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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel hurt?

150 replies

Wineloffa · 06/11/2018 17:39

I found out today that I was the only person in the office (bar two temps) who wasn’t invited to a colleague’s wedding. There are 13 in the office. I found this out when someone posted a group pic of everyone at the wedding on our intranet.

I have been working in the office for three years and get on really well with everyone. I feel shocked and hurt and can’t think why I would have been excluded.

Obviously I can’t say anything because the bride is entitled to invite whoever she wants to her wedding and I wouldn’t dream of causing a fuss but I feel it’s changed things for me and things will be different in the office from now on.

I even contributed to a card and a gift and wished her well on her last day. Apparently they’ve all been chatting in a WhatsApp about the wedding for weeks. I feel so silly now..

OP posts:
ButchyRestingFace · 06/11/2018 18:14

Yes my manager was there.

Has your manager mentioned it to you? I wonder if they know that you weren't invited rather than choose not to attend.

I'm a bit Hmm at the idea of your manager attending the wedding when out of such a small team, only one permanent member of staff wasn't invited. But perhaps that's just me (I'm not a manager).

MatildaTheCat · 06/11/2018 18:16

Is there any one person you are close to that you could ask about this? Maybe just say you have discovered you are the only one not invited and feel pretty awkward about it- is there any reason she knows of?

I know it won’t help but some of the others must feel bad for you and it’s possible, just possible that there has been an error and nobody realises including the bride if (clutches at straws) your invitation went astray?

Original poster
Wineloffa · 06/11/2018 18:16

Thank you for all your replies. It’s good to know I’m not overreacting. It took all my power not to cry in the office this morning when I saw that photo.

I won’t bring it up with my manager though.

OP posts:
pisner · 06/11/2018 18:16

Is there any one particular person you're more friendly with that u could mention it to ? I'd be hurt but also really want to find out why 

Aeroflotgirl · 06/11/2018 18:17

If I were your manager, if I knew beforehand that a member of my team was the only one excluded from somebodies wedding or party, I would not go, and would be having words with them.

MatildaTheCat · 06/11/2018 18:17

Sorry, just reread and realise that’s not the case.

YANBU.

wewillrememberthem · 06/11/2018 18:18

I think they didn't have a choice but to keep it a secret so as not to hurt your feelings. As guests it wasn't their place to tell you they'd been invited and you hadn't. I would imagine the bride had given them the heads up not to discuss it in front of you as she'd decided not to invite you. As a guest I would have felt uncomfortable but backed into a corner and kept my mouth shut.

Don't let it spoil your relationship with the rest of your colleagues, but keep her at a distance, the nasty cow!!

Original poster
Wineloffa · 06/11/2018 18:18

After today I don’t know who to trust anymore. I feel so hurt.

OP posts:
ButchyRestingFace · 06/11/2018 18:20

After today I don’t know who to trust anymore. I feel so hurt.

I'm not surprised. And it was inevitable that you would feel that way so your colleague knew what she was doing.

I don't think your other colleagues sound like terribly sensitive individuals either. Flowers.

ProfessorMoody · 06/11/2018 18:20

Oh no OP, this is awful.

Something similar happened to a colleague. It turns out that she wasn't invited because she didn't drink and the rest of the cohort thought that meant she couldn't ever go out. Confused
I uninvited myself by telling the person that I didn't drink either, as she didn't know. She felt bad but still didn't invite my colleague. It was a shitty thing to do.

Original poster
Wineloffa · 06/11/2018 18:20

If it was me and I knew a colleague had been excluded I would actually refuse to go. I did this once in my last office when someone suggested organising a secret weekend away and not inviting someone. I would never be complicit in something like this which makes it even harder to fathom.

OP posts:
unexpectedtwist · 06/11/2018 18:21

This would have me looking for another job. I feel for you OP what a shit thing to happen. 

Original poster
Wineloffa · 06/11/2018 18:22

Unfortunately that’s not an option unexpectedtwist.

OP posts:
ButchyRestingFace · 06/11/2018 18:23

You're right, OP. I just wonder whether wedding woman told the others, including manager, that you had been invited but weren't able to attend. 🤔

Otherwise they are a grossly insensitive bunch and your manager, on the face of it, sounds unprofessional.

Varmints · 06/11/2018 18:26

Yanbu, that's horrible Sad

dontalltalkatonce · 06/11/2018 18:26

I think they didn't have a choice but to keep it a secret so as not to hurt your feelings. As guests it wasn't their place to tell you they'd been invited and you hadn't. I would imagine the bride had given them the heads up not to discuss it in front of you as she'd decided not to invite you.

Then that makes them as bad as the bride herself. Guests are not bound by gagging clauses and who has time for cowards like this? You're better off without the lot of them, OP.

Ohyesiam · 06/11/2018 18:27

That would floor me op Flowers

Tahani · 06/11/2018 18:28

There is a social outing organised for this Saturday but I’m going to cancel myself because I couldn’t face any wedding chat when I hadn’t been invited.

Oh I would enjoy going out on this, watching them squirm. .

Shirleyphallus · 06/11/2018 18:28

I’d speak to the bride and find out why I wasn’t invited. Fuck this “it’s the bride’s choice” that is deliberately nasty

nzeire · 06/11/2018 18:28

Yuk, sometimes I hate people. I really don’t get it at all.

When my 14 year old daughter has wobbles like this, I tell her to get used to it, asalthough it lessens with age, it certainly doesn’t stop

What a horrible situation.

nzeire · 06/11/2018 18:29

And, sorry it happened to you, you sound lively

nzeire · 06/11/2018 18:29

Lovely even

7yo7yo · 06/11/2018 18:29

Bunch of twats.
I’d bring it up and say I wouldnt have contributed to her collection if I’d known what a bully she was.
And if anyone complains say your just as bad because you were complicit in excluding me. I feel bullied and victimised.
Watch them all (including manager) shit their pants.

SpikyHair · 06/11/2018 18:30

I would be hurt, confused and paranoid. Fuck them OP. Just do your job, go home and be with your real friends xx 😘

ButchyRestingFace · 06/11/2018 18:31

I’d speak to the bride and find out why I wasn’t invited. Fuck this “it’s the bride’s choice” that is deliberately nasty

Oh no, I'd speak to the MANAGER and put them in a verrrry awkward position, the unprofessional shit. But OP doesn't want to do that.

The only thing that would motivate me to go to the Saturday knees-up would be the opportunity to spike their drinks with laxative.