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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does anyone else cringe when people talk about having their own little family now

138 replies

StephfromMarketing · 05/11/2018 15:40

Which is far more important than the family they or their DH have had since birth.

It's such a mean spirited little phrase "don't bother about them, you've got your own little family now"

It comes up over and over again on MN over Christmas "we want to start our own traditions with our own little family."

Fortunately, I never hear it in real life.

OP posts:
butterflysugarbaby · 05/11/2018 16:31

I really can't get worked up about it tbh, and wonder why it bothers people so much. Confused

I agree with a pp, I am wondering if it's hit a raw nerve? Jealous? Bitter?

And I have heard people say it irl.

People are only saying it because they are looking forward to creating their own family unit. I feel sad for you that it bothers you so much. Sad

Tomatoesrock · 05/11/2018 16:32

Hmm I am on the fence. I do not say it, but I get it. My family sisters brother and parents mean the world to me DBro is a bit of a dick but ok My DC do mean more to me. I wanted to spend Christmas day at home so the DC can enjoy their presents, instead of rushing about but it is like a mortal sin to even suggest it. If we are going to a show it is a group.
Between looking after unhealthy parents, helping siblings with childcare, talking to them on the phone at least 3 times a day, the extended family can be a pain. I guess I am lucky but sometimes I would like time with my own made family.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 05/11/2018 16:33

I hate it too, it's a nauseating phrase and so utterly smug.

TheOrigRightsofwomen · 05/11/2018 16:34

Sad I used it only yesterday in the thread about the 13 and 3 year old girls sharing a room.

I've fought hard for it to be me and my two boys (well, mostly one as the big one is a uni), without my abusive ex.

I am not cutesy at all.

I have a very good relationship with both mine and ex's family, but my priority is me and my 2 boys in our home.

BobLemon · 05/11/2018 16:36

Oh hello! I thought this was just me. Thank you to some of the PPs who have elegantly articulated why my insides and teeth clench when I hear this.

Original poster
StephfromMarketing · 05/11/2018 16:37

and my family is little as we have only been able to have 1 DC

I've got 1 DD (by choice) but I'd never refer to us as a "little family". It's a cringey and unnecessary phrase.

I'm not sure what people mean by "starting our own traditions for our own little family" As a boy DH put a drink and mince pie out for Father Christmas and a carrot for Rudolph, as a girl I did the same, nowadays our DD does exactly the same. What are these whimsical new traditions? Please don't say Elf on the effing Shelf!

OP posts:
SkinnywannabeKBH · 05/11/2018 16:38

My sister-in-law does this. She met a guy who already had a daughter. So all was good. They played happy families in the beginning and then they had their own kids between them. Stepdaughter is pretty much non existent most of the time. You get family holiday cards from the family.....of 4 not 5 as it should be. They portray this picture perfect family all over social media, little do they know that the stepdaughter is also broadcasting her heartbreak on social media only they aren't on this certain page. It's heart breaking to watch. They just live in their wee bubble.of 4. The stepdaughter is a lovely girl and loves hanging out and looking after her younger siblings.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 05/11/2018 16:40

I will admit I've said.

I usually use to drive home the point to my MIL that yes, although we are one family together, there are things we like to do just DH, DD and I and it seems to be one of the few phrases she understands.

I don't think there is any harm in it as long as you do still enjoy times and celebrations with the rest of the family.

Quipsandquotes · 05/11/2018 16:41

"I agree with a pp, I am wondering if it's hit a raw nerve? Jealous? Bitter?"

What a nasty post.

A580Hojas · 05/11/2018 16:41

I don't cringe by I do roll my eyes at all the twee stuff

own little family
making memories
creating traditions (this is the worst one)
forever home

Makes whoever's saying them sound like an airhead.

Tomatoesrock · 05/11/2018 16:44

We have definitely started our own little traditions. My DM was always depressed at Christmas, she hated it, sat crying for 3 weeks before it and after. She still does.
We make a Christmas bobble every year, paint a Santa, write in a memory book, it is always great when we get the stuff down to see the previous years of decorations.
It probably is an annoying phrase though I think it is used to say, this is it my family. I am in control, no more sad crap at Christmas for me.

picklemepumpkin · 05/11/2018 16:47

My birth family are not great. I'd love to have more to do with them at Christmas, but sadly they are a bit dysfunctional. I am very proud of having built a different kind of family with my sons. My "little" family is much healthier than my extended family.

Sallygoroundthemoon · 05/11/2018 16:48

I hate it. I don't have my own 'little family' so it's crap to be excluded much of the time. I feel like a spare part, especially at Christmas, when most people my age are prioritising their 'little family' and not bothering about anyone else.

riotlady · 05/11/2018 16:48

I think I’ve definitely used this phrase at some point- my partner and I don’t come from hugely stable backgrounds and it does mean a lot to us to have our own stable nuclear family (I won’t call it little, even though it’s just the three of us, because apparantly that’s really annoying!)

Quipsandquotes · 05/11/2018 16:49

"I usually use to drive home the point to my MIL that yes, although we are one family together, there are things we like to do just DH, DD and I and it seems to be one of the few phrases she understands."

Is that not a rather hurtful phrase to use though?

Original poster
StephfromMarketing · 05/11/2018 16:49

I feel sad for you that it bothers you so much

Oh get off with your sad face Grin It's not hit a nerve. It's a twee phrase with some mean spirited implications and we're discussing it on a parenting forum not debating it in the House of Commons.

OP posts:
HannahHut · 05/11/2018 16:50

I've seen it a lot with people refering to a baby with a partner to exclude step kids. I.e "I have my own little family now" excluding the kids from a previous relationship. Very wrong in my eyes but that's how people think.

justfloatingpast · 05/11/2018 16:52

At best it's twee and smug, at worst used to exclude other people while pretending you're just being twee and smug.

stickytoffeepuddingandicecream · 05/11/2018 16:52

Our own "little family" might be annoying, I just think it as someone who has just had their first child and are just starting out life as a family unit. It isn't that weird.

As someone who had my first child a couple of years ago and experienced world war 3 because we wanted to actually spend Christmas in our own home and not at my in laws passing around our first born around like a rag doll I can totally see where a lot of people are coming from on mumsnet.

mostdays · 05/11/2018 16:53

Not really. I don't think I've ever said it but hearing it doesn't bother me.

ButchyRestingFace · 05/11/2018 16:54

It's such a mean spirited little phrase "don't bother about them, you've got your own little family now"

It's twee AF, I agree, but I've only ever seen it used to comfort people who are having a terrible time with either their biological family or ILs.

shiningstar2 · 05/11/2018 16:55

Definitely don't like the phrase ...it always seems an excuse for excluding others without coming out and saying it honestly. Fine to have some new traditions while incorporating some of the old ones. If parents or in laws drive you mad for whatever reason ...fine don't spend special occasions with them. Can't see what that has to do with being a neat little group of 4. Probably that's what the parents or in laws were at one time and spent 20 odd years as invested in their kids as the next generation. ok its often not the same spending Christmas ext with the inlaws ...family dynamics can be a pain but unless they are really toxic a little give and take smooths things over. I do think the paternal parents/grandparents often miss out. No axe to grind here. My one adult child is a daughter.

eightoclock · 05/11/2018 16:55

I agree OP it is cringey.

Do people realise they will be the ones out in the cold when their children have their 'own little family'?

I've also heard it in the sense of someone with stepchildren, who meant their 'own little family' to exclude the stepchild. Very mean.

There are ways to portray the idea that you would rather spend Xmas without your overbearing mother in law, or can't be bothered to travel, or don't like your sister's husband etc, without resorting to that awful phrase!

SpitefulMidLifeAnimal · 05/11/2018 16:56

Sorry, but when I hear my own little family or family time, I automatically hear Peggy Mitchell banging on about "faaamily". Also, it implies that a couple with no children are not a family.

justfloatingpast · 05/11/2018 16:57

I am wondering if it's hit a raw nerve? Jealous?Bitter?

Has anyone got a saucer of milk for butterflysugarbaby

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