Did anyone else's Mum not hug them when they were children?

[AjasLipstick]

So painful to ask this.

I know she loves me and did love me.

She had some sort of issue though. I remember one hug...one. I must have been about 8 or so and I was walking down the hallway one afternoon and she sort of stopped me halfway and hugged me awkwardly.

There weren't others. I remember longing for a hug. My Dad hugged me and my Nan did as well as one of my sisters. So I wasn';t completely neglected.

But why couldn't my Mum hug me? I don't remember her hugging my siblings either.

Now I live abroad and only speak to her every few days. I've started to tell her I love her. She's old and might not live that much longer. I feel such enormous pain though. At the child that I was...going through that. No Mum love. :(

My mum never hugged me as a child, I remember there being a sense of awkwardness surrounding her showing hands on affection toward me.

Grandparents weren't cuddly either from what I can recall.

As an adult she will give a half hearted hug on occasion, but again very awkwardly.

No idea why, haven't really thought about it until I read this post.

Hocus Do you mind me asking how old you are? I wonder if it's generational? I'm 45.

I never remember my mother hugging me as a child but I assume she must have when I was little. Certainly not in living memory for me.

As far as I could see, she was always busy running the house, and as I grew older I realised that she'd had an insufferably abusive relationship at the hands of her father as a child. Her mother was also abused and there were 9 siblings so it must have affected her.

She's incredibly physically demonstrative with my own children; they have constant cuddles, so it's weird!

She does show me she loves me in other ways she cares, so the hugging bit has never been a major issue. But I wonder if you've had other examples of her love, just not the physical element?

I wonder if part of the issue was different love languages? www.imom.com/love-language-the-5-love-languages-of-children/

My parents weren't 'huggy', which I found very frustrating. My DD at age 3 is the cuddliest child ever, she will sit in my lap and have her hand in my hair, with her head on my shoulder. I'm pretty certain that touch is her love language, so we have lots of cuddles in my house. Whatever my Mum's language was, it wasn't the same as mine.

My mum never showed any afffection she certainly didn t hug me

No never. I am 44. We hug now but it is not comfortable at all. I did ask her why once and she did not have an answer really. I am a huggy person and I love touch. I often get a massage as touch is important to me.

Mine didn't either. Hugged my brother loads but not me. I even remember her pushing me away when I was little, about 5 or 6 I was, when I went for a hug at my aunts, and then she sat with my little brother on her knee and hugged and kissed him. He was about 4 then.
Mum always had time for my bro but not me.

Feet she showed she loved me by doing things like buying me a lovely cake at lunchtime as a surprise or by buying me something lovely to wear. Having a laugh.

I think I'm just feeling a bit sad tonight. I miss her.

My dad wasn't physically demonstrative when I was young, he'd cuddle me if I was ill or upset but but not just day to day, he would pick me up, put me on his shoulders mess about playing with me and my brother though, always trying to make us laugh which I think was his way of showing affection. His parents were strict Catholic, very unemotional and he's one of nine, I remember going to hug my gran and her not knowing how to react and then when I hugged her feeling like I might break her, she was small and bird like despite birthing eight boys and a girl! So I think sometimes it's learned, my dad used to pat me on the head or shoulder sometimes, now he hugs me everytime I see him. I got to young adulthood and just thought sod it if I want a hug I'll hug him, it was a bit awkward at first but now completely normal, he also hugs my brother and my niece too now. It was just about breaking down a barrier.

I don't recall my Mom hugging me as a child (or my siblings), although my Dad was cuddly enough for both of them, so don't feel as if I was neglected at all.

She cuddled me on my wedding day 8 years ago, and it was so awkward. She loves me, I know she does, but she's just not affectionate. I've never seen her cuddle my Dad, or even hold his hand.

Although she is very loving towards my daughters

Don't fret OP because you know she loves/ loved you Some people just aren't 'huggers'.

My DH and I were never hugged by our mums as kids either, though we were very loved, just like you. DH wouldn't hug me when we first met as it felt alien to him. We're in our 30's now with a DS of our own. We hug him lots and have encouraged him to hug other family members to show his affection if he wishes Maybe it is a generation thing?

None of my parents hugged me or told me they loved me as a child (in fact, I'm still waiting!)

My mum would complain that her Mum only ever hugged her once and it was when she was in her 20's.

I'm not a touchy feely person except with my DH. I have friends who are extremely demonstrative and who know that I'm not a toucher.

I plan to be very demonstrative with my child/ren when they arrive and as they grow up. I want my kids to have the self confidence to not feel awkward about it like I do.

Conversely I've always refused hugs, I find them really invasive and uncomfortable. Anyway my mum always thought that she'd done something wrong as a parent and felt upset that I refused any hugs.

My mother has never hugged me either (am 46) neither did my dad or siblings. I went for years in my childhood with no physical affection. Years of not being touched by another human. It made me very sad. I hug my kids loads now and it's wonderful.

No, and not my father either. I am very huggy with DS though, and he is very huggy with me (and the dog).

My parents never hugged me and never told me they loved me.

My mum hugged me when I left home to go to university.

I remember this, because it is the one and only time I remember her hugging me.

I raised it with her as an adult and she said that she thought hugging was overrated and everyone was just hugging random strangers they just met these days anyway so it wasn't as if it meant anything. This didn't really help.

For me the physical distance was also duplicated in emotional distance. I have no doubt my mum love me, but she didn't show it.

We always had hugs kisses and plenty of affection in our house I don't think it could be catergorised as a specific generational thing its probably the way she was brought up, but children need affection to thrive emotionally so perhaps this is a circle you can break.

My mum didn't either but we are extremely close & I know she loves me deeply.

On the other hand, I know plenty of people who hug me when they see me, that I don't give 2 hoots about me! 😆

I thinks its a generational thing. Im older than you and my dm rarely hugged me until l was leaving home to go to college. She cried every time l left although l was bouncing out the door. But she was a complete hands on dm who literally laid down her life for us so l don't mind. She always listened to our stories from school and was interested in every aspect of our lives. She was definitely never hugged growing up.
My df was far more tactile and affectionate in that way but so were his family.
As she aged l had to care for her and l started hugging her as l put her to bed..like my own dc and telling her how much l loved her. I felt it was the first time in her life she was really getting that. There was great healing there for me. That generation suffered a lot .

Neither of my parents ever hugged me. They both had difficult childhoods - Mum was brought up by a single mother who was very self-indulgent and never showed any affection. Dad was an orphan and was brought up by an aunt who was apparently resentful to be stuck with this child to bring up. So I'm just glad that they found each other and were obviously happy .

The fact that we kids didn't get any hugs or kisses is not a big thing to me - my parents played the best hand that they could, with the cards that life had dealt them.

When I got to adulthood and I realised what they were like, I broke that barrier to some extent. When it was appropriate I'd give them a little hug ( ie arm around their shoulder, nothing too much ) and they would smile as if they appreciated it.

They are both gone now - I miss them .

My mother never did. My father did a lot.

She explained it herself to me. She came from a horrifically abusive background. Literally abandoned with strangers in another country at the age of 6 and left to fend for herself. She had to work on farms and do a lot of manual labour. Her education suffered until her father brought her back to England when she was almost a teenager. She then learned some English. Her mother was physically abused and had 7 children (hence my mother taken to live in a third world country to act as slave labour). She said she was never given love so didn't know how to show it.

She was married at 17 (arranged) to my father who has since died and was an alcoholic.

She is very loving to my kids. My heart breaks everytime I think of her life.

I'm 42 and my mother wasn't a hugger. She didn't kiss me or tell me she loved me very often. Like many she had a horribly abusive childhood herself which I think made it difficult to express love for fear of rejection. I'm a very tactile person and am always hugging my kids and the lack of physical affection I got from my mother has undoubtedly influenced our difficult relationship now.

My mum hugs me. My dad never has. I don't know why because I've seen pictures of him holding other children lovingly. I have no explanation but it did effect me.

The only time I can remember being hugged as both a child and an adult is when I told her I was pregnant with DC1 aged 26. We just aren't a very huggy family and that's ok! I have no doubt that she loves me very much as she shows it in numerous other ways. I am different with my own DC though, but they and DH are the only people I like being touched by now.