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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel insecure because Dsis has had a boob job

146 replies

RoboticSealpup · 07/11/2018 13:18

Dsis and I looked the same before: Slim with a-cups. She's just had surgery to get a full C. My DH knows that I don't want a boob job, so he would never have suggested it. However, Dsis having this done has sort of normalised the idea. She almost assumed I would do the same when she told me about it, which made me feel a bit bad about myself. (A bit like: "I'm fixing my defect! When are you fixing yours?"). Her DH suggested it, but she didn't do it for him. When I asked DH what he thought about boob jobs, he gave me a really unconvincing answer. Something like "it would be weird if you had boobs all of a sudden" and then "I like you, I married you, etc etc. I'm never going to know, what he really thinks, am I? He would never tell me because he doesn't want to hurt my feelings.

I'm relatively happy with my body, but I don't live under a rock- I know I'm far from the ideal with my tiny breasts. I think physical attraction in long term relationships is really important and I know that men are generally pretty obsessed with boobs, although DH doesn't ever look at or comment about other women, so I have absolutely no idea what his ideal is. I'm getting paranoid that he's secretly wishing I had bigger boobs. If that were the case, I'd rather he told me so I could think about it. I wouldn't want to be with someone forever if they lacked something I really wanted. I don't want surgery for myself, but maybe I would do it for him. I'm just never going to know, am I? It's driving me nuts.

OP posts:
JanetLovesJason · 07/11/2018 14:41

Your DH did really well with his answer. Especially as he probably knew that whatever he thinks/says, you’re going to be adamant he prefers big boobs anyway.

This is all about the damage your twat ex did to your self esteem. Sounds like your sister’s husband is a bit too like that twat and not enough like your DH.

RoboticSealpup · 07/11/2018 14:42

You're probably all right and I'm being an idiot.

OP posts:
JessicaJonesJacket · 07/11/2018 14:42

I think you've internalised a lot of ideas from your abusive relationship. It's simply not true that all men like big boobs or that they prefer implants to natural boobs.
Deep down, you must know that your DH loves you. Don't put a wedge between you because of some misplaced jealousy with your DSIS and the remnants of your EA ex.
Take some time to focus on you and what makes you feel attractive.

MyBrexitIsIll · 07/11/2018 14:43

OP i also know plenty of men who don’t like fake boobs at all.

Your DH didn’t say anything because whatever he is saying can be misconstructed or taken the wrong way around. He can’t win.

Besides, would you have surgery just for your DH sexual pleasure?? He is clearly feeling attracted to you so why do you think bigger boobs would be better when there is no issue to solve?

DaphneCanDoBetterThanFred · 07/11/2018 14:44

Oh op your first boyfriend was a twat and not the mouthpiece of all men - by a long shot! Some men love big boobs. Some men love small boobs. Some men just love boobs in any shape or form. I’ve had similar issues to you in the past (without the sister) so I can imagine how you feel, but you are absolutely sabotaging yourself here. I’ve said similar to my dh as you, he’s said it would be weird, and he wouldn’t like it, he loves me just the way I am. I didn’t think that was at all non committal!

You say that you don’t believe he really prefers small boobs - but is it him saying that or you? And why would it be so hard to believe? Why would he be ‘settling’ for you just because you’re not a double d cup? That’s honestly (and I mean this kindly) ridiculous. But also Flowers because I have been you in the past and I nearly broke myself believing I wasn’t good enough. I was more than good enough Smile What do you think would help you feel better about yourself?

Ginkythefangedhellpigofdoom · 07/11/2018 14:44

Well yes he did in fact have a line up of women as you did with men.

Both of you could have chosen anyone to spend your life with, each of you out of every other person on earth chose each other, both of you could easily have chosen not the other and decided to keep looking for someone else but neither of you did.
Now you both need to trust that you chose the other for good reasons.

Your not listening to anything anyone is telling you or worse your picking out one line in a paragraph and twisting it.
My feeling your going to get nothing from this thread all your looking for is for someone to say, your right he wants them you should get them done.

MyBrexitIsIll · 07/11/2018 14:46

DH is the opposite of this twat. I really wanted to believe that he preferred small tits. I don't think he actually does though.
Why? Why aren’t you believing what your DH says.
Your DH, the man you got married to, the father of your two dcs, the man you love and is loving YOU, told you what he likes. And he prefers small boobs.
What wrong with that? Why is thatbhe shouod be lying?

I mean you Saxon yourself your ex for was a twat who was abusive. Why on Earth wouod you believe him when he says ALL men like big boobs? Surely he isn’t the right person to look for to get a;idea of what ‘most men’ like Confused

WowserBowser · 07/11/2018 14:46

Oh this is sad. They are only boobs. I have small ones. I couldn't care less. My husband likes big ones. But at the end of the day they are VERY far down on the list of importance. I'm pretty sure he would prefer me to be funny/a good mum/good fun etc.

Have you ever been measured properly? If you are slim I would bet you are a bigger cup size, smaller band.

Ginkythefangedhellpigofdoom · 07/11/2018 14:47

Sorry I didn't see the last post.

I think your right, your past relationship has made you vulnerable to this type of trigger.

You have to love yourself though and trust that he either loves you as you are or he doesn't deserve to be in your life.

RoboticSealpup · 07/11/2018 14:49

So you would throw away a deep emotional connection, life experiences together, friendship etc for, let's say a 6 pack? Or someone with a cherry red porsche?

Porsche? Wow, I've clearly come across like a shallow idiot! No, but I would never have gotten into a long term relationship with a very short man, for example, because that is just not what I like and it wouldn't be fair on him if I were always wishing he were taller. (However, my abusive ex thought it was fine to get into a long term relationship with me, and then just constantly tell me how far from his big-boobed type I was...)

OP posts:
MiniCooperLover · 07/11/2018 14:49

OP, you believed what glue abusing ex said, why won't you believe what your now loving DH is telling you?

RoboticSealpup · 07/11/2018 14:50

Have you ever been measured properly? If you are slim I would bet you are a bigger cup size, smaller band.

I don't wear bras. I don't need any. I am the smallest I have ever seen. Normally this doesn't really bother me.

OP posts:
NotAnActualSheep · 07/11/2018 14:50

I appreciate there is more to it than this (FWIW, I would just go with your DH. He may well still have chosen you if you had a bigger chest, but he didn't and that's not something that can be changed) but ( in true MN style) are you sure you are an A cup?

I only ask because I had been told I was 34A/B for years, and then did a bra intervention and I was 30D Shock. The extra support provided did make me look bigger (and slimmer) so it's not just psychological.

NancyJoan · 07/11/2018 14:51

Has he ever given you any reason to think he prefers women with big boobs?

Not all men are mad for big boobs, in fact some don't like them at all. My husband is a leg man, which is unlucky for him. (I have legs, but they are short, and a bit chubs)

NotAnActualSheep · 07/11/2018 14:52

Sorry....cross post there...

Whisky2014 · 07/11/2018 14:52

You are insecure. If your sister hadn't have had this would you even consider it?
She is in for a life of surgeries ...I'm pretty sure they need replaced every so often?

Are you a little jealous of your sister now? Would you be happy with bigger boobs? Would you want to put your life at risk to get them? If so, do it. If not, be happy!

RoboticSealpup · 07/11/2018 14:53

@DaphneCanDoBetterThanFred Thank you. I do have self esteem issues.

I guess the reason I no longer believe that he prefers small boobs is that he didn't say that when I asked. He just said it would be weird if I had big ones.

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 07/11/2018 14:53

It's your insecurity making you question your husbands desire, not him. Believe him when he says he loves you the way you are.

Maybe you'd prefer a guy with a bigger dick or more muscles but you still married him didn't you.

MrsStrowman · 07/11/2018 14:54

OP some men actually find plastic surgery, lip fillers etc a turn OFF. DH has commented before that he just doesn't understand why you would go under anaesthetic for anything other than necessary medical reasons and even if it's about mental health or would be so much nicer if people could deal with the root cause rather than the symptom and society supported that (one surgery is rarely enough). I'm flat chested, even in pregnancy, DH doesn't give two hoots. DH is tall and slim and eats like a horse, I've said to him before I wonder what he'd look like super fat (he should be with the amount he eats and the lack of exercise) that doesn't mean I want him to actively gain weight, I love him for who he is. Your DH loves you, married you, has children with you. Your sister is filling herself with chemicals and plastic, in the hope it makes her 'better' I know whose shoes I'd rather be in.

RoboticSealpup · 07/11/2018 14:55

are you sure you are an A cup?

Google Keira Knightley. That's what I look like. I'm an AAA, if anything. Anyway, this is not really the issue...

OP posts:
RoboticSealpup · 07/11/2018 14:57

Has he ever given you any reason to think he prefers women with big boobs?

He's not the kind of guy who looks at other women do I have no idea what he likes. He would never tell me anyone he thinks is pretty as he thinks that's disrespectful to me.

OP posts:
BreconBeBuggered · 07/11/2018 14:58

You weren't watching Everybody Loves Raymond this morning by any chance were you, OP?
Anyway. None of us can tell you what your DH 'really' wants, though the likelihood is that if he longed for an F-cup cleavage to feast his eyes on, he probably wouldn't have fancied you. Take his word for it. And don't go changing bits of your body unless you want it for yourself.

arethereanyleftatall · 07/11/2018 14:58

@MrsStrowman.
Some men? I would imagine ALL the genuinely nice, kindhearted men who don't objectify women.

RoboticSealpup · 07/11/2018 14:59

OP, you believed what glue abusing ex said, why won't you believe what your now loving DH is telling you?

I find it very easy to believe bad things.

OP posts:
WowserBowser · 07/11/2018 14:59

He's not the kind of guy who looks at other women do I have no idea what he likes. He would never tell me anyone he thinks is pretty as he thinks that's disrespectful to me*

So this is totally about you and your own insecurities. That ex of yours has damaged your self esteem. You sound so sad.