...to ask you to show your midwives more love?

[MooFeatures]

Obviously, only the ones who deserve it. There are some right dragons out there - trust me, I work with them.

I’ve been a midwife for 6 years and I’m leaving the job. I love midwifery, but what I do isn’t ‘midwifery’. I’d also like to think I’m one of the good ones: I’ll always advocate for the woman rather than the convenience of the unit, and I refuse to be complicit in the ‘conveyor belt’ mentality which is (unfortunately) the only way all women receive some level of care, no matter how shit it is. This is why I’m going, because I can’t reconcile being a good employee with being a compassionate midwife.

There seems to be a culture on MN of midwife bashing, not that I can say it’s entirely unjustified if half of the posts are true. It’s too late for me now, but if you appreciated your midwife please think about writing them a card to tell them - it might just be the thing which convinces them to stay in the profession, and god knows we can’t afford to lose any more!

I am 33 weeks into my third pregnancy and have somehow managed to never see the same midwife more than once. Some feat! However they’ve all been pleasant.

I had wonderful midwives - especially the community midwife for my first dc who arrived past 7pm (for a 4pm visit) then stayed 2 hours to get breastfeeding working thankfully she did accept a meal from my mum, she will always be in my thoughts (alas she was involved in a fatal accident five years ago I heard working with South American low income communities). My midwife for my second dc was also great but (by this time we were in the us) also did women's annual health checkups so I saw her until we returned to the U.K., it was great to be able to have continuity of care.

catinboots9
I’m sure everyone would like more appreciation, and I’m all for giving people it. The difference is, I’m not aware of a staffing crisis in retail/marketing/finance/law. More midwives are leaving than entering, the situation will become much worse if allowed to continue as is, and I’ve suggested one small way of possibly keeping one or two midwives going for a bit longer.

Also, compare the amount of threads on MN about women suffering significant mental health issues triggered by birth vs trauma caused by an accountant or teacher. That’s the importance of the role we have, and it’s exhausting trying to perform it well with no thanks from management - so a little from the women we look after goes a long way.

Hhhmm I can't imagine how tough it is. There are however, many many other professions that are suffering due to cuts.

Do GPs need a token of gratification after each consultation to stop them leaving the job? Should I pop down to my local police station with boxes of chocolates every time a crime is solved? Send flowers to the Fire Brigade for every fire extinguished? A hand written note to the teacher for each fact my child is taught?

Catinboots9 you make a valid (and I’m sure deliberately provocative) point about the other jobs, and throughout the thread I’ve said everyone would like to be valued more. But I’m not a GP, police officer, fire fighter or teacher: I’m a midwife, so that’s the profession I’ve chosen to talk about.

My antenatal care was patchy, but the midwife who was with me through labour and delivery was great. I wrote her a card & put together a massive hamper of teas, flavoured coffees, syrups and hot chocolates. (She’d mentioned that they always get given chocolates and she was trying to resist, so I tried to do something a bit different that hopefully the whole department would enjoy.)

I didn't have great experiences with DC1&2's labours, to the point that I'd have happily given birth alone the third time. DH insisted on calling them & the midwives who came to my home birth with DC3 were so lovely I made a point of telling them they'd restored my faith in midwifery!

The midwife I had was a horrible bitchy woman who had an issue with me being a single parent. After being induced 3 times I finally gave birth after 19 hours, with no pain relief (I wasn’t the only patient you no) I couldn’t take Gas and Air, this included the stitches I had to have.

When my dd was birn she ran a bath but told me I had two minutes to sort myself out as I’d better get used to doing it all on my own due to my choice to be a single mum. I was in a closely related profession and always respected the NHS.

I swore I’d never put myself through it again and decided not have another child and I haven’t. This was only 14 years ago. As soon as my dd was born she did a huge poo all down her uniform

Ironically my dd is set on become a midwife.

I saw so many midwives during my two pregnancies and labours due to bleeds and having to go in so the midwife could listen in and give me anti d. My community midwife wasn’t always available but every single midwife I saw (except two) were absolutely amazing. I wrote thank you cards and gave presents to both of my community midwives and also the the ladies who helped me deliver and wrote personal thank yous to the ones who went above and beyond at the hospital. I feel very glad to have had such caring professionals look after me and I remember crying after being discharged with my first baby as the community midwife had looked after me so well and I felt sad to say goodbye. You guys do a great job. Sorry you are leaving the profession.

I think this is just society today in general, where has courtesy, manners and being polite evaporated to? Seriously, people are horrible these days. I cannot understand people who do not thank others for their help or support - regardless of the situation so not thanking or showing appreciation to the person that helped bring your child into the world is baffling.

Of course this only goes if your midwife is nice, I’ve met some awful ones, some I don’t even understand being in the profession when they are such nasty nasty people.

One told me bluntly that my son had stopped growing at around 34 weeks pregnant so would either die or maybe had dwarfism.

One went into a full on rant about how my husband must have only married me because he thought he’d got me into trouble (pregnant) all because my wedding ring was too shiny to be married for any reasonable length of time

One said she was going to get me blood for a transfusion after PPH and never came back with it and I later heard her say oh she can build herself back up, she’ll be fine with iron tablets 😡

I was also really hurt when the midwife delivering my son left when his head was almost out as it was shift change, I was honestly gobsmacked by that and the new midwife only just got gloves on before catching my son - she was amazing though and stayed with me during the emergency surgery I had to have afterwards, she held my hand the whole time, I was so frightened. She stayed with me well after her shift ended too as I was touch and go for a while.

Also another midwife who I will never forget who helped me the morning and after my surgery as I couldn’t move due to spinal block for surgery and turned out I was still bleeding heavily and bed was soaked in blood and I was an absolute state down below, there were some harsh words exchanged that morning after she had sorted me out. I actually look like a ghost in my first pics with ds, don’t actually know how I’m still here after that. She was Yvonne M and I will be forever thankful to her.

It’s so sad op that you are having to leave something you love and you haven’t been thanked for the excellent care you provide

I'm a "good one" too I think, and I left. I do something similar now... But I'm not prepared to be treated the way I am by management and very occasionally some service users (usually aggressive family members) but its so rare, but its not worth it for the money. The bullying and bitching is awful, and there's cliques everywhere.

Sorry didn't mean to talk about myself, just letting you know I feel similar.

At 17 the midwife who delivered DD1 told me to "shut up" whenever I made the slightest noise, that I was a "stupid little girl" and afterwards as she had her finger inserted in my ass hole decided to comment that I should go back to school and educate teens about contraception.
The midwife who delivered DD2 the day after my grandmothers funeral was run off her feet, but she stayed with me, stroked my leg, comforted me and was so encouraging and so supportive.
I don't think nastiness or unprofessionalism is a midwife thing, I think it's a people thing and unfortunately lots of them do get tarred with the same brush.

I wrote to the chief exec at frimley Park to praise the amazing staff on the mulberry unit - I had the best possible experience I could have hoped for and was happy to say a very big thank you!

Yeah I had some lovely midwives.My daughter is now 14 and one of her middle names is named after one of the midwives.So to Anita the midwife,thank you very much.

My community midwife was the most wonderful woman
Even now when I walk past someone who is wearing the perfume she wore I get a fuzzy feeling (I'm not a weirdo I promise)
I had to see her a lot and most of the appointments were home visits because I couldn't leave the house
I don't actually know how I would have got through it without her support
I made sure she knew this

The midwife who delivered my baby was also incredible
Helped me have the birth I wanted and avoided the things which happened in my first birth I was desperate to avoid

I still feel emotional when I think about them and baby is 5 months old 😭

I didn't say thank you to the rude cashier in Asda who barely looked at me when serving me and rolled her eyes when I asked for a bag so why on earth would I say thank you to the woman who embarrassed me and belittled me at my ultimate one of need. Some midwives are fucking awful, accept it.

I really appreciated the midwives I had (due to length of labour, I had a few). I returned the week after with some thank you gifts for the department (biscuits, tea, coffee and cold drinks) but also with a letter to the department heads mentioning specific midwives and things done I was grateful for. I also stopped and did the same for the midwife on the recovery ward who backed up my wish to recover at home. I have had good and bad experiences with the NHS and the bad ones, made me much more determined to draw attention to the great members of staff.

All I remember of my midwife is that she made me feel like I was being an annoying wimp during labour and kept telling me she hadn't done the paperwork yet to get me paracetamol for my contractions, when actually I went from 3cm to 10cm dilated in about 2 and a half hours.

I actually felt like I was annoying her telling her how bad the pain was, whenever I think about my dd's birth I just remember feeling so alone and eventually gave birth with no pain relief (not by choice!) but I felt I couldn't talk about that bcos I should have been grateful to have my healthy baby.

This has already been said, but midwives are like any profession, there will be good ones and bad ones, as well as ones who are usually good but may be having a bad day or have things going on at home.

But if I were to have another baby, I wouldn't be showing the midwives 'more love', I'd be bloody wary and more cynical than first time.

Oh and I do it with other people too. My son's first teacher had a thank you letter with a copy forwarded to the head (she helped with something tricky and was very professional and kind). A shop assistant helped me find a cuddly toy for my firstborn (died mid pregnancy) and I wrote a thank you note. I then bumped into her a year later and she thanked me and told me she'd been on trial and that note meant they took her on full time a month before the end of the trial.
I do think in general, if someone makes a difference to you, it's good manners to acknowledge that if possible.

ItsLikeRainOnYourWeddingDay - way ahead of you in my OP.

My OP: ”Obviously, only the ones who deserve it. There are some right dragons out there - trust me, I work with them.”

You: ”Some midwives are fucking awful, accept it.”
...I fairly evidently have.

My OP: ”if you appreciated your midwife please think about writing them a card to tell them - it might just be the thing which convinces them to stay in the profession, and god knows we can’t afford to lose any more!”
...I didn’t ask you to worship us all! You clearly have reason to dislike your midwife and don’t appreciate her, ergo no need to go out of your way to thank her.

My midwives for deliveries were both idiots who didn't listen. I got yelled at with ds1 because I couldn't possibly need to push, she'd only checked 10 minutes ago. His head was out while she was pissing about with my iv, she didn't believe me, dh had to check and tell her.

Ds2 they insisted I walked form the midwife only unit to the labour ward as there was more blood than they liked, I said I thought I needed to push and ds1 was quick. He was born in the clinical room which was the first room I could rush into to try and preserve some dignity. The fucking stupid witch then complained that she hadn't been wearing gloves.

Hopefully they have both moved on to more suitable careers, prison wardens maybe.

My best friend lost her first baby to stillbirth. The midwife who delivered her second said - and I was there - "let's hope this one goes better than the last time hey"!

I have friends and family who are midwives and I know them to be warm and compassionate. But some are genuine arseholes. Like most people!

I'm gobsmacked at the midwife who left mid delivery due to a shift change. I would have had to complain about that. Totally unprofessional

I hope the trainee midwife who saw to me after delivery has stayed on in the profession, as she was lovely. I hope that the midwife who actuall delivered my baby is still there too. I sent a thank you card to the SCBU nurses who looked after DS when he was so small and prem, but perhaps I should have sent something to them as well.

There's no way that the midwives (plural) who repeatedly failed to perform any postnatal checks on me and who didn't bother to even ask my DS's name needed to get a single chocolate or card - it would be better if they left the profession TBH given how bitter and unprofessional they were

You making me wish i had a nice midwife. Mine were none descript although i think the one who was going off duty who told the doctor i was in labour might have been abit one. Doctor said are you scared of giving birth. I wasnt just in abit of pain. Midwife said shes in labour ill get some gas and air. I was 6 cms by then in. 30 minutes. Not fun. However she left and sadly next one had poor english. Thank god for dh who helped me.