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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To shower while baby sleeps in bedroom

231 replies

JodieWhittakersBraces · 05/11/2018 07:03

We've had our first baby and my DH is back to work today after paternity leave. This may seem like a stupid question but we seem to disagree about whether I can take a shower while the baby sleeps in the bedroom without my having a baby monitor to take into the bathroom. I think I should be ok if the baby's upstairs, I'm in and out asap - potentially leaving the bedroom and bathroom doors open. He reckons I need to take a baby monitor into the bathroom (which we haven't yet purchased).

Please be gentle, Mumsnet, we are first time parents Smile

OP posts:
merrymouse · 05/11/2018 08:25

Absolutely fine.

However I also found that my children really liked being in the bathroom awake in a baby chair - noise of water running, movement of shadows, light reflections from water, so having a bath or shower was a good thing to do to fill the time when they weren't sleeping.

InfiniteVariety · 05/11/2018 08:26

That's ridiculous - of course you can have a shower. How does your DH think people managed in the days before baby monitors existed?!

Birdie69 · 05/11/2018 08:30

I never had a monitor for mine. Your baby will be fine - even if he wakes up he is safe in his bed and nothing can happen. As time goes on you'll feel more comfortable - it's all a learning curve.

WipsGlitter · 05/11/2018 08:34

People managed before monitors!

Bluebelltulip · 05/11/2018 08:34

Leaving the baby in your room while you shower is fine, I wouldn't take a monitor with me. I expect your DH is just worried about being away from baby after both of you being at home, I doubt it's anything to do with what he thinks of your ability.

chocatoo · 05/11/2018 08:38

Baby will be fine - go for your shower. A sleeping baby doesn't need to be watched!

tillytrotter21 · 05/11/2018 08:42

Take a shower. You don’t need to be one of those parents that can’t go to the toilet for fear of leaving the baby unattended, that way lies madness.

So glad to see some common sense, I wonder sometimes that my two survived at all! When did this obsession with never letting a baby out of sight start? Lots of mothers on this site talk about anxiety and stress, how much is induced by trying to be perfect, carrying the baby around all day then wondering why s/he won't sleep for example? Of course if it's used to being held all day it won't sleep alone! Have some confidence, women have been having babies successfully for a long time, go with your instinct, not this week's fashionable 'advice'.

Worriedmummybekind · 05/11/2018 08:44

Shower without a monitor. Leave baby somewhere safe- perfectly fine. Taking a monitor in will definitely kill it off from the steam!! I had postnatal anxiety and freaked out when my first was born (so maybe your husband is anxious?) but life was happier and easier with my second who I didn’t worry about leaving safely on a mat to pop to the loo or asleep in his bed to have a shower.

BrokenWing · 05/11/2018 08:44

ds had a bright/white mobile above his cot that when switched on used to transfix him for a good 10-15 mins giving me plenty of time for a quick shower.

It when they become mobile, sitting up and pulling up in the cot that showers become harder!

DevonCherry · 05/11/2018 08:45

What?! It won't kill the baby to be safely in it's cot in the other room for five minutes... even if it does cry! You need to look after yourself too, or you'll go mad.
Or if you're really worried, why not bring the Moses basket into the bathroom doorway?
Once baby gets a slightly older I would highly recommend buying a bouncy chair - something like this one.... then baby can sit and watch you as you shower or do other essential household tasks.

To shower while baby sleeps in bedroom
diddl · 05/11/2018 08:46

I wouldn't take a newborn or a monitor into a steamy bathroom.

Much better that they stay sleeping (or not) where they are!

Your husband is being ridiculous to even think of this imo.

Original poster
JodieWhittakersBraces · 05/11/2018 08:56

Thanks for all your advice! DS is having his morning feed & back to sleep hopefully so I look forward to popping him back in the moses basket and showering. Albeit quickly & probably panicky but I am still a new mum!

OP posts:
Santaclarita · 05/11/2018 08:58

Of course you can. How else do single parents stay clean?

RiddleyW · 05/11/2018 09:02

I used to take a monitor in so that if I could hear he was quiet I would take a long leisurely shower. If I couldn't hear him then I would rush and be out in 5 mins in case he was crying. You need to work out what will stress you least.

Newborn in a steamy bathroom is definitely fine if you do want to take the baby in with you, I did a mix. I also can recommend having a bath with the baby although I stopped that after he pooed on me for the third time in a week.

flumpybear · 05/11/2018 09:03

I used to take the swinging chair in my bathroom with my children lol! I'd even do it when I'd have a long bath ... they'd often fall asleep! But yes sleeping baby = great chance to have a nice hot shower!

I am much like you though I'd worry about being in th garden or hanging out washing etc - if they're sleeping just check they're ok and not got a blanket over their head or a cat in the cot then go for it

I say cat because 1 day I found my child in the cot with the cat snuggled up next to her .... he didn't come in much that year!! And never went in the cot again (albeit he loves sleeping on their beds now they're a bit older

Ragwort · 05/11/2018 09:03

Of course it’s fine, I never used a monitor at all (& my DS was in his own room from 3 weeks which I know is against guidelines but worked for us) and just a suggestion, never let your DC get into the habit of following you to the bathroom/toilet. My DS never disturbed me, I can’t help thinking that some parents (mothers) are martyrs about not just shutting the door firmly.

INeedNewShoes · 05/11/2018 09:06

It's absolutely fine OP. DD was in her Moses basket in the bedroom during every single shower I had when she was a baby (I'm single).

I don't understand why taking a baby monitor in makes it more acceptable to some people. At such a young age if you can hear the baby whimper it means you know they're fine, surely. Or is the idea that new mums are to dash out of the shower to the baby at the very first sound?

I think it's better to just get on with it and have your shower as quickly as possible.

SnuggyBuggy · 05/11/2018 09:08

Definitely get that pictured bouncy chair. When my DD is in a good mood after a nap she will happily sit in it and watch me wash my hair or fold laundry. I will miss it when she grows out of it.

diddl · 05/11/2018 09:08

Baby will be fine even if they do wake up & cry a little.

The time mine did this the HV was at the door (below the bathroom window), being treated to the delights of me singing & baby crying!

oh4forkssake · 05/11/2018 09:10

You're absolutely fine.

I have to shower - I know lots of new mums go the whole day without showering but I never could. For me it's a mental health thing as much as a hygiene thing. I'd either leave them sleeping or bring them in with me in a bouncer. In the case of DD2, I'd bring her in in the bouncer and she would scream with rage for the 120 seconds it took me to shower and dry myself.

Doubletrouble99 · 05/11/2018 09:15

What does everyone think happened before baby monitors? As long as your baby is secure in their own cot they will be fine. I was brought up in the 60s, my mum was a foster mum to new borns in the days when babies were given up at birth, she had up to 6 at any one time together with us 3. She only had help in the mornings when they all needed bathed, feed and changed.

Doubletrouble99 · 05/11/2018 09:20

flumpybear - you've just reminded me about cats. My mum had nets to but over the prams when the babies were left out in them in the garden- we didn't have a cat of our own. A cat getting into the pram and smothering a baby was a real concern in these days, not something anyone seems to worry about now!

happychange · 05/11/2018 09:26

Just bring DC in the shower with you!

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 05/11/2018 09:26

Of course you can! Smile
The beauty of newborns is that they stay where you put them.

Remember this - letting them cry for a while isn’t the same as making them cry. And it’s fine if they cry for a couple of minutes while you rinse your hair or wipe your bum or make a cup of tea.

Flowers congratulations on your lovely new baby.

TheOrigRightsofwomen · 05/11/2018 09:27

I never owned a baby monitor. A baby with no health concerns will be fine while you shower.

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