...to ask you to show your midwives more love?

[MooFeatures]

Obviously, only the ones who deserve it. There are some right dragons out there - trust me, I work with them.

I’ve been a midwife for 6 years and I’m leaving the job. I love midwifery, but what I do isn’t ‘midwifery’. I’d also like to think I’m one of the good ones: I’ll always advocate for the woman rather than the convenience of the unit, and I refuse to be complicit in the ‘conveyor belt’ mentality which is (unfortunately) the only way all women receive some level of care, no matter how shit it is. This is why I’m going, because I can’t reconcile being a good employee with being a compassionate midwife.

There seems to be a culture on MN of midwife bashing, not that I can say it’s entirely unjustified if half of the posts are true. It’s too late for me now, but if you appreciated your midwife please think about writing them a card to tell them - it might just be the thing which convinces them to stay in the profession, and god knows we can’t afford to lose any more!

I had nothing but kind, compassionate and thoughtful care from midwives during a complex pregnancy and difficult birth. I hated not having a single point of contact (up until my PND diagnosis I never saw the same midwife twice and I'm sure that was part of the issue) and I really wish they hadn't given me such contradictory advice on breastfeeding, but otherwise they were wonderful. And a midwife saved my life when I was in the throes of PND and didn't realise it.

Thank you for everything you've done OP. Midwives are heroes in my eyes.

All the midwives I have met during my 4 pregnancies/2 losses have been lovely bar 2 on the EPAS unit who had a very “just get on with it” attitude about my 2 losses. The only real issue I experienced was more to do with how understaffed the wards are, on 2 of the 4 days I was kept in after having DS1 there was only 1 newly qualified midwife looking after 3 wards! The poor lass was completely run off her feet.

I would be very happy to show more love to MW if I thought they deserved it. I've had 4 DC and without exception, every MW I had the misfortune to meet was at best incompetent and at their worst negligent.

I feel that In no other profession would you find individuals that seem to find pleasure in watching a woman suffer in pain whilst laughing, sneering and rolling their eyes.

I'm not surprised that some compassionate MW are leaving this toxic and overworked profession.

for you OP.

I have had nothing but positive experiences with all the midwives I saw before my 2 DCs were born and during their births. After DC1 I intended to send something to them but was too frazzled by the experience to remember their names and DC1 was delivered by a Registrar. After DC2, I sent my fabulous midwife a JL voucher and a card. He called to thank me for it and said he would keep the card forever. He sounded genuinely touched, which made me think that it is a rare occurrence for midwives to receive any kind of card or gift.

All of my midwives were amazing. The one who saw me throughout my pregnancy, the one who delivered my son on her own (well, I helped) as there wasn't a second one available, on her day off, and who did an amazing job of stitching me up. The ones I saw postnatally, who commented on how excellent my stitches were and sorted my son's jaundice - they were all lovely, and amazing at their jobs. I feel very, very lucky.

I didn't "have a midwife" per se. I saw a different midwife for every single antenatal appointment and had different midwives during my labour due to shift change. After I had DS, different midwives came to our house. They were all rather impersonal with me and no relationship or trust was build up. I don't like or dislike midwives. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I had a great communuty midwife and was sad when she was on leave for my post birth check (can't remember what it's called!) so I really hope she got my thank you card ! She warned me that post labour care would be poor, but it didn't prepare me for how bad the experience would make me feel.
During early labour my midwives were excellent and I would love to thank them-never too late for a card I hope! Sadly they went home before the pushing stage and were replaced by an awful midwife who we were stuck with for 12 hours-during delivery then on post labour ward despite repeated requests for a change.
Budget cuts, staffing crisis, ugh.

The midwife who delivered my first didn’t speak to me and didn’t tell me what was happening at any point unless I asked! There was also a newly qualified midwife who was very kind and sweet. My community midwife seems to do the bare minimum and not want to make any additional work for herself, there’s a few I’ve seen at clinic who have been a mixed bunch and some in the fetal assessment unit who have been absolute stars! Sorry you’re leaving. We definitely need more good compassionate midwives!

I moved while I was pregnant and didn't see the same midwife more than once until about 30 weeks. Then I was under the care of the local community midwife who was fab and spotted my PIH, but advocated for me to the hospital when they wanted to induce me early (for their convenience) rather than let me carry to term with the blood pressure tablets that were working perfectly. I did end up induced anyway because I agreed to the first date they had available that was after my due date.

I had what I felt were valid reasons for wanting to carry to term (witnessing two friends with preemies, one of whom sadly didn't survive and one of whom has life long repercussions).

I had said if my blood pressure wasn't being controlled by the meds then by all means get baby out but it was.

At delivery I had one dragon of a midwife.

Rude, officious, dismissive, spoke to me like I was stupid and didn't have a clue.

Thankfully the shift changed before I had to push and I got an absolutely brilliant midwife for the last bit of labour.

That woman saved me from the ventouse!

Amy lightbody if you are reading this you are an absolute hero I will be forever grateful for your outstanding care!

Postnatal ward though, the less said about the better...

I had many many midwives (long drawn out process!) and every single one of them was professional, calm, truly knew what they were doing and kept the whole thing under control.

Absolutely amazing and all these years after I still remember all of their names.

Fabulous women.

Two births, two midwives, both complete ends of the spectrum. MW1 barely noticed I was in the room, sat with her back to me 90% of the time. She told me when I arrived in the delivery suite that I needed to grow up and stop exaggerating the pain (I gave birth in 4 hours start to finish). She grabbed my breast and shoved it in dd1's mouth. That was my introduction to breastfeeding. And told me I wasn't trying hard enough when I couldn't do it. This was after DD1 had been taken away for 20 minutes and no one would tell me what was happening. She was just handed back, boob shoved in her mouth and the woman walked off. I never did find out what that was about.

DD2, lovely MW. Chatty, friendly, caring. Told me everything that was happening. She was checking on another woman at the same time but always told me where she was going, how long she would be and to yell if I needed the slightest thing. She was totally overworked but I felt wonderfully looked after.

I sent a letter and a huge chocolate hamper to MW2!

The midwives I had at the hospital were absolutely awful but I had a great lady for followup appointments afterwards. She deserves all the praise she can get and I really wish all of them were like she was.

I’ve never seen the same midwife twice so have never really felt a connection - good or bad - with any. The one who delivered DD1 was lovely - the midwives swapped half way through which was just as well as the first one was a bit harsh & scary.

Am currently 37 wks with DC2 & I have appts every 2 wks due to various high risk factors. It’s clear that the maternity wards are understaffed, stressed and overloaded.

I think there are far fewer good midwives than bad ones, based on my own experience, what I saw in hospital, and my friends' experience. It's a profession that needs a real shake-up.

My mw for dd1 stayed with me throughout my labour, transferred from the stand slone unit to the hospital - then had to get back the to get her car after!

I saw her a couple of days later when she came up to the ward with another woman and came over to say hello. She clutched her stomach and said that my labour and birth will stay with her!

I sent a thank you card to the ward but if you are reading,Theresa at City Hospital in Brum: thank you!

Midwives with dd2 just sat back after I arrived and said the baby is nearly out. And humoured my demands to get in the pool and started to fill it up! So good experiences for me.

I am so sorry you feel unappreciated I know a number of midwives and it takes someone very special I think to do the job these days as it is underfunded.

Unfortunately as pp have said the few who are truly horrific have a much bigger impact than the many wonderful ones we meet.

The first midwife I had in my Labour was a bully who shouted at me, told me I was failing my baby and railroaded me into treatment i didn't want that also made the situation much worse (and then spent the rest of her time with me telling me she was right to insist that I had it and that it's failure was my fault).

The midwife who took over from her was an angel and was so upset by what I had been through stayed on past her shift, fought for me to have a c-section and stayed with me till it was all over.

Unfortunately it is the first one I think of 12 years later and I am still upset by it.

The two midwives I had during my first birth were amazing!! Absolutely lovely and one of her came to check on me and baby when she came back on shift the following day up on the ward.
The second birth was planned section and the midwife who looked after us on the day was lovely. She knew I was worried as I had been monitored loads in the run up as they thought baby was small- she joked with me and put me at ease.
The community midwives who visited me at home (one qualified already, one a student midwife) were so so lovely and caring. I was feeling quite fragile when they took out my triple knotted stitches (for some reason I was terrified of that part) and they were so understanding. They had concerns about infection and arranged for the doctor to see me ASAP. Lovely ladies who really put patient care first.

I've been meaning to thank a particular one, but have no idea what her name was! I saw so many.

memory a friend is a MW and told me (after I had the same concerns) that they are very good at receiving cards addressed to “the redhead/the one with a Brummie accent/the one with a pink pen” and finding out who’s meant. Otherwise just put your surname and baby’s DOB and they’ll be able to find you.

The midwife and student who delivered my baby were wonderful. Very calm, communicative and allowed me to trust my body and instincts when things were happening very quickly. I’d been told in triage that I was 5cm dilated. In the time It took me from being wheeled from triage to the delivery room in the MLU, I needed to push and felt quite panicked as surely I wasn’t dilated enough? The midwife calmly guided me to do want my body told me and my little boy was born soon after. The student midwife was so sweet in the aftermath and packed my bags and searched the hospital looking for my husband - who needed a walk to process the last few hours, when my blood pressure spiked and I needed transferred out of the MLU.

I think we'd all like cards and presents to thank us for our jobs 

That's not really what happens in most other roles. What makes midwives more special?

Surely a heartfelt thank you and job satisfaction is enough?

@catinboots9 Midwives change and save lives. No matter how good I am at my job I'm not going to do that.

My mum had a horrible nasty women for her labour with me. Wouldn’t listen to her when she said she was in pain etc and then she went off shift and this new lady came on who my mum said was kind and caring and reassuring and actually listened. This was in the 80’s but still it makes a difference.