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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel insecure because Dsis has had a boob job

146 replies

RoboticSealpup · 07/11/2018 13:18

Dsis and I looked the same before: Slim with a-cups. She's just had surgery to get a full C. My DH knows that I don't want a boob job, so he would never have suggested it. However, Dsis having this done has sort of normalised the idea. She almost assumed I would do the same when she told me about it, which made me feel a bit bad about myself. (A bit like: "I'm fixing my defect! When are you fixing yours?"). Her DH suggested it, but she didn't do it for him. When I asked DH what he thought about boob jobs, he gave me a really unconvincing answer. Something like "it would be weird if you had boobs all of a sudden" and then "I like you, I married you, etc etc. I'm never going to know, what he really thinks, am I? He would never tell me because he doesn't want to hurt my feelings.

I'm relatively happy with my body, but I don't live under a rock- I know I'm far from the ideal with my tiny breasts. I think physical attraction in long term relationships is really important and I know that men are generally pretty obsessed with boobs, although DH doesn't ever look at or comment about other women, so I have absolutely no idea what his ideal is. I'm getting paranoid that he's secretly wishing I had bigger boobs. If that were the case, I'd rather he told me so I could think about it. I wouldn't want to be with someone forever if they lacked something I really wanted. I don't want surgery for myself, but maybe I would do it for him. I'm just never going to know, am I? It's driving me nuts.

OP posts:

pinkyredrose · 07/11/2018 21:33

Max how old are you?

MaxTeyon · 07/11/2018 21:35

Old enough to have felt and been disgusted by a few fake boobs.

BonnieF · 07/11/2018 21:49

@Robotic oops...my comment was a clumsy attempt to make a humorous reference a Radiohead song.

Apologies to you and your sister.

sizzledrizz · 07/11/2018 21:50

I'm a size 6 with 28FF boobs. I spend a lot of time buying clothes that don't make me look huge on top, and out of proportion with the rest of me. Dresses are a nightmare. Same with coats that fit my top half and make me look tent shaped. If I wear a belted coat I look dressed up, If I wear a straight coat I look dumpy, even as a size 6. I would love to have smaller boobs, just to be in proportion. I would love to go bra less. And wear a nice pretty bralette with no underwire.
Listen to your DH, he knows what he wants. What he wants is you. I bet your sister has less confidence than you, and I bet she doesn't really look better than you.

mumto2babyboys · 07/11/2018 22:14

When is your baby due. You can't have it done if you do decide to until after the birth obv. But you could go see a surgeon now and see some imagining of what you would look like after

You might decide it's all it you head then.

Or not. From my experience being pregnant and full of milk, men definitely noticed when I had much bigger boobs.

I haven't got implants but I hear the tear drop ones are the ones everyone chooses now because they look natural and not just round shaped and you wouldn't have to go massive you could go with smaller implants get it on finance after your birth.

I can understand why it would be hard comparing yourself to your sister when she's had so much done. It's like unspoken peer pressure

Some people I see and they have gone so overboard with their eyebrows and lips and fillers but

you could ask for a natural looking result only bigger for the computer imaging and see how it would actually look on you

mumto2babyboys · 07/11/2018 22:27

I would def go see a surgeon because you are going to keep comparing yourself to your sister and that's natural.

Once one friend in a group gets their lips done then nearly everyone starts doing it and going bigger and bigger etc.

I don't like Victoria beckham but she is very thin like you said and she still has implants. She has the natural looking, smaller sized ones now and they look great considering she's had 4 kids and god knows how many boob jobs

You could ask for something in proportion that other people might not even guess they are implants and get it on a payment plan if you do feel you really need them.

It's your choice, but don't not do it if it's something you sort of want to have done. There is nothing wrong with wanting to look your best and equally nothing wrong with being happy in your own skin.

Just so few of us are we always find things we want to change.

HeyLala · 07/11/2018 22:39

I have small boobs and over the years have thought about a boob job, but have never done it. Mainly because I'm scared of the op and all the things that can go wrong and I worry about how they will actually feel.
Recently, I got my nipples pierced and I can't stop looking at them. They look sexy, feelings are more intense and I just love them.
Don't do what your sister does or you'll always be comparing. Do what you want.

agirlhasnonameX · 07/11/2018 23:07

Another advocate of nipple piercings
OP you should definitely not have a boob job because you suspect your DH wants you to have bigger boobs. It is surgery and can go wrong. You should work on being happy with yourself as you are and when you do, you'll probably start to believe DH when he tells you he is happy with you too.

Original poster

RoboticSealpup · 08/11/2018 04:32

@mumto2babyboys

I don't want a boob job unless my DH really wants me to have one. I have no idea if he does!

OP posts:

NameChanger365 · 08/11/2018 05:51

Your sister never had a problem with small boobs, she has a husband problem. Don’t let her arsehole husband (his suggesting she have a boob job is nothing to do with him finding boobs attractive, it’s all about control)/ your arsehole ex convince you there’s anything wrong with small boobs.

Leaving aside the fact that your dh chose you, and that attraction is about the whole package not just the physical being. There is no single female physique that all men find ideal. What a man thinks is ideal is unique to him. Have you and your friends ever discussed your crushes? Do you all find exactly the same man physically attractive? I know my friends and I certainly don’t, men are exactly the same, some like big boobs, some like small boobs, some don’t care either way because they’re more interested in bums or legs or some other body part. For every guy who found you more attractive were you to have a boob job, there’d be one who’d find you less so.

And your husband specifically wouldn’t have married you if he hadn’t found you, as a whole, attractive.

I think the only thing you might need is some counselling to deal with the lingering effects of your arsehole ex.

Original poster

RoboticSealpup · 08/11/2018 07:16

Thanks, @ Namechanger. But my sister's DH is not an arsehole or controlling. I know him well. And my sister would never put up with any crap. I understand you would think that, based on the fact he asked if she wanted a boob job, but it's just not the truth.

OP posts:

Original poster

RoboticSealpup · 08/11/2018 07:19

I guess that's what made me feel like getting a boob job is something normal, and loving husbands wanting their wives to get boob jobs is something normal. I get that my DH married me, so should love me the way I am, but he could clearly also want a part of me to change. My sister's DH did!

Anyway, I'm going to try to stop thinking about this.

OP posts:

mumto2babyboys · 08/11/2018 07:30

Go see a surgeon just for the initial consultation. Shouldn't cost more than £100-150

I say this because you are going to keep seeing your sis aren't you and you are probably going to feel less attractive next to her

But at least if you have explored the option of what you would look like, you don't have to keep thinking about it then or you can plan it for after your new baby

Honestly men do have a thing for big boobs

that's why fake boobs exist in the first place.

Frosty66611 · 08/11/2018 08:08

@mum2twobabyboys not true! I know quite a few men (my OH included) who prefer petite framed women with small pert boobs. My OH said he thinks an A/B Cup looks sexier than a D cup and he only liked the look of big ones when he was a young teenager in the 90s when fake ones were fashionable and in all the mags. I’m sure there are loads of men who prefer big ones, but there will be just as many men who prefer small natural ones too

Original poster

RoboticSealpup · 08/11/2018 08:38

@mumto2babyboys

Like a test, to see if DH reacts positively to the idea?

OP posts:

Blanchedupetitpois · 08/11/2018 08:42

I wouldn't want to be with someone forever if they lacked something I really wanted.

He didn’t have to marry you. If big boobs was something he really wanted in a wife he wouldn’t have married you. They clearly aren’t that important to him.

I think you’re piling a lot of unfair uncertainty on to your DH. He’s told you he likes you the way you are. Stop trying to read his mind.

And bear in mind that your sister will inevitably need further surgeries, because boob jobs don’t last forever, and they may we’ll be a real mess by the end.

rackhampearl · 08/11/2018 09:49

3 of my sisters have boob jobs and I'm the youngest with boobs like a spaniels ears thanks to breast feeding. I think my sisters look totally amazing and can clearly see the confidence it's given them but it just doesn't bother me. I'm married and have been for 7 years, very happily. Work on loving yourself your DH didn't say anything out of turn IMO.

Original poster

RoboticSealpup · 08/11/2018 10:08

@Blanchedupetitpois

I guess the fact that my sister's DH married her despite preferring big boobs (and wanting hey to have them) made me doubt this. He really is a nice, normal guy. Not a controlling arsehole.

OP posts:

ZigZagZebras · 08/11/2018 10:12

Have you ever hugged someone with fake breasts? Its like a hard lump on the middle of them!

BackInRed · 08/11/2018 10:34

I think the bigger problem is your sister assuming that you would get breast implants when surely she must know you're not interested in it.

Maybe it's because you remind her of what she looked like before and didn't like about herself. Or maybe it's because she looks like "glam" plastic by comparison and it outs her to others.

Your sister and her own insecurities are what stirred this all up.

Don't make your husband the villain because of her and don't make him pay for your exes douchebaggery.

DaphneCanDoBetterThanFred · 08/11/2018 18:34

mumto2babyboys
Honestly men do have a thing for big boobs

That is such a mean and thoughtless comment to make on this thread (don’t even get me started on you telling op to get a boob job when she’s told us that’s not what she wants)

And nope, of course not all men have a thing about big boobs. This thread, all my exes, and countless reddit threads prove otherwise

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