Not sure what to do? Awkward situation

[Slipp3rs]

I have no children but my DB has 4 and my SIL has 1 (age 6)

My DB has told me to buy his kids something small as he has 4 kids and it’s expensive so I’ve chosen a joint present.

My SIL has sent me a list for her child and I’ve chosen something and bought off the list.

I’m now feeling a bit bad as I can’t afford to buy my DBs 4 children the same as I’ve bought SIL’s child as there are 4 of them and it was be really expensive to buy 4 of what I’ve bought SILs child.

I’m a bit worried that they will all open their presents at the same time (DB children are similar age) and the children will see that one has a much better present than the others.

Aibu - but my BIL told me not to spend much.

Another one saying just split your budget 5 ways and get everyone the same value of gift. Also, joint presents are a bit crap and inevitably lead to arguments. Kids don't really care about expensive gifts. My kids would be thrilled with something like a small selection box, activity book and some Christas socks or something like that. That's like 5 pounds each.

Glad I posted now and will rethink my gifts

I am glad that you have listened to the wise advice given. It really did seem a shame for the 7, 5 and two 2 year olds to have to share a gift from their aunt when they share daily.

I am still however curious as to what you had brought for them that they would have been able to share as it is such a huge gap in ages.

I'd have spent roughly the same on them all.

Set yourself a total budget, divide by 5, spend that amount on each.

I'd buy the four kids a echo dot (£50 ish) they will love it, can all listen to music, ask questions get homework answers etc and maybe a selection box each and the other child a gift for £20. We have an echo dot in the kitchen the kids love it 8,6 and 2.

I’d spend the same amount on each. So set a budget of what I’m prepared to spend, and split that 5 ways.

And in discussions about present lists etc, I’d tell my siblings this amount e.g. “SIL, my budget for DN’s Christmas present this year is £x”

I have 4 kids and they usually got a shared present and my sister’s 1 child got a present to himself of equal value. I remember mine being a bit hurt , who wants to ‘share’ Christmas presents? I would spend the same amount on each individual child saves hurt feelings.

Agree with others, spend the same on each to keep it fair.

tootiredtospeak Do you genuinely think that four children having £10 and one having £40 is fair?

Christmas is so stressful. I fkn hate it. Sorry.

I think that's quite hurtful from the child view as its obviously unfair. I would spend the same amount on each child. What ever you can afford e.g. £20 each for every child. Not £40 for SIL kid and £10 each for other set. Very unfair as the 7 year old will certainly know. Take the SILs kid present back and chose something that matches the new budget.

PhilODox I don't see the problem. I have 4 dc and my brothers one dc each. Every year I get my dn's a big present and try to insist my brothers just get my dc a small present, I don't want my brothers spending a fortune.

This just brought back my childhood. I was an only child.

I think I received presents worth a bit more, Because there were 3 cousins in one family, 4 in another.

So, obviously, my parents bought 3 and 4 presents for the cousins, and their families only had to buy one.
A little different to your situation. But I agree, buy same value for each child.

@HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone I have children who'll be 7, 5 and nearly 3 this year and there are plenty of things they've been bought over the years as joint presents. Sometimes it's something like a playhouse for the garden, sometimes a dolls' house or car garage, sometimes a set of Paw Patrol toys or box set of DVDs. Last year they had a massive craft box filled with paints / glitter ( FML) / stickers and a karaoke machine which we all loved. My (then) nearly 2 year old was belting out Let It Go with gusto at 6am on Christmas morning!

Good choice op.

I agree with others that it would be unfair and hurtful to get a much bigger present for one child.

I have 4 dc and my brothers one dc each. Every year I get my dn's a big present and try to insist my brothers just get my dc a small present, I don't want my brothers spending a fortune.

Brazzle - that's different though. In your case it would be you buying your 2 nephews items of equal value. In OP's case it would be her spending different amounts on each child.

If however you meant that you tell each brother to spend less on your children and they then spend more on their other nephew, that's unfair on the children because kids do wind each other up and do see things and feel hurt by it.

We have 3 children, my husbands 2 brothers have 2 and 1 child respectively. My sister has 1 child and now 2 step-children. We spend the exact same amount on each child, regardless of how many siblings they have or had. I have of course always said to them once we had our 3rd I would understand if they wanted to reduce down how much they spend on ours, but all have always said that they will spend the same on each child and if they reduce for one, they reduce for all.

Glad to see your update to say you were going to re-think the gift! I too would love to know what the joint present was.

Also, I think individual gifts from other family members is much nicer than having to share (unless it's a situation where it's a very small budget so you choose to combine to get something like a game they can all play).

Although one year my PIL were getting the boys some Skylanders. We suggested that they made them all a joint present so that there wouldn't be any "that's my Skylander, you can't use it" and meant that they still had individual presents to open.

I'd work out how much you can spend on the 5 of them in total, divide it by 5, then ask what each would like up to that value.

You really need to spend the same

That's awkward, yes they will compare, and wonder why they are sharing a present - kids don't really get that something was more expensive than another, but will get that some have their own present to unwrap. Can you take them all back then get equal presents? They don't have to be really expensive, you can get something really fun for say £20 or so each - how about a board game each that they can all have fun playing together, it would give them hours, if they had 5 board games between them!

My aunt spent many times more on my cousin (her niece)'s eighteenth birthday than she had on mine, a year later, and I'm still a bit cross about it! I agree, give them all something of equal value.

Personally I spend the same (about £10) on each of my nieces/nephews. If they’re going to be opening the presents at the same house then you definitely need to make sure all the presents are of similar value

I also think this is unfair and will smack of favouritism, I don't have any nephews and nieces but my sister in law has a load, and she simply spends the same amount on each one, irrelevant of who the parent is. I think this is the correct way, and even if they don't open them together, they will find out.

As a pp said, if you've a hundred pounds to spend it's twenty per kid, and you ask what they would like for that budget.

I've got (what feels like) a ton of nieces and nephews and I always try and spend an equal amount on each. Or near enough. The family make up makes NO difference, it's not the childrens fault when there are more of them, not going to 'punish' them further.

It has to be fair per child, OP, and your way isn't. It's not half to one family and half to the other, it's a fifth to each child.