Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel hurt?

150 replies

Wineloffa · 06/11/2018 17:39

I found out today that I was the only person in the office (bar two temps) who wasn’t invited to a colleague’s wedding. There are 13 in the office. I found this out when someone posted a group pic of everyone at the wedding on our intranet.

I have been working in the office for three years and get on really well with everyone. I feel shocked and hurt and can’t think why I would have been excluded.

Obviously I can’t say anything because the bride is entitled to invite whoever she wants to her wedding and I wouldn’t dream of causing a fuss but I feel it’s changed things for me and things will be different in the office from now on.

I even contributed to a card and a gift and wished her well on her last day. Apparently they’ve all been chatting in a WhatsApp about the wedding for weeks. I feel so silly now..

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 06/11/2018 19:14

How do you know they all went? Was the picture of the bride and the whole team minus you? Confused

How do you know about the WhatsApp group?

How do you have all this info but haven't asked whoever provided the info if they knew why you were excluded? Or why they feel the need to mention it now?

Yep, it definately sounds dodgy to me OP. Hmm

Original poster
Wineloffa · 06/11/2018 19:14

Egg sandwich - No one has asked me why I wasn’t there which makes me think they all know I wasn’t invited. I wouldn’t ask outright, it’s not really my style.

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 06/11/2018 19:15

Oh right, I see it was a group pic of the wedding party.

Other questions still stand though.

Who told you about the whatsapp group?

If they were all in a group, how did they approach the whole card and present issue with you?

Original poster
Wineloffa · 06/11/2018 19:16

The WhatsApp group has been mentioned in passing in the office which is why I know about it. Yes the pic was of the bride and my colleagues.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wineloffa · 06/11/2018 19:17

Someone sent an email round asking for a contribution for a card and present and I gave money and signed the card.

OP posts:
stressedtiredbuthappy · 06/11/2018 19:31

Oh op,so nasty are your colleagues! The day will come soon when they want/need you to help them out regarding days off etc?? And you know exactly what to say???? Don't you??? Xx

mcmooberry · 06/11/2018 19:32

To the OP I totally sympathise with you, what a horrible shock for you to find out like that and what an awful thing of the bride to do and for the person who put the pic up to do too. I also wouldn't ask her why, if she is capable of leaving you out like that, she isn't worth the consideration of her motives. I promise you will feel much better in a few days and much better still in a week when you will have a sense of perspective about it. Shame on them all. xx

Gabilan · 06/11/2018 19:41

Personally I would approach your manager OP, maybe in a few days when things are a bit less raw. it could become a wider issue and I'd want this flagged up in some way now. She can invite who she likes to her wedding but there's something odd going on here in the way the others are closing ranks.

Original poster
Wineloffa · 06/11/2018 19:41

Thanks mcmooberry I’m sure I’ll feel better eventually which is why I’m not going on Saturday. It’s too raw and I’d feel too uncomfortable. I’ll style it out until it blows over but I’ll always remember this..

OP posts:
LagunaBubbles · 06/11/2018 19:41

If it was me I would have to say something. Otherwise it would just fester away.

cheesefield · 06/11/2018 19:42

Has nothing ever happened that could have prompted this? It seems odd to intentionally exclude 1 person for no reason?

Have you ever had a run in with her or someone she's close to? It just seems so odd to invite all but 1 permanent staff members without reason. Surely being out of the country for the hen can't be it.

Groom isn't a high school boyfriend or something is he? I know someone who was uninvited from a colleagues wedding because she'd shagged the best man about 10 years ago!

MacosieAsunter · 06/11/2018 19:46

I think excluding someone like this counts as bullying. I would go over your boss's head with this

Awful situation but you cannot force someone to invite you to a private function. Its off site, it has nothing to do with your employer, from what you have said all correspondence was by text or WhatsApp, not conducted on work email.

Exactly what is going to your manager or over their head going to archive?

""Look here Mary, why haven't you shelled out 120 quid and invited Jane to your wedding? I'm going to have to disciplinary hearing" It's just not going to happen is it?

No one has actually been nasty to you. Nothing here would stand up in a tribunal.

However, I really do feel for you. I presume the Bride doesn't like you and ultimately, that is her prerogative.

Original poster
Wineloffa · 06/11/2018 19:48

Cheesefield - nothing that I can think of. I get on well with everyone hence the shock when I realised I’d been excluded. I definitely haven’t dated the groom!

OP posts:
Original poster
Wineloffa · 06/11/2018 19:51

Macosie I agree you can’t force someone to invite people to their wedding, it’s her choice which is why I won’t be raising this with my manager.

Maybe she just doesn’t like me. This is news to me though and a pretty shitty way to find that out.

OP posts:
DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 06/11/2018 19:52

Not unreasonable.

I had similar a few years ago, the bit that hurt the most I think is that everyone else in our team had obviously been talking about it but just not with me Sad. I also contributed to a gift and card and stuff - I actually only found out when she posted pics on Facebook.

She apologised to me after and thought I wouldn’t have been able to get childcare Confused. I think it was a brain fart on her part as we were and are friends but it did sting at the time.

CordeliaGoode · 06/11/2018 19:53

Aw, that’s horrible! I’d be gutted Sad

Original poster
Wineloffa · 06/11/2018 19:54

DianaPrincess - sounds pretty similar. It does hurt doesn’t it.

OP posts:
Craftycorvid · 06/11/2018 19:58

YA absolutely NBA, OP. Terrible etiquette: invite no one from your work team or invite everyone. Posting the picture is extremely tactless to say the least. I can’t imagine why your lack of availability for the Hen party should be an issue unless the bride is very petty or completely misunderstood you and thought you were declining the invite to both it and the wedding? Was the invite to the Hen do ambiguously worded? Sorry if this has already been covered and I’ve missed that bit. It’s very hurtful though, whatever the reason Flowers

DisappearingGirl · 06/11/2018 20:06

YANBU, that's horrible.

I tend to think in these situations that if someone acts like a mean bitch then at least some other people are going to think they are a mean bitch.

If I was one of your colleagues I probably wouldn't have said anything to you as I wouldn't have known what to say without looking like I was stirring. However I would have thought it was very mean of the bride, and I wouldn't particularly trust her in future.

Hope you feel better soon OP Flowers

Original poster
Wineloffa · 06/11/2018 20:21

Hen invite was done via email with no mention of the wedding.

The bride is apparently lovely. I doubt anyone would think she’s a bitch. I don’t even think she’s a bitch despite how upset I am over this!

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 06/11/2018 20:53

Is there anyone in your workplace that you could talk to about this, who could shed some light on things?

And re above, I know that you can't force someone to invite a person to your wedding, but when your boss realises that one person out of the team hasn't been invited and there's been a secret WhatsApp group excluding that person, I think that's cause enough to speak to the bride about it.

Original poster
Wineloffa · 06/11/2018 21:05

HollowTalk - no I don’t trust anyone right now and for fear of ending up the topic of conversation in the WhatsApp chat I won’t be approaching any of them.

OP posts:
Jlynhope · 06/11/2018 21:06

I'm so sorry. That is a terrible feeling and YANU at all. I want to give you a huge hug and glass of wine!

HollowTalk · 06/11/2018 21:07

It's such a horrible situation. I think I'd be tempted to go off sick for a few weeks and have something on the sick note to explain why.

The thing is that you seem to have decided not to do anything and I can understand why, but at the same time you want to stay in that workplace, so you need to deal with it.

Aeroflotgirl · 06/11/2018 21:08

Not so lovely , to invite everyone in the office but one person.

Swipe left for the next trending thread