Did anyone else's Mum not hug them when they were children?

[AjasLipstick]

So painful to ask this.

I know she loves me and did love me.

She had some sort of issue though. I remember one hug...one. I must have been about 8 or so and I was walking down the hallway one afternoon and she sort of stopped me halfway and hugged me awkwardly.

There weren't others. I remember longing for a hug. My Dad hugged me and my Nan did as well as one of my sisters. So I wasn';t completely neglected.

But why couldn't my Mum hug me? I don't remember her hugging my siblings either.

Now I live abroad and only speak to her every few days. I've started to tell her I love her. She's old and might not live that much longer. I feel such enormous pain though. At the child that I was...going through that. No Mum love. :(

Same here. No hugs from my parents, and they've never said they love me either. I'm 40.
I make sure my children know they are loved.

My mum never hugged any of us. She liked babies. Once each of us reached about 2 we were no longer interesting. I thought that was normal until my boy friend’s mum hugged me when I went off to University and I had to fight the instinct to fend her off.

I hug my ds every day. Even when he’s in a bad mood

Mine didn't. I have no memories of cuddling up to her watching tv or anything like that.
When she hugs me now (She appears to have gone through a personality transplant since I was a child!) its just weird. Although my dad is the the same, and they both come from very unaffectionate families, so I presume thats the reason.
My DS is hugged ALL the time. And I am hugged all the time by him and DH.

Nope, nor father. My kids definitely get hugs and cuddles as it was something I recall parents not doing and promising myself I would never do that to my kids!

Just in tears reading all these posts. I'm so sorry you were never hugged as children,  no matter what some of you say I think all children need so much physical affection. You deserved it, you all deserved love 
My own Mum wasn't really affectionate or that bothered with us either. Told me all the time that she didn't really like children.
I also make sure that my children have so many cuddles, kisses and told that I love them all the time. How much I like spending time with them.
Lovely that lots of you seem to be breaking the cycle as well.

my family are very close and i was kissed and cuddled all the time by my mum and dad and also by my extended family. my partner however was never shown any affection by his dad and his mum died when he was four so he has no memory of her. because of this he has always been very affectionate with me and our kids.

I've never been hugged, kissed or told I was loved by my parents. I'm 45. My mind was blown at 8 years old when I had a sleepover with a friend. She sat on her dad's lap for a cuddle and everyone kissed before bed. I tried to recreate it at home and it was clearly unwelcome.

I hug and kiss my children every day.

Not as I remember. She used to tell us (3 girls) that she'd wanted boys instead. Dad was the one who took us out and did nice things. She died some years ago, and if I think about her it's with pity that she couldn't appreciate her daughters and lovely husband.

Nope, well certainly not from age 5ish that's as far back as my childhood memories go.

Neither of my DP's were physically affectionate people but they both loved us in their own way.
I was really surprised when visiting family friends aged 17 and arriving late and tired after Uni interviews the dad gave me a hug and kissed the top of my head. It felt very warm and caring. I have kissed and hugged my dc a lot.

Like another poster, I can clearly remember my Mum pushing me away, she was in hospital and coming round from the anaesthetic after a fairly serious but routine op and she told me to get away and said "come here darling" to my younger brother. My Mum adored my brother, all her love went to him. My Dad whispered "she doesn't mean it, she doesn't know what she is saying."

@ginghamstarfish My mother was the same. Told me she'd wanted a boy, didn't even have a girl's name - my auntie chose my name. My dad was like yours - played with me (l was an only child), took me out and did things. l remember once when l was about 8 or 9, my dad was going to a garden centre (they were pretty thin on the ground then where l lived) and asked if l wanted to go. He was going on his (small) motorbike which l was used to, so of course l said yes. My mother's response? "Go on, then, you two bugger off and leave Cinderella here!" Besides the fact that she couldn't have gone and left me at home, that, and other things over the years led me to believe that she was jealous of my closeness to my dad.

@plaidlife - This. Totally this. When l was about 20 and going away on holiday with a friend, her parents took us to the airport, and hugged us before we boarded. l was gobsmacked. lt was so alien to me.

I am an awkward hugger, and my DD5 is too. I make the point of hugging her even though it doesn't come naturally to either of us because I don't want her to ever want her to wonder why I didn't hug her, espec3 because her younger brother is naturally so physically affectionate.

Yes, my Dad was the one who took us out and did the fun stuff as well. He'd take us swimming, or to the fair or ice skating or whatever. DM was very incomsistent and would make promises and then not keep them. I remember one time she said she'd take us to the cinema and then backtracked. Really she just didn't want to go, and as she is very self absorbed and wrapped up in her own emotions her needs came before ours.

My story is different. There was love within family when my parents were together and divorcedm. However we was never and still are not a family who is very affectionate. No kisses or hugs at all. Literally a bedtime kiss! Its quite alien to me. Although I shower my dp and DC in kisses and cuddles as much as I can lol

I remember I was at a wedding where I was sitting at a table with my cousin when my aunt (his mother) came over and just spontaneously rubbed his head affectionately. They exchanged a really loving look. I was really sad in that moment.

My sister has recently been spending a lot of time at her boyfriend's house and being around a mother who is very affectionate and engaged with her children is bring up some for her.

I'm glad to say my parents did hug me a lot as a child, and I really loved it, and they also told me they loved me. A phrase of my dad's was "I love you and keep you". They still do hug me when I see them now.

One thing which may be generational is that children were often "forced" to hug or kiss. There was a time when children would often hear "where's that kiss for Auntie Joan?" or "how dare you refuse to kiss grandad, even though you don't like his beard". I'm not sure if things like that are still said now.

Not related to that, in spite of childhood hugs, I do remember suddenly being awkward about any kind of physical contact with anybody as a teenager. I even asked my grandmother (as tactfully as I possibly could) not to hug and kiss me on her doorstep when I went to see her, because I didn't want to be seen doing it by anyone from school - I insisted on going into her house first. During that period I didn't like being hugged by anyone, and I suppose I made it clear with my body language.

Then quite suddenly at the age of 16, someone from school hugged me when saying goodbye; which came as a complete surprise, and I changed my mind completely, and couldn't get enough hugs. But I was very confused by the unwritten rules about when hugging was acceptable.

Now I really appreciate giving and receiving hugs, and the oxytocin.

I can relate to all of this. Neither of my parents hugged or told me they loved me either. (I’m 45 btw) It had a profound affect on me, I grew up feeling totally unloved. And because they never said it I didn’t either, so I found it hard saying it (to a boyfriend) for the first time. And still do.

I now have loads of younger cousins and whilst they can all hug and kiss each other and my aunts/grandparents I can’t bring myself to do it. I was determined that when I had children I would be the complete opposite and I am! They are always telling me they love me (pre-teens!) and sometimes I feel overwhelmed and unable to say it back - I just don’t need to hear it. My DH used to get upset that I didn’t tell him often enough but it’s not something that comes naturally to me. I do resent my mother for this (not my dad funnily enough), her parents were the same with her so can see why she was like this but it still hurts.

I dont remember my DM hugging me much as a child. She probably did when I was a baby/toddler but I don't remember that. I always justified it in my mind that she had 6 of us and was a very busy person. DF worked long hours so didnt see him much but he did show more affection than DM.

Now when I see DM after a few weeks we hug. Infact we hug a lot more since I moved away.

I spoke to my eldest DSis (the fb) about this. She said DM was never affectionate even when DSis was the only child. Our DGM died when DM was very young and DGF was a WW2 veteran and very emotionally distant. So DM didn't have much love growing up.

I try and hug my DC a lot, DS2 is VERY huggy and needs physical touch a lot. If I am busy he will either hover around waiting for me to finish so we can cuddle or cling to my legs. What makes me sad though is that Dsis does not hug or kiss her DC after the toddler age. She said she just can't bring herself to :( they are happy muxh loved teens now but its really sad.

Same here.

My mum (who raised us single handedly) was never a hugger and never told me or my sister that she loved us. We just knew she did. It was like she didn't need to say it. Though now I find it a bit odd as I'm always telling my DC I love them and hug them loads.
People I tell also find it weird and it has been picked up in counselling before.
Even now she doesn't hug, she kind of shoulder holds and air kisses when we say hello/goodbye

I am 39 and she is 69 if that helps!

I'm 42 and my mother very rarely hugged me. I can't actually remember her doing so at all tbh. She claims that I was a 'cold fish' and who didn't like being hugged, so that's why she didn't show much physical affection. That doesn't explain why she was the same with my siblings and everyone else too though! She loves me, and she did tell me she loved me on occasion. But it was always strained and still is.

My ex girlfriend's mum. She's a nice lady and certainly loved the hell out of her daughters. My ex went through a very serious (borderline suicidal) depression before we met and her mum would finish work, drive a long distance and sit with her every evening while she recovered - and she'd bring warm soup which was all my ex could face eating at the time. She demonstrated love through actions, I guess. She was very, very welcoming to me as well - just a lovely person at heart.

But she sucked at hugs. Didn't when the girls were kids and sort of awkwardly learned it later. I'd hug her - but it was that kind of weird 'air-hug.'

It definitely left a lingering sadness in my ex though - a lovely, sensitive woman. She had various issues (which she has largely fought and beaten - she's strong) and I think it may have contributed.

My mum very rarely hugs me - she says it makes her feel smothered and she doesn’t like my perfume. She hugged me a bit more as a child but not much. Neither of my parents ever say they love me but I do feel very loved.

I don't get it though, I love hugging my own kids and probably drive them mad being affectionate! So I'm clearly not that much of a cold fish...