...to ask you to show your midwives more love?

[MooFeatures]

Obviously, only the ones who deserve it. There are some right dragons out there - trust me, I work with them.

I’ve been a midwife for 6 years and I’m leaving the job. I love midwifery, but what I do isn’t ‘midwifery’. I’d also like to think I’m one of the good ones: I’ll always advocate for the woman rather than the convenience of the unit, and I refuse to be complicit in the ‘conveyor belt’ mentality which is (unfortunately) the only way all women receive some level of care, no matter how shit it is. This is why I’m going, because I can’t reconcile being a good employee with being a compassionate midwife.

There seems to be a culture on MN of midwife bashing, not that I can say it’s entirely unjustified if half of the posts are true. It’s too late for me now, but if you appreciated your midwife please think about writing them a card to tell them - it might just be the thing which convinces them to stay in the profession, and god knows we can’t afford to lose any more!

Mine were all nice (5 day induction) except for the student midwife who was pissed off I'd had time to do my nails the week before coming in 

I did write and thank them. I contacted PALS too.

But that's not what we need. We need a culture ship @MooFeatures - we need to start asking WHY so many as so toxic and changing that. I don't think a few more cards would have made you stay, not really.

During my last birth I had such a wonderful midwife. I was lucky that she was there from when I arrived at hospital through til the actual birth and some of afterwards. She was so kind and respectful and put me firmly in charge. I felt a real attachment in that short time and actually felt so upset at the fact I’d never see her again

Unfortunately during my first birth staff were absolutely horrible. Patronising and so rude, made me feel so inferior and like I didn’t matter. I do think in some hospitals there’s such a culture of disrespect to birthing women- they’re seen as ‘less than’ the medical staff in the room, spoken down to or about in third person like they’re not in the room, consent isn’t sought let alone obtained and staff feel like they’re entitled to full power and control over the women. I never went back to that hospital, my second birth was at a different unit and fully restored my faith in the profession.

Pffft. Women being unhappy with horrid birth experiences are not to blame for the midwife staffing crisis. Yes, it's "too late" for you, but if you're blaming the women suffering under budget cuts, staffing issues and a conveyer belt of care, maybe a career change would be best.

Unhappy women, who complain and don't say thanks are a symptom of the problems not the cause.

1 shitty midwife who advised l couldn't be in pre term labour as l 'looked' alright, required crash section when the doctor walking past in the waiting room looked at me,the rest wonderful.

Unfortunately my experience with midwives was so bad I had a planned c section with my subsequent children as I would never put myself in their care ever again.

I only have positive experiences of midwives.

My first labour was quite long. The midwife who finally delivered DS did her shift, went home and came back the next day. She refused to leave me until DS finally decided to come out, about 5 hours after the end of her shift. She advocated for me when the registrar was trying to push for a C-section, pointed out to him that my assessment of there being no medical justification was correct. She booted out the third horde of medical students, reckoned that my willingness to allow both a student midwife to examine me and the first 2 hordes of medical students were more than enough. I went home several days after delivery, but a friend had arranged a big bouquet of flowers to arrive at the hospital, and they arrived about 2 hours after I left. I rang the hospital and asked them to be given to my midwife. I had a lovely letter from her saying it was the first time anyone had done that for her. Her name was Anna. She was awesome.

I didn’t have good midwife experience either which is a shame as it’s a profession I look on as someone who is privileged to do such a role and be part of a major event in someone’s life. Mine included:
Community midwife who was with me for weeks checking position etc and preparing me for a home birth. I was taken in with reduced movement which turned into a c-section as she was breech and had been for around 9 weeks based on the discomfort I had and coed around the neck. When she can ego pick up the gas and air at home I told her what had happened and she shrugged and said you can’t get it right all the time
The second on the ward after I had my daughter who I was bottle feeding was encouraging a lady to breastfeed behind the curtain in the bay next to me knowing I was there. She said “come on now you can do this, the ones feeding by bottles may as well be feeding their kids cheeseburger and chips because they aren’t breastfeeding”. Marvellous comment.
The next were after they told me to go to the toilet to have my first wee after the catheter had gone. I struggled up and started walking and she shouted” you, take that baby now, you don’t leave babies here”. My head was gone I was in that much pain and I didn’t know I couldn’t leave the tagged baby asleep presuming she was safe as I hadn’t done it before 😥
I was also told after the birth to wait for some tea and toast as I hadn’t eaten for 18 hours. I’m still waiting now 8 years later. I munched a packet of crisps at midnight. In the morning I said I would like some breakfast as hadn’t had my tea and toast and was told you can have some when you get up out that bed.
I’m sure there are some lovely midwifes out there who really want to make a difference to people and their birth experience but to be honest I can see now why I only had the one child in hindsight 😆

I had amazing midwives. So supportive, kind and caring. I even saw a midwife when I came in to have DD and she recognised me from when I was in with DD 2.5 years earlier! I got through induction with gas and air on DS and just a TENS with DD and I'm. Sure that was because I had an amazing DH and midwife support system around me. I'm a doctor and know the NHS is in the shit but we mist recognise the good eggs

Spot on @BeansMeansFun 👍🏼

I have four children: three elective sections purely because of the horrific treatment I was subjected to by midwives during my first child’s birth. There’s a reason there’s a 12 year gap between my first and second child. I would never, ever give birth “naturally” again. “Stop whinging what did you expect” I was told during the birth of my first son. I was 22 and terrified. I aborted my second pregnancy through fear of having to do it again. Thank fuck ob gyn consultants sometimes listen.

My experience of elective section was fabulous by the way!

I think you're way off, op. Even if you manage to get 1 good midwife in your birth experience (and I finally had a lovely one with the birth of dc3), a woman will have been messed about so much and encountered several HCPs who are incompetent. In addition to that, I saw 3 midwives and 1 doctor (that I can think of immediately) over the course of pregnancies and births that were just cruel for no reason that I could see.

@MoaningSickness is spot on. There's a reason we complain about midwives. My community midwives were OK - one was fabulous - but I was let down by every single midwife in that effing hospital and they admitted it in my birth debrief. Yes, for some it was due to staffing issues and general malaise but some just did not give a shiny shit.

My community midwife was good and kind. I saw her through both pregnancies. Being identified with SPD in my first pregnancy would have been beneficial though; I was near enough to housebound in the final month. She did get me referred in as timely a way as possible second time.

Community post-natal care was good. I had extra checks at home because of the recoveries of both births. Some got rescheduled to home instead of the other side of town because a forceps delivery wrecked havoc with my SPD ridden pelvis.

I can't say much about MWs in labour with DS1. It turned into a long labour with complications and EMCS. I wasn't that aware of what was going on for much of the 13 hours in the labour room. It was so busy that night and the following days and that has such an impact on the care you can offer. The staffing ratios were poor on postnatal. I noticed a difference in the care offered as the ward quietened over the next few days. HDU was great as it was 1:2 patients.

Second time, the MW in labour was lovely. She spent much of the 3 hours on her knees to facilitate me being able to kneel over the ball because the contact from the monitors was poor. I had issues with the thought of being monitored on my back from the final hours of the first birth. She kept me feeling much more informed and aware of what was going on, which despite another emergency rush to theatre, was a healing experience after the first birth felt so out of control.

My babies were 8 & 5 years ago. It's the overloaded system that I've had issues with rather than individual MWs. For many women, giving birth is one of the most vulnerable experiences they can go through. It's not a great time to remember names. I found having a new baby and dealing with birth injuries were somewhat distracting from passing on thanks where it was due.

Interestingly different wards get vastly different levels of charitable donations recieved. Cancer wards are understandably the highest. Maternity/ NICU are amongst the lowest.

Really interesting thread for me as a MW. I like to think I'm one of the good ones but confess I've sometimes handed over to the new shift during the pushing stage, and didn't consider how hurtful it could be to the woman. As a student I often used to stay, but sometimes it would turn out that the woman pushed for another hour, then ended up going into theatre for forceps, then lost a lot of blood, or the baby needed assistance at birth... obviously totally inappropriate to even consider leaving at that point. But we think to ourselves "she'll probably give birth within 20 minutes - I'll stay", and end up going home 3 or 4 hours later after the above has happened and we've completed all the necessary paperwork. And of course my 3 hours of lost sleep is not comparable in significance to the woman's experience of being in theatre / losing blood / watching her baby be taken to the resuscitaire. But when you have to be back for your next shift 8 hours later and still need to get home, eat, wash your uniform, sleep, and commute back, you have to do what you need to to make sure you can get back in a fit state to work the next day.
In any case, having read the thread I'll consider more carefully how I talk to the woman about the shift change before it happens, and make sure she knows when I'm leaving how much I'd have loved to meet her baby.
Thank you to all who have shared their experiences here. Some truly heartbreaking stories, and also plenty for me to take away and reflect on.

During my first pregnancy my community midwives were lovely, couldn't have asked for nicer, however when I was admitted to the ante-natal ward while in the early stages of labour I had 2 vile nasty xenophobic bitches who endangered my life and that of my baby's. I was classed as a high risk patient and had it written across the front of my notes.

The left me in the ante-natal ward and ignored me and when I was having bad contractions and waddled down to their station in the middle of the night they gave out to me for disturbing their lazing around doing nothing time.

By 6am I couldn't take the pain any longer and buzzed them and when one of them came to me she put the monitor on me while giving out to me for disturbing her. She came back 30 mins later and because I was lying down gripping the headrest she didn't bother to check me but gave out to me and said as I was lying down she'd leave me there for another 30 mins.

As it turned out I was actually in the pushing stage and it was only when the day staff came on duty at 7am was I checked and then a big panic to get me to the delivery suite. My community midwife was so disgusted by them that she urged me to make a formal complaint which I did do. They lied but I had another patient who was a witness to it.

I would have felt safer giving birth in a field than have those 2 wagons anywhere near me.

2nd time round I had a good experience but I was also more assertive and prepared.

With so many women having bad experiences with midwives is it any wonder midwives have a poor reputation, they have it for a reason. One of my sister's is a midwife and she's a ringing bitch. It seems to attract a certain type.

@MooFeatures what job are you planning to move to ?

Im leaving nursing after twenty years ... it will put me in an early grave if i dont leave . I will take a huge pay drop but my health and quality of life are more important.

People like us cant keep propping up a broken system.

You are brave and right to go ... good luck
in everything.

Depends - the ones in the hospital we’re absolutely awesome. the community ones - absolutely useless and disinterested. no dragons though ;)

@BeachMeansFun

Unhappy women, who complain and don't say thanks are a symptom of the problems not the cause.

Yes, and I explained in my OP that I don’t want to be part of that problem anymore. But not all women are unhappy - there have been plenty of positive stories on this thread. My point is, if those women told their midwives how much they appreciated them then it could be a tiny step forward in solving a bigger issue.

When has more nice-ness ever been a bad thing?

The midwife who almost killed me and my son with her incompetence can fuck right off.

The midwives in my second and third labours were angels. They never left my side, stayed past their shifts, calmed me when I was panicked of a repeated of my first.

There were 5 midwives in the room when I gave birth to my fourth child. I’d been up on maternity and insisted on coming down as I was feeling like I needed to push, but the monitor said my contractions were mild. The female midwife on the ward disagreed with me. The male midwife took one look at me and got me in a wheelchair and whisked me down. He then spent 10 minutes arguing with the female midwives on labour suite about how far through labour I was. He was the only one who noticed when I started pushing (I was stood up with no pain relief) and he’s the only reason I didn’t bloody drop my baby on the floor as she came barrelling out.

He later won midwife of the year

@RolandDeschainsGilly I suspect I know who you’re talking about, and if I’m right - he’s a star!!

I was in hospital so long that I went through the entire roster of midwives in the hospital and I have to admit that they were wonderful. I was very very ill and DS was premature.
Three in perticular stand out to me. The first was the head midwife who came in on her day off because she was worried about me and wanted to know if I was ok. The second was a young midwife who was just so lovely and supportive and the third was a student who was with me through my section and then transferred to the NICU and became one of my son's nurses for the 5 weeks he was there.
I hope I see these women again when I have my next dc

I think most people who had good midwives appreciated them and have told them so.
I sent a card and thanks to the midwife who was with me in delivery - but no way would I be thanking the negligent midwives from my induction and labour experience. They were rude, lazy and negligent. That’s not interpersonal or opinion, just fact.

Op come and join us in the south west. We love our midwives and it's not a conveyor belt at all! (I had a dreadful mw with dd1 who refused to listen and got the registrar to come but said "he'd only repeat what she'd said (that I was being dramatic and not even 1cm dilated)" I was 10cm! 
However, I've also had the best midwives you can imagine so it balances out. Now I work in a hospital and, looking at our maternity fb page, there's a lot of love for our midwives here!