Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

...to ask you to show your midwives more love?

112 replies

MooFeatures · 07/11/2018 08:23

Obviously, only the ones who deserve it. There are some right dragons out there - trust me, I work with them.

I’ve been a midwife for 6 years and I’m leaving the job. I love midwifery, but what I do isn’t ‘midwifery’. I’d also like to think I’m one of the good ones: I’ll always advocate for the woman rather than the convenience of the unit, and I refuse to be complicit in the ‘conveyor belt’ mentality which is (unfortunately) the only way all women receive some level of care, no matter how shit it is. This is why I’m going, because I can’t reconcile being a good employee with being a compassionate midwife.

There seems to be a culture on MN of midwife bashing, not that I can say it’s entirely unjustified if half of the posts are true. It’s too late for me now, but if you appreciated your midwife please think about writing them a card to tell them - it might just be the thing which convinces them to stay in the profession, and god knows we can’t afford to lose any more!

OP posts:

Bananacloud · 07/11/2018 08:29

I had a wonderful experience with all the midwives that dealt with me during my pregnancy and birth. Absolutely fantastic job they do. I feel sorry for them actually, no appreciation

SandyY2K · 07/11/2018 08:32

Whilst very nice and sweet, I'll never forget something the midwife said when I was expecting my first DC.

She said a certain piece of equipment was needed while I was in labour.....I can't recall exactly what... but then said someone better than her would come on the next shift and get it..as she couldn't be bothered.

People speak negatively based on their experiences. Despite my experience... I don't speak negatively about midwives. She was just one person and not representative of all midwives.

You do a great job and I understand your frustrations.

HildaOgdensFlyingDucks · 07/11/2018 08:39

Although the community midwives I had ~were shit~ weren't the best, every single one in all of the wards at hospital were wonderful, and I'll never forget them. I had a debrief with the consultant midwife recently and couldn't praise the hospital based ones enough.

Raffles1981 · 07/11/2018 09:35

My midwife was wonderful. She put up with my tantrums, kept me calm, hugged me when I cried (a lot!) My son's middle name is a nod to her, she was only in my life for a week but she will stay with me for life.

SpottingTheZebras · 07/11/2018 09:45

I had terrible midwives with DC1 and they made my pregnancy with DC2 so anxious and difficult, even though those that I saw then were on the whole good and capable. However, I’ll always support midwives as a whole based on the wonderful ones who were so kind and stayed long after their shifts just cuddling me after DC3 died.

cantgetadecentnewname · 07/11/2018 09:54

My midwife was a diamond !!! So kind and non judgmental. Going to see her at my appointments was like going to see a friend. I honestly can’t praise her enough. On her last visit to sign me off I cried and said I wanted her to be my mum 😂 ( I was very emotional postpartum and I’m nc with my mum because of abuse).
Her kindness really touched me, she is a very special lady indeed.

Queenofthestress · 07/11/2018 09:55

My mum is a midwifery support worker, long hours, lots of paperwork, but they still ask for updates on the kids every week, I had the best care they could give and will never forget them, including the look of surprise when DD only took 10 mins to arrive!

Mumof4under10 · 07/11/2018 10:00

My community midwife was amazing with all of my pregnancies and she was even my mum's midwife when she was pregnant with me. She is an amazing women and because we live in a small town we see her regularly and she is always asking after my children even the eldest which was 10 years ago. Out of all the midwives while I've been in labour only one I struggled to bond with and that wasn't because she wasn't good at her job it was more the attitude she had very abrupt and didn't seem very understanding but that was my complicated labour so I don't know if my judgement was off because of the traumatic experience. I think midwives do an amazing job.

Babdoc · 07/11/2018 10:04

Midwives are as mixed a bunch as any other profession. I’ve worked with loads over my 36 years in the NHS, and have to say there’s a toxic subset who were bitchy control freaks, who seemed to enjoy bullying patients, students, and even doctors if they were allowed to get away with it.
However, the good ones were wonderful- calm, professional, supportive, compassionate, and well organised and decisive in emergencies. I’d like to think they are still the large majority.

RollerJed · 07/11/2018 10:05

One told me I had a low pain threshold with dd1 and refused to give me the gas and air and walked away. I gave birth to dd2 with only gas and the most amazing mw for support.

Some mw are pure fucking evil, to speak down to another female in their utmost time of need.

But some like the one i had with dd2 are absolute angels and amazing people.

Eeeeek2 · 07/11/2018 10:06

I had the most amazing community midwife and great midwives for the long stay I had post delivery. But in hospital they didn’t have the time to care for us correctly. They allow partners to stay on the ward, this is the only way to plug to gap as the basic stuff is done by them. I really hope I don’t have to stay this time and my community midwife looks like she is going to retire soon due to burn out. She is still brilliant but looks ragged and clearly is burning the candle at both ends to keep up with the work load.

Ps what do midwives want as presents? Is there too much chocolate given to them?

Kittykat93 · 07/11/2018 10:07

I had some amazing midwives and some downright horrible. The one who was with me as I actually delivered my son was cold, clinical and not supportive whatsoever, and I was petrified whilst having an assisted delivery. I'll never forget how she made me feel at the most vulnerable point in my life.

JellyBaby666 · 07/11/2018 10:11

I left the profession because of bullying and a toxic environment - for me and the women.

However, I have met some incredible women who give their all to the women and families they care for. And I met some who nurtured me through some awful times in my life, they midwife'd me even though I wasn't having a baby. I'll never forget them. And the glorious wonderful moments, hugs and quiet nights just me and a family going through an incredible experience together. I could weep for what I was privileged to be a part of, and what I still miss now, 8 months after I left.

MooChops89 · 07/11/2018 10:12

I'm a midwife too, qualified almost 5 years. I'm so sorry you're leaving and I must admit I've seriously contemplated it too.
I do feel like we have a bad name as a whole because of a few bad apples. Like you I'd hope I'm one of the 'good ones', I've had lots of lovely cards from families and it can absolutely keep you going when you feel battered, drained, burned out.

I'm a mum myself now, DD is 6 months old and I'm dreading going back to work in Feb because so much is changing within our unit and not necessarily for the better, for women or for staff, to try and fit within budget (because that's what it's all about now, isn't it??).

It breaks my heart reading on MN about people's horrible experiences with midwives. I'm sorry for them. The best I can do is to take them on board and make sure I'm never that type of midwife, and help colleagues to do the same.

JellyBaby666 · 07/11/2018 10:13

@Eeeeek2 Chocolates are great, always, but so is nice coffee, biscuits, fruit (someone once got us a fruit basket and it was so nice to have something fresh and healthy!) - having said that, one of the best food gifts was a pizza order on a really busy night shift. No breaks but we did get pizza!

On a more personal note, the most treasured for me are the cards. Especially if you want to thank people specifically - they kept me going on hard days, reminding me of why I did it. I still have them, they're really precious.

Theweasleytwins · 07/11/2018 10:15

My main modwife last time was lovely. Was surprised that he was a man to begin with (i am shy so was worried)

My main midwife this time is also lovely. I accidentally missed an appoinment because i was convinced it was for the next day. She phoned me up to make sure i was okay and booked an appointment for the next day (i apologized a lot) do i took her in some chocolate biscuits😊

Have had some grumpy ones too- that dont understand i am scared of needles despite it being on my notes-highlighted- and have made me feel stupid

MoaningSickness · 07/11/2018 10:17

Yabu. Repeated punching in the face is the closest to get to 'love' I could manage with my midwife if I ever saw her again and she deserves far worse.

Maybe ask yourself why a forum of mostly women who have gone through childbirth with midwives present might have a 'culture of midwife bashing' - maybe it's because so many of them are 'not good' to put it far too politely.

PorridgeOatsAndApple · 07/11/2018 10:17

It's so personal too.

My friend asked if I'd had one particular slightly annoying / bossy midwife at all and I realised that yes I had! She was the supportive but assertive woman who sorted out initial breastfeeding for us! She was a star for me.

CuppaSarah · 07/11/2018 10:18

Only had two bad experiences with midwives. Both of them I clearly caught on a bad day. One was just a bit crap and minimising risks at my booking in, she made me feel I wasn't heard. But at my 40 week appointment, when I was struggling on crutches, with a pelvic injury, repeated reduced movements and a toddler and 5 year old to run around after. She got me booked in for an induction the next day. That time she heard me and helped me feel in control. I only saw her twice and it was clear the first time I saw her she wasn't on good form. We all have bad days and midwifery is a tough job to do on a bad day.

BarryTheKestrel · 07/11/2018 10:20

In my first pregnancy my community midwife was lovely, but the ward was so incredibly short staffed the midwives there were stressed and stroppy, and were clearly unable to provide the care they wanted to give to any of the women on the ward. In my birth debrief it was found that due to the ward circumstances I was not provided the care I should have been which directly lead to the interventions and trauma that came later.

In my second pregnancy however my midwife was amazing, she did all my community care and volunteered herself for theatre duty the day she knew I was booked for my c section so she could accompany me. She also completed all my post natal visits. She knew from the start I was suffering from serious birth anxiety and did everything she could to make me feel comfortable. I adore her!

Nothisispatrick · 07/11/2018 10:22

My midwives were all incredible. I had a super easy pregnancy so didn’t require much from the community midwife, just the basic checks and that was it. Labour was not easy at all and the hospital midwives were absolutely incredible. I can’t thank them enough.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 07/11/2018 10:24

The midwife who actually delivered my baby was amazing and I gave her a big tearful thank you (she hugged me!) and sent a card to the hospital.

I did not send a card to the triage midwives who left me screaming in pain in a public area of the hospital because they thought my need to push was delusional and insisted I was still in latent labour - until one of them finally examined me and said 'ooh, I can see the head' - DS born 45 minutes later! The thing is, that seems to be such a common experience. My lovely delivery midwife did a lot to make me forget about my initial (in my view) poor treatment but I can see why that experience of being disbelieved and dismissed really sticks with some women.

bigKiteFlying · 07/11/2018 10:26

but if you appreciated your midwife please think about writing them a card to tell them

We did that for our assigned MW and the whole MW team for first two pg.

New area and we ended up having to complain about the MW the care was so poor - it was serious bad and not to do with resources. No cards there - though did say thank you in person the one MW who stood up for us with a colleague who was calling us liars because quick births never happen and we said we’d just had one.

EssentialHummus · 07/11/2018 10:29

I had an incredible midwife, at a hospital that historically had a really poor reputation. I couldn't have had better care anywhere, and I wrote to tell them. (And sent DH out to get pizzas in!)

But I also agree with porridge - unbeknownst to me at the time, DD and a friend's baby were born about 5 minutes apart in the same hospital. We had the same MW looking after us at some point. I thought she was calm, experienced and a positive presence to have around. My friend (who is a fairly calm, measured lady) swore that she had a terrible birth experience because of the same woman. Obviously there are some objectively bad MWs with poor bedside ( vadge-side?) manners, but there is also quite a lot which is more subtle/interpersonal.

Thank you to any MWs or HCPs reading.

Doobydoobeedoo · 07/11/2018 10:31

I don't think I ever saw the same MW more than once during my last pregnancy. I wouldn't have known who to send a card to.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5