Does anyone else cringe when people talk about having their own little family now

[StephfromMarketing]

Which is far more important than the family they or their DH have had since birth.

It's such a mean spirited little phrase "don't bother about them, you've got your own little family now"

It comes up over and over again on MN over Christmas "we want to start our own traditions with our own little family."

Fortunately, I never hear it in real life.

It takes a certain type of cuntish wanker to exclude step children.

Anyone who uses the term our little family to exclude their partners children is a gobshite of the highest order.

Not a phrase I use but I can’t get worked up about it.

Also I agree it’s impossible for a woman to steal a grown man from his parents/siblings. The notion you are searching for there is the man is too lazy to organise family contact himself.

I do the leg work with PIL but I refuse to at Christmas. It has painful memories for me and I prefer to be in my own home with my children. Ive told DH I’m more than happy for him to organise stuff which I can either facilitate or go along to, but I’m not doing the organising.

So we never go to them for Christmas. He just isn’t bothered about seeing them.

@continually I'm sure I would be, but it would have taken a lot longer. And I'm just so excited to be here. I was told I couldn't have kids at 18, was sure I was too ill to ever have a partner, yet here they are.

I'd be fine without them but not having them would mean not having the impetus to move out from under my grandfather's thumb, or my father's heel. And the fact is I love that I have them. I don't feel superior, I feel thrilled that holidays are fun now, that I have a daughter I never thought I could.

That's lovely, Rixera. I also have a great husband and we have a wonderful daughter - I just don't need to call them "my own little family"

Agree with others - couples without DC are a family.

And that’s up to you. Why are you policing the language others choose to use about their own situation?

Well it's little because it's just me,OH and DD..and the cat,hamsters and fish. Ok..maybe not so little.

Yes it does grate. It feels a touch smug and excluding ...along with its twin 'we're having family time'.

I've previously felt quite guilty for having these thoughts so glad I'm not entirely alone!

Eh context is key here, using the phrase to exclude step kids or blameless in laws is a bit shit. Someone using it to describe how happy they are to have established a happy family unit/escape abusive backgrounds not so much.

Feels like people are looking to feel superior, I.e. I’m far too self aware, sophisticated etc etc to use such a phrase and the Poster earlier on who linked usage to being poor

YABU

how would you ever move on and grow up without sayings like this and how else would you phrase it.

My ds1 and his fiance have just had a baby. I am now extended family as they have a little family of their own.
I'm sure they don't love us or her parents any less, but they have their own family now.

Smug are the people who pity us and are all wide eyed faux innocence about the fact that we don't really have extended family (some don't care,some dead,some kept at a distance) . "We've got our own family(little or not)" seems to shut them up...sometimes.

Gosh, what's wrong with family time too.
I think it's sad that family time isn't considered important anymore,

I don't use the phrases little family or family time etc. The sentiment is there though, the family I have made with my oh is above all else in terms of my priorities.

I'm close to my really big extended family and see them a lot. I get on well with my in laws but they aren't my family. I adore our siblings dc both sides though.

Yes OP and glad it’s not just me!

Would it be different if you amended the adjective?

It's a bit weird to get so het up over an innocent adjective tbh.

What about people whose parents have died? or who have no siblings ? or who feel anchored by their own little - or large - family? what is the actual issue here OP? apart from seething envy?

I agree, I only hear it on MN and I hate it. Smug, twee, nauseating.

I use that phrase and always taken it to have a two fold meaning of 1. Little referring to the children and 2. Little because I've a much bigger family outside of this particular group of my family I live with 🙈

Certainly never realised it could cause my MIL offense! Our family are all really close and I do actually like spending time with the PIL (despite their occasional rants about how we shouldn't have any more kids etc)

I an perfectly prespared to accept that it has a different meaning off-Mumsnet. But I have never seen it used on here except in an exclusionary way. And almost always in a way that suggests a man should detach himself from his family of origin.

Agree completely. It's the 'little' that does it. So twee and cringy. Almost as bad as 'my little man' and 'my little princess'.

OP you don't sound like a nasty bitch. Ignore that poster.

Kids leave home. Kids emigrate. The "little family" is only temporary, after all. Don't sweat it, OP.

Aaaagh!! Someone in here has just said they won't be going to the Christmas party because "me and the snuggle wuggles will be decorating the tree and having lovely hot choccie that night".

I'm presuming the 'snuggle wuggles' are her 8 year old twins.

It makes me wonder what these people will do when "my little family" gaily leaves home without a backward glance. I suspect they might be the nightmare Mils from hell of the future.

I do think you can be your own 'little family' every day. But not at the cost of your parent eating Christmas dinner for one! Can I blame Instagram and Facebook? I feel like families are seeing these matching PJ's and picture perfect family of 4 photos and wanting to recreate that ahead of thinking how their families feel? Not including nasty or abusive families who obviously don't deserve to be put first!

My siblings, who are usually lovely people, have been known to use that phrase to me. I'm widowed and childless and so feel shit most of the time anyway, but particularly when I'm being excluded for not having my own little family.