WIBU to refuse to remove my nose piercing?

[ManonBlackbeak]

Just that really.

I work for an agency doing supply work in schools. Ive been doing this for about three years, and love it. I enjoy it and the flexiability it brings, that I can go on holiday in term time etc. I have regular schools that I go to and get excellent feedback, people ask for me and I'm pretty much always in work. Just for context, I think I'm good at my job.

The whole time Ive been with the agency I've had a small nose stud and no one has ever commented on it. In fact I forget it's there most of the time.

To get to the point I was asked yesterday about going for a potentially long term position at a school Ive never been to before, one of the few Ive never been to in the area. They asked to meet me first and I agreed, which in itself is unusual as usually you just turn up as and when you are needed. They liked me a lot apparently, and would like me take the placement but on the condition that I remove my nose ring. Now I was a bit taken a back at this, and so was my consultant actually. It's never happened before anywhere in three years! It's a tiny stud you can barely see! A ring I'd have understood. An eyebrow or lip ring certainly, but nose stud? Christ, Ive seen loads of teachers and TAs with them!

I'm not even alternative. Ive no visible tattoos, and dress fairly mundanely but this seemed horribly judgey to me. I don't know why? I feel like they've judged me on how I chose to dress and look I suppose.

WIBU to refuse to take it out?

Neither have I ever seen a doctor, dentist, lawyer or accountant with a piercing. Assuming someone was to get through the rigorous selection process for such positions, the patients or clients, respectively, would not accept it.

Speak for yourself, petal. I have no problem with anyone in these positions having piercings or tattoos, as long as they can do the job.

Do you think the mother of the bride at the royal wedding thought "I'll pop in my nose ring to look smart"? Surely she's just always worn a nose ring and didn't think it looked "unsmart" but in any case she is not British and my point was Britain is not generally at the stage where people think facial piercings, tattoos, tunnels, mohicans etc. look "smart" and "professional" hence none of the senior British royals, government, judiciary, news presenters etc. having them but celeb invitees to royal weddings, like Meghan's mother and the Beckhams, are free to do so.

I doubt anyone going for a job interview in the UK thinks "I really need to look professional here, so I'm going to go and get my eyebrow pierced specially for the occasion"; rather, "I love my eyebrow piercing and it's irrelevant to my ability to do the job and I don't want to work somewhere they don't see it that way."

Who knows when things will change and not having visible tattoos, facial piercings, mohicans and the like will be deemed the height of sophistication and a short-back-and-sides, conventional bob and a metal-free face will be the "out there" approach? But people are still currently "making a statement" by having these things hence the "I won't remove it for a job as it's part of me" comments. I would never feel conflicted about taking a job if they wanted me not to wear earrings whilst at work - it's hardly a big deal.

I would never feel conflicted about taking a job if they wanted me not to wear earrings whilst at work - it's hardly a big deal

Great. But ... I am not you!

Sure stevie - isn't the point that we're all giving our own perspectives here???? Have I missed something?

This just seems such a no brainer of an aibu. You went to a job interview, no obligation on either side, intended to see if the two parties can agree a mutually acceptable contract of employment. You two can't. So no contract, story ends, everyone moves on with their lives and looks for more suitable partners to contract with. Don't really understand how any question of unreasonability applies here, in all honesty.

Have you even read the thread GrabEm?

Why do people do that? Come onto threads late on when everything has been resolved and start posting their own four penneth worth without having read everything properly?

So, for the millionth time.. I'm not doing it. It wasn't an interview and I wouldn't have had a contract with the school because IM SUPPLY!

The most interesting thing about the AIBU from someone who's gone on to call people judgemental twats is:

It's a tiny stud you can barely see!

A ring I'd have understood. An eyebrow or lip ring certainly...

Racecardriver, I’ve worked with Lawyers with nose rings and studs.

Why are you picking apart my comments and goading everyone miralis? I think it's fairly obvious why a nose ring as opposed to a stud wouldn't be a good idea in a Primary School!

Honestly I think it's better to just let this thread die a death now. It feels like we are going around in circles.

That is certainly no more goading than calling people judgemental twats. What's the difference between an eyebrow ring and an ear ring in a primary school then?

What's the difference between an eyebrow ring and an ear ring in a primary school then?

I would say any sort of ring would be more of a risk at primary school.

A stud or bar becomes less so.

I have indeed OP, and nothing you've written in your latest and unnecessarily arsey post negates anything I wrote, aside from the contract bit. Didn't know longish term supply wouldn't be a contract, learn something new every day. Although the point remains the same if you replace contract of employment with mutually acceptable arrangement.

Well, I disagree that these things aren't considered to be normal in many parts if the UK. People of Indian descent who wear nose studs are british, you know. Totally the norm in that community when I was growing up in the 70s and 80s, pretty normal these days for anyone for our kids growing up.

But then, my DC goes to a non-uniform school which seems to be something that would cause many MNers to have a turn. And I have never, in 25+ years, worked anywhere with a dress code.

I work in a secondary school and have my nose pierced. I also have tattoos and more ear piercings than the students are allowed. A few students have commented on it but I tell them that I am not a student and when I was, I wasn't allowed them either. They have all accepted that. Different rules for staff and students are absolutely fine.

I have never been to a primary school where a nose piercing or tattoo is an issue. They might have it in the dress code somewhere but it isn’t enforced. High school is a whole different kettle of fish though!

I once wore open toed sandals to work, eye rolled for years about the “health and safety” aspect. Tripped up a step and cut my big toe open badly. Realised that some things, no matter how petty, can actually be down to genuine health and safety. Sorry, bit off topic there!

Basically I do understand where you are coming from but following a dress code wouldn’t bother me.

Well, I disagree that these things aren't considered to be normal in many parts if the UK… But then, my DC goes to a non-uniform school which seems to be something that would cause many MNers to have a turn

I went to school in boho lefty central London where there was no uniform and loads of the teachers wore all sorts, including "out there" hair and piercings/tattoos.

Doesn't change the fact that it is still not generally accepted in Britain that facial piercings, tunnels, visible tattoos, mohicans etc. are considered as "smart" and "professional" (hence the lack of them amongst senior royals, government, judiciary, newscasters etc.) nor the fact that I haven't ever had a doctor, lawyer or accountant in London or NYC (and I have them in both these cities, neither of which are "magicmadeupland") who've had any of these things, not that I personally would care if they did. And, no, not all these people are white, in response to your ridiculous "People of Indian descent are British you know".

From experience contracting all over the place in different industries, I'd say the vast majority of employers take the view piercings & tattoos don't reflect a professional image & dress codes excluding them are very normal. As pp said the children probably aren't allowed piercings so the staff shouldnt know either.

Your nose stud is part of your individuality. If any employer wants to offer you a job because of your skills, personality and work ethic, surely they must realise that your nose stud is part of it and removing it you stop being you?

mirialis why do you consider just those professions to be deciders of what’s smart or professional? They just sound very traditional and slow to change. Other professions and industries will have people at senior levels who have piercings and tattoos. Perhaps those professions or industries are simply more aware that outward appearance doesn’t indicate ability to do a job well. So I’m still not aware of this ‘generally, they are not accepted’. They’re not accepted in some workplaces and are in others. So what? Do we all have to dress like newsreaders or accountants in order to do our jobs? Must let all the directors and CEOs in my industry know that.

Tbh having thought a bit about it i wonder if a dress code like this unless health and safety requirement (dont see it in a primary school setting) wouldn't be challenged as discriminatory? Indirect racial discrimination ie imposing a rule which makes it harder for people of a certain racial background (add a bit of gender discrim here as it is women too) to get the job, not justified by a proportionate means of achieving a legitimate aim. What is the aim? Not influencing youngsters? Complete nonsense? Same dress code for the kids? The 2 are obviously not comparable.
And of course allowing it only for Asian women would lead to another argument on racial discrimination against a white British person. Similarly not justified... I think in some jobs it can be justified but somehow i am not sure it's that easy in a school.. I don't know!

They were a list of professions offered by pp, and subsequent pp were incredulous that people had "allegedly" never had a doctor or lawyer with these decorative features and wondered if they lived in "magicmadeupland". So I posted in response to say, well no, I live in London and have lived in NYC and other European major cities and not seen it. I don't care.

But the simple fact is: they can be accepted in some industries/workplaces that are "professional" but they are not considered "smart" and "professional" in themselves in the way certain hairstyles and items of clothing are, no one thinks "I should get my eyebrow pierced to look more professional" and that could well change but it's not the way things currently stand in the UK.

They are "part of your individuality" and "part of me" etc. etc. Just like our PM's breaking-the-mould leopard skin shoes or whatever. Once she rocks up with facial piercings, I guess we'll know they have become part of the UK's standard of "smart and professional".

To answer my own question i suppose allowing a retainer would be fine and would suit me personally as i don't care either way.
Still think it's a silly policy though.

As for the comments on - never having seen a professional with a nose piercing - are you even sure you would have noticed?? I couldn't tell you which of my acquaintances have their nose pierced tbh and mine is pretty small so not very noticeable. I can't imagine noticing that on someone to be frank...I'd be focusing on the business dealings I'm here for surely?

Can you not wear a clear one if you are worried about it closing up? Otherwise I don't see the issue with removing piercings, I understand this more than tattoos as I guess from a health and safety reason it could get caught, I don't get what a tattoo could do to hinder your work, I have two nose piercings and a number of tattoos and I work at a school, I flip my middle (septum) nose ring ring up, I haven't been asked to do it just assume they may have an issue with it hanging over my face per say when I am working around the children, I am lucky they haven't ever said anything about my other nose ring so I have left it but if they asked I would remove it for the sake of keeping my job