Does anyone else cringe when people talk about having their own little family now

[StephfromMarketing]

Which is far more important than the family they or their DH have had since birth.

It's such a mean spirited little phrase "don't bother about them, you've got your own little family now"

It comes up over and over again on MN over Christmas "we want to start our own traditions with our own little family."

Fortunately, I never hear it in real life.

Interesting thread. I don't have time to read it all just now so saving it for later

Oh Leigh, that's awful, it doesn't get much more thoughtless than that.

Is it the phrase that bothers you? Or the idea of detaching from parents and creating a new life revolving around a partner and kids?

It irks me when I see stupid social media posts all about #blessed #mytrueself etc. Bollocks.

But I also feel the need to draw boundaries with my ILs. If I didn’t, they’d feel like they are entitled to all the time, all festivals, all events, to the complete exclusion of my family. So I need firm boundaries in order to have some equitableness in the relationship.

It's a phrase that seems to be used to draw barriers and boxes around different parts of the family, and I don't like that.
Nothing wrong with wanting to carve out time for just you and your DP and children, and having certain traditions that you do together.
But using the term 'my own little family' is exclusive and hurtful and can be very undermining to other members of the extended family.

what is the actual issue here OP? apart from seething envy?

The issue has been explained by several wise posters. I don't get these accusations of "seething envy". I have nothing to be envious about.

@justfloatingpast - thank you.

Leigh

Sorry - it's Steph here aka OP. Didn't like my name change so back to Tristan.

It's not a phrase I've ever used or given much thought to. But I am actually from a "little family" who had very little contact with extended family. I am close to my family and see them as part of my current family not separate to.

But, my dh has used the "little family" phrase. He comes from a very big family isn't close to them and has always felt a bit of the odd one out.

So i would assume that people that put so much emphasis on their new family are people that feel a need to create a new family unit of their own or distance themselves from their birth family.

So on that basis I wouldn't judge people that feel having their own "little family" is important, because their need for that may come from a place of sadness.

Why on earth would it be envy? What a bizarre thing to say!

What exactly is the OP supposed to be envious of?

Fucks me right off. It's the tweeness of it, like they're suddenly The Walton's because they've had a baby.

It feels like there is a lot of over analysing going on. It’s only natural that as children grow up and have their own children, they start to prioritise their family unit. Thinking about Christmas it is nice to pick and choose the traditions that you want to take forward and ditch the ones that you don’t love as much. My parents and in-laws has 30 odd years of doing it their way. I’d never exclude anyone or leave close relatives on their own but I shouldn’t have to be wedded to a specific format or way of doing things.

Not sure how that's relevant to the thread topic.

I also hate "family unit". Just reminds me of a filing cabinet.