Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 7 week old alone in bedroomwith a baby monitor?

409 replies

HollyGoLoudly1 · 07/11/2018 19:23

Wise mumsnetters, please advise - SIDS advice says if baby is sleeping that they should be in the same room as you until 6 months. I want to start a bedtime routine with baby going down in the bedroom at 8pm. Is this ok if I am listening in using a monitor? Or do they literally have to be in the same room (i.e. living room) until I go to bed?

OP posts:
Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 08/11/2018 11:42

@HollyGoLoudly1 there are some people who are attached to their baby 24/7

You just have to find what's right for you. I did similar to you. I started working towards a bedtime routine at around 6 weeks old and I never took DD with me when going to the loo. I would also leave her to sleep in our room both during the day and evening while I got on with other things.

My DH works away a lot, of I'd stayed with her sleeping the whole time our home would have been an unorganised mess.

Noqont · 08/11/2018 11:56

^
So what we were thinking was whenever he goes to sleep near to a typical 'bedtime' time, we would put him down bathed, changed, in his sleeping bag, and in his crib to prevent disturbing him^

This is exactly what we did. It does work.

SD1978 · 08/11/2018 13:06

I didn't realise that the consensus from (some) people was that the baby never left your side or someone side at all, 24/7. We had a routine- bath, feed, bed. Would sleep for about 4 hours, wake up and feed again. Bed would be about 20.00- and she was put down to sleep in the bassinet in the bedroom, not sat beside us in the living room- I hadn't realised that was a thing, and don't know anyone who did so. What you're proposing sounds reasonable, and what every parent I know has/does do.

legalseagull · 08/11/2018 13:12

You won't hear if a baby stops breathing through a monitor! You need to be able to see and hear them clear as day

Lazypuppy · 08/11/2018 13:14

@legalseagull you need a better monitor! I can hear PO breathing on ours,and see her chest moving up and and dow

Noqont · 08/11/2018 13:15

That's what the breathing alarm is for. Seriously do people sit there watching over their babies all the time? . Way to go for developing severe depression and anxiety in parents.

JellyBears · 08/11/2018 13:20

I’m a sleep trainer and that’s absolutely fine, I would make it’ 7pm tho. Start your routine about 6 with a bath and some nice calm down time before putting baby to bed.

legalseagull · 08/11/2018 13:50

@JellyBears please don't tell people it's absolutely fine when sids guidelines clearly show it isn't. Women can make their own choices of course, but don't profess to be some sort of expert and then go again actual experts when talking about possible cot death

Absofrigginlootly · 08/11/2018 13:54

Just going to say the same..... being a “sleep trainer” doesn’t actually make you qualified here, I’ve heard sleep trainers advocate cry it out with under 6 month olds before Hmm

I once read a Facebook post from a sleep trainer who claimed to have helped “over a million families”. When I asked her why, if she’s helped that many families, had it not occurred to her that perhaps over a million babies probably didn’t have sleep disorders that required “fixing” and that perhaps western parents had unrealistic expectations about normal infant sleep.

She deleted my comment and blocked me Grin

samatamfabahaba · 08/11/2018 13:55

Our DD was in her own room at 3 weeks as my partner had horrific hay fever and was keeping her awake and then she was a super snuffler and was keeping ME awake. She is fine, she is the best sleeper and always has been. I know it's against guidelines. "Guide" lines is what they are. A guide. Not the law. It's your choice, you're the parent.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 08/11/2018 14:08

Way to go for developing severe depression and anxiety in parents.

I agree that for some people - including me - this really wouldn't be very mentally healthy. If DS would sleep downstairs that would be fine but since we'd be taking option B - one of us sat in a dim room on our own with him - I really think it would be pretty awful for my mental health. DH and I wouldn't have had a proper conversation in the week for four months now. Obviously some people find it nice chill out time and that's fine, but I've struggled enough with the enforced inactivity of having a small baby, spending my evenings like that would get me so down. Presumably I'm a dreadful mother for thinking that though according to the logic of this thread.

MamaHechtick · 08/11/2018 14:10

Neither of my DC had strict routines until they started nursery at 2.
For those saying they are the ones with bad sleepers, we aren't. Mine sleep 12+ hours a night and sleep through anything. Just last week we had two men attempting to break into our house, the police came and were all over the house, DC's didn't know a thing, fast asleep in their beds. I can Hoover in their rooms with the lights on and they won't wake up, that's the bonus of having them downstairs asleep as young babies until we went to bed.

stickytoffeepuddingandicecream · 08/11/2018 14:20

"Sleep trainer" lol! I read a "plan" a sleep trainer had drawn up for a friend of a friend (they have too much money and thought kids should be seen and not heard). It was pages and pages of what I can summarise in one sentence "put baby to bed, shut door and ignore." I felt upset reading the parts where she said, "you'll want to go and sooth xxxx but don't, do something to distract yourself, you've got this".

Had to tell the friend that forwarded it that it wasn't for us, we didn't have kids to shut them away crying, no thanks.

Unfortunately breastfed babies don't tend to sleep for 12 hours, usually 2-3 hour chunks in my experience. We've always kept our children as small babies with us until we went to bed. I didn't think what we did was the norm but I often sat breastfeeding all evening with both children anyway so it made more sense.

Cutesbabasmummy · 08/11/2018 14:51

My son had a routine from about 5 months when he went into his own room. He still has a lovely bedtime routine of teeth, bath, pjs on and story then kiss and goodnight , lights out. He'll be 4 soon. However, I agree with those who say keep baby with you to reduce SIDS. That's what I was told at ante natal and by HV.By 5 months I was more relaxed and were were all waking each other up. We have an audio monitor and I can hear him breathing.

JellyBears · 08/11/2018 15:07

Wow such nastyness. The app asked a question and I responded. Over the years I’ve put a lot of babies in routines and they’ve thrived. I should of known not to comment on this vipers nest of nastyness.

JellyBears · 08/11/2018 15:09

also I’d like to point out I wasn’t suggesting sleep training the baby. Just that If OP wants to start a bedtime routine that’s ok. I think the problem on Mumsnet is you can’t stand anyone who proclaims to have a little knowledge in a certain area!

JellyBears · 08/11/2018 15:10

Also I don’t use the cry it out method, I use the controlled crying method. Don’t know why I’m still commenting tbh.

peachgreen · 08/11/2018 15:10

Christ, the judgement on this thread is unbearable. I can't understand how anyone who has been a mother and therefore knows how hard it is can justify judging other people's choices so harshly. We're all just trying to balance doing the best for our baby with keeping ourselves sane. For some people that's co-sleeping. For others it's sleep training. And there's a whole host of options in the middle.

Every parent is different. Every baby is different. All we can do is our best.

sheet82 · 08/11/2018 15:13

I would say 7 weeks is too early.

I think though I do remember getting baby used to light and dark - quiet and noisy. So we would sit with lights dimmed and also telly on quiet in evening but keep baby downstairs with us.

I think maybe around 6 months when baby could go into a room alone we did that took baby upstairs. So we started routine early but kept baby with us until 6 months x

JellyBears · 08/11/2018 15:14

@peachgreen nicely put and so true!

mathanxiety · 08/11/2018 15:16

Why are you moving him from the moses basket to the crib?

mathanxiety · 08/11/2018 15:16

It's disagreement, JellyBears. Either what you propose is or is not in accord with the SIDS guidelines. It's easy to look it up. When you post here claiming some sort of expertise you have to remember that people can google.

oblada · 08/11/2018 15:19

JellyBears - you can of course express your thoughts/what has worked for you but be mindful it is going against SIDS guidance. Not sure i could live with myself if i went against clear recommendations based on sound research and then one of the babies i had helped with that advice passed away.
So yes everyone does it differently but i wouldn't consider it sensible to advice going against clear SIDS guidelines esp as no overriding reason to.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 08/11/2018 15:27

Why are you moving him from the moses basket to the crib?

Presumably so OP doesn't have to get out of bed to feed, since she says it's a next to me.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 08/11/2018 15:28

And huge round of applause to peachgreen, who has put it perfectly