To feel hurt?

[Wineloffa]

I found out today that I was the only person in the office (bar two temps) who wasn’t invited to a colleague’s wedding. There are 13 in the office. I found this out when someone posted a group pic of everyone at the wedding on our intranet.

I have been working in the office for three years and get on really well with everyone. I feel shocked and hurt and can’t think why I would have been excluded.

Obviously I can’t say anything because the bride is entitled to invite whoever she wants to her wedding and I wouldn’t dream of causing a fuss but I feel it’s changed things for me and things will be different in the office from now on.

I even contributed to a card and a gift and wished her well on her last day. Apparently they’ve all been chatting in a WhatsApp about the wedding for weeks. I feel so silly now..

but everyone in here is so nice.

No they're not. Everyone 'in here' went along with you being excluded from an event. They're just nervous of what you might say. They're not your friends.

I know the evidence seems to be against it but I can’t help thinking there must have been some kind of mistake or misunderstanding.

I would speak confidentially to the manager who attended to find out if the exclusion had been deliberate it a WhatsApp style oversight. (I know from experience how easy it is to leave a colleague off a social group by mistake).

a couple of years ago where the op worked in a car showroom, and all bride’s colleagues on the shop floor were invited, she was the only one left out

I remember that poster Aeroflotgirl. I wonder what happened, as the OP never came back to say. Weren’t they both the receptionists, and the OP never got invited. It was awful.

Yes it was IThinkIm, she never did come back, she did a collection for the bride, gave her a lovely gift, helped her with wedding planning, she was like a friend to her. It was awful, the poor op must have been so upset.

There was also a thread almost identical to this one earlier in the year but the poster didn’t work in a car showroom.

I was invited to the hen but couldn’t go as was out of the country (legit excuse). Do you think this might be the reason? She seemed fine about it at the time though!

Hmmmm - that might be something to do with it? No idea why the bride would be pissy about you not going to the Hen, but what other reason could there be for no wedding invite?

It's not really adding up. She's really nice, your colleagues are really nice, she was happy to invite you to her hen party, and yet you're excluded from the wedding and everyone else has gone along with this.

I really think there's some logical explanation with a huge communication error or misunderstanding at the centre. I would really have a quiet word with someone and find out what's happened. It takes someone particularly spiteful to deliberately exclude one person from a group, and the bride doesn't appear to be in anyway nasty or spiteful.

Talk to someone!

This is the thread

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3242116-only-1-not-invited-to-wedding

This is the thread Aeroflotgirl was talking about (if I’m thinking of the same one)

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2796140-Aibu-to-feel-massively-left-out?pg=1&order=

What a shitty thing for them to do
I would be hurt too

Yes IThinkingiam, that's the one, with op being calledPitchy* or something.

You didn't go to the hen. Why would you get a wedding invite? If they all went to the hen then that is likely why they all got an invite. She probably wanted big hen numbers and then felt obligated to invite them all.

@PollyFlinderz I thought that too. I'm sure it's MN staff creating traffic sometimes 😂

Yes IthinkIm, that's the one, very sad, poor op to be treated like that. TurkeyBear, that might be one reason, if they all went to the hen, and then she wanted to invite those at the hen do. Who knows, it is not nice leaving one out though.

I had this at a previous job - they'd organised a 'secret' weekend break for the four other women in the office (plus other halves) and conspired to keep it secret from me. I was really hurt when I found out (not because I wanted to go, in all honesty I'd have said no!) because of the secrecy and talk behind my back.

It ruined my comfortable 'work friends' relationships and I was pleased to move on when the time came. Some people are just arses, OP - try to hold your head high and brush it off (and go out at the weekend with your REAL friends)...

Just read the end of that thread, how the horrid bride put her arm around op in the party and said your good at your job and a good friend to me, op missed an opportunity to say, well not good enough friend to invite to your wedding. Oh well, it was 2 years ago so not reopening the thread.

Is there anyone you are closer to than anyone else who you could quietly ask?

I would be so tempted to go to the next social occasion, let them talk about the wedding and respond to each with 'oh, it seems I wasn't invited'

Make them uncomfortable as hell, delicious

Thanks for all your replies. I’m feeling better about it now, more calm, less emotional. I refuse to believe that this was malicious and am taking comfort from the hen party explanation or that maybe I missed a group invite along the way. I’m not about to fall out with everyone over it, it’s not worth that.

I’ll find out eventually when the dust settles. Thanks for all your advice and replies, they have been very helpful. I’m leaving this thread now but I’ll let you know if I get an update.

I am glad, they are not your friends, just a bunch of people that you work with. Go to that thing on Saturday with your head held high.

Op, please update even if you find out in 2yrs, how things went.

There's nothing worse than being excluded - I would be tempted to ask why.

OP I think you have handled this really well, in spite of you feeling so hurt. This is really shitty. [Flowers] for you

Something similar-ish happened at my work recently. I noticed that my team were all talking about certain place. Not all at once, just one or two here and there. At first I thought it was general chat about a place they wanted to go to but it dawned on me finally that it was a place they were going to be going to together on a weekend away! I felt awful, I felt I couldn't ask about it without them feeling they had to ask me but didn't really want to. I thought they all liked me and didn't understand why I was left out. Thinking about it I'm a little older than them but don't think of myself as being older. Maybe they do. It felt horrible anyway so I understand where you're coming from. I ended up saying nothing but it still hurts.

Not the same situation, but I took a load of invites in to work (addressed and stamped) and put them in the outgoing mail tray, none of the 20 invites were delivered: reason was the lady that did the post was annoyed with me (disciplinary reasons), she swears the post was collected, but how come none of it arrived?

Could your invite have been mislaid somehow?