Does anyone else cringe when people talk about having their own little family now

[StephfromMarketing]

Which is far more important than the family they or their DH have had since birth.

It's such a mean spirited little phrase "don't bother about them, you've got your own little family now"

It comes up over and over again on MN over Christmas "we want to start our own traditions with our own little family."

Fortunately, I never hear it in real life.

I've not heard it said but if I did I probably wouldn't think anything of it.

It’s never bothered me at all or occurred to me to find it cringeworthy. I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone say it IRL.

There are far, far worse things for people to worry about in life than the use of the word "little" when people are happily describing their excitement for creating their own future traditions.

Agree that “little family” is twee and strongly dislike it. Also usually unnecessary to explicitly state to friends/family/ acquaintances that you are prioritising your nuclear family over others.

It’s not necessarily wrong to sometimes prioritise the “nuclear” over extended family though. As well as the obvious Stately Homes or lesser dysfunctional families reasons there are things like money, distance from family, limited annual leave/ holiday childcare, health (family member unwell or disabled, and can’t travel, others caring for them), housing, energy levels! Relationship issues.

DH and I don’t live near any family. We split our annual leave to cover school holidays so usually visit our respective families separately (most live too far away to visit just for a weekend). We get very few weekdays off together, spent as a “nuclear” family, in a year. In 2017 this was only around 5 days. This year, we have increased this to around 10, which meant seeing less of the extended family.

Yes...and frankly it gives me the boke. It’s always pedalled out by controlling bloody women who are seeking to isolate men from their family and friends because they intrinsically believe that one he is married or a father, everyone else must cease to feature at all.
Fuck. Off.

I've found my tribe! It's a loathesome phrase and a loathesome concept. The "little" makes it particularly abhorrent.

"definitely don't like the phrase ...it always seems an excuse for excluding others without coming out and saying it honestly."

Completely agree with the PP who said this.

I've only ever heard it on MN. It's a phrase I tend to associate with women of a lower socio economic background. The matriarchal equivalent of a dog marking its territory. Makes me think of a real battleaxe-type woman.

I can understand if there is a bad relationship but so often instead of compromise its my way or no way, especially around Christmas. Extended family can be a good thing. I always wonder how people who say about their little family will feel when they are the gp left alone as the dc now has their own little family.

posts saying that women seek to tear their men away from their families seem sexist.

the men are adults, so are responsible for their own decisions with respect to their family.

Things can change, you can be with your own little family one minute and next minute on your own totally, I had a friend and she was just interested in herself, her husband and kids and that was it, nobody else featured at all. Unless she wanted money or favours.
Anyway this fairy tale all came crashing down when her husband ran off with someone after 20 something years and the kids left home. My friend then had no little family for help.

I've said it, usually as a means of justifying a decision that isn't popular with the extended family. I love my family (immediate and extended) and do loads for and with all of them - I have a very strong sense of family, in all its forms. We have a strong and close extended family. But the flip side is that it can easily become claustrophobic if you don't sometimes lay boundaries. Sometimes I do need to prioritise my needs, dh and dc's needs (my own family) above anyone else's. I wouldn't say this to my parents, but I don't have to bow to their every whim and desire purely because they're my, abeit wonderful, family.

At best it's twee and smug, at worst used to exclude other people while pretending you're just being twee and smug.

#1 The entire point is that other people in the extended family ARE being excluded.

#2 And the only reason the person feels the urge to say it, is because the extended family is TOO invasive.

#3 And the reason the "twee and smug" saying hurts, is because extended family knows #1 and #2 are TRUE.

I have my own traditions for my own little family, and you are all excluded. oh well.

There are far, far worse things for people to worry about in life than the use of the word "little" when people are happily describing their excitement for creating their own future traditions

Why don't you go and start you're own little thread about Far, Far Worse Things for People to Worry about in Life then. We're discussing this particular annoyance.

And give yourself a serious talking to for actually typing "excitement for creating their own future traditions"

Shudder and cringe

Is this really such a big deal though?!?!

In other words, anybody who is hurt by a family member saying that, is because they're hurt at being excluded. Well gosh, other people do have the right to set their own boundaries!

Yes. It’s usually on a thread where the OP is not wanting to see her in-laws.

That's another thing - the trivia that people get excited about. There's apparently a lot of misunderstanding about what excitement actually is. Or a lot of very easily excited people.

So you chose to just have one. We didn't, and there's a lot of heartache attached to that.

And again, you and your DH had the same traditions as children. Me and DH didn't. So, time for something new, even if it's just a mash up of what we did.

Personally I hate it, and I hate the idea that childless couples are not family.

It is almost an offence to set your own boundaries. #2 of ohello loist describes my family.. DP family are over 100 miles away so it is definitely mine we would like to hide on.
Though we won't we will be at Christmas dinner with all [santa]

Could be worse. They could say "Our own ickle family. Arghhh!!

My Mum says "well she's got herself a little job" which makes me want to punch something. Women's jobs are always "little jobs" men's are just "jobs" 

Can't see the problem myself, adding the word 'little' sounds a bit cringe though.

Once you've had children you do have your own family, that doesn't take away from the family you've already got, be that siblings, parents, but you have a new family and the children usually need to come first.

What's wrong with wanting to start your own traditions? I'm in my thirties I'm hardly going to do the same things I did as a child.

I have fond memories of Christmas etc and now I'm doing the same for my children.

Once my children are adults with their own partners, children, jobs, houses, lives, I fully expect them to do as they please.

Sorry I am that person but I do just love having my own family unit. My family/childhood life wasn't very pleasant so I really enjoy the mundane day to day stuff with my family now. I really appreciate it because I never had safety and security before.

Before anyone jumps down my throat it isn't only those with children that are families.

Childless people may still want to spend Christmas, birthdays or whatever doing their own thing.