impossibiltiy. House prices and rents are astronomical and we don’t earn enough to support two homes. Our salaries are enough for One house.

Oh OP you sound so unhappy. I have no advice but hope you find a resolution soon.

Do they live with you? How old are they?

I’m not in that position because I actually, you know, act like a step mum.

🙁 Have you managed to have some tea OP? Is there nobody’s house you could go to for an hour or so then you’re not sat in the car on your own?

Can you not go and have a bath or something until they go off to their own rooms? I always take myself off and enjoy a long bath when I need to get away.

Sitting in your car, it's so staggeringly obvious that you're actively trying to avoid them and it will really damage any sort of relationship you have with them and your DH too.

I know it's hard. My DP has kids, it's the hardest job I've ever done and there have been days I've wanted to do similar to what you're doing now. But I can't. Because I want to invest in and continue to build a relationship with them for all our benefit. They will recognise what you're doing and it won't reflect well.

Be the bigger person and either go home and speak to your husband about the way you're feeling, if he doesn't discipline them enough etc... as no one should have to feel so uncomfortable in their own home or if you are generally unhappy then leave.

What does your DH say when you get home? Does he not question why you keep going off for a drive whenever his kids are around?

They are 19 year old twins, boy and girl. They live with their mum but absurdly still continue with child contact night EOW and weekdays in between. This weekend they are with their dad!! I have friends but don’t want to bother them on a Friday night unplanned.

DH knows where I am and why.

You’re going to sit in your car until 10 o’clock? Have you not got a friend to visit?