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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To shower while baby sleeps in bedroom

231 replies

JodieWhittakersBraces · 05/11/2018 07:03

We've had our first baby and my DH is back to work today after paternity leave. This may seem like a stupid question but we seem to disagree about whether I can take a shower while the baby sleeps in the bedroom without my having a baby monitor to take into the bathroom. I think I should be ok if the baby's upstairs, I'm in and out asap - potentially leaving the bedroom and bathroom doors open. He reckons I need to take a baby monitor into the bathroom (which we haven't yet purchased).

Please be gentle, Mumsnet, we are first time parents

OP posts:

Orlande · 05/11/2018 07:46

You're allowed to shower, use the toilet, get dressed, make yourself something to eat. In fact you must do these things, every day. Even if the baby cries for a few minutes!

Some women give themselves a nervous breakdown believing they 'can't' even brush their teeth or make a cuppa because the baby might cry - it's not healthy for anyone.

strawberrisc · 05/11/2018 07:46

LearningToDrive · 05/11/2018 07:47

Take the monitor in with you. Baby will be fine either way, but you can enjoy a longer shower if you know they are fine.

SleepingStandingUp · 05/11/2018 07:48

OP is it that he's worried baby will cry unheard or that baby should sleep in the room you're in. Does he realise you'll also be leaving baby so you can pee and poo?

FissionChips · 05/11/2018 07:52

Does he realise you'll also be leaving baby so you can pee and poo?

You’d be surprised how many mothers take their kid in to the loo while they have a shit.

Instacrumb · 05/11/2018 07:55

Just do it. As long as they're in a safe place you don't need the monitor, I've had to do it since mine was born, he's now 6 months and as long as I know he's somewhere safe (playmat, cot etc) i dont worry. I just leave the door open so i can hear him. Your instincts are more important than a baby monitor, and they will soon kick in if they cry. 5 minutes alone in a shower can help your sanity

I can't understand people bringing them in the bathroom, it's a bit uneccessary.

gemsparkle84 · 05/11/2018 07:56

Have a shower and enjoy it. I'm guessing you'll be 2-3 minutes. If baby cries during that time they'll be absolutely fine. Enjoy your 3 minutes of freedom

areanyusernamesleft211 · 05/11/2018 07:56

Take a shower. You don’t need to be one of those parents that can’t go to the toilet for fear of leaving the baby unattended, that way lies madness.

anniehm · 05/11/2018 07:57

Of course, you will quickly realise that you actually have to do stuff while baby sleeps or complains that you aren't holding them. That housework doesn't do itself, how do you think people will multiple kids cope? Try to relax and not to worry, even if baby wakes immediately you will be 5 mins max. The quicker you can get into the habit of doing things normally, the better it is for you - babies cope fine

moita · 05/11/2018 07:58

I remember carrying my sleeping son into the bathroom (in his moses basket) as I felt anxious leaving him in the room next door while I had a bath...needless to say he woke up and said bath never happened.

Never did that with the second baby!!

LillianGish · 05/11/2018 07:59

Actually much easier to take a shower when baby is sleeping! If not sleeping then I used to pop mine in bouncy seat so they could sit in the corner of the bathroom and see me.

Whereismumhiding2 · 05/11/2018 07:59

Lol! This is such a cute question, reminds me of the newness of first baby. My 3 are older now.

Yes, you shower when baby is asleep. Don't take monitor in! You will ruin it and won't need it as your upstairs anyway. You'll hear bubs if s/he's screening!

You also -sleep yourself, cook , toilet, prepare dinner, tidy/clean, do paperwork, watch TV, or -whatever else you need to do when baby is asleep...

Get on with life and just keep an ear out. Dad is first time dad too and is over pannicking. When does he think 'parents on their own at home' shower ?!

Lazypuppy · 05/11/2018 08:00

I used to just put baby on the plastic changing mat on the bathroom floor when she was very little and awake. If she was asleep i'd leave her in her cot

OrgyOfSpookiness · 05/11/2018 08:00

Yep I do.

What I have done in the past is put baby in a chair in the hall and left the door open so I could kinda see them but that was ds1 so now I feel ok to leave dd in her cot with both doors open.

harper30 · 05/11/2018 08:01

Mine is 18 weeks and asleep in our bed right now and I'm about to go and have a shower 😊
And I might even shave my legs! Woo hoo!
Worst case is they'll cry for and few minutes? Chances are they won't even wake up.
As long as they are sleeping somewhere safe with no blankets that can ride up etc or roll off anything I think you are good to go.
Your partner will just have to learn that having a baby doesn't mean you stop functioning as a human being. He doesn't expect you to shower all day?? Or presumably leave the room to make a sandwich or answer the door or anything? He'll soon get used to it 👍

ThrowThoseCurtainsWide · 05/11/2018 08:03

My house was so small that the baby monitor picked up every single sound that I made in the shower anyway!

Baby will be fine, I wouldn't take a ridiculously long shower, but a quick wash will be fine. Be prepared for baby to start crying the second you get out though. Happened to me every single time...

Miscible · 05/11/2018 08:04

I'd love to know whether your DH takes the monitor into the loo with him if he's in charge on his own.

ToadhilIFlax · 05/11/2018 08:05

When your baby is older/if you ever have a second, I promise you will look back at this and laugh. I asked very similar questions myself!

In short, YANBU. Leave the doors open and keep your ears open - you can always turn off the shower for a few seconds for an extra listen.

SnuggyBuggy · 05/11/2018 08:05

I agree have your shower. Whoever came up with the guideline for baby having all their sleeps in a room with an adult has never looked after a baby on their own.

I can relate to the other posts, probably TMI but I ended up horribly constipated because I didn't feel.able to put my baby down crying and use the toilet.

Faster · 05/11/2018 08:06

Go for the shower. It’s what I did when DS was little. And I would turn the water off cos I was convinced I could hear him crying, he never was, it was just my brain playing tricks on me!
Am currently waiting for my now 16mo to go down for his morning nap so that I can have a shower!

brookshelley · 05/11/2018 08:09

I'd love to know whether your DH takes the monitor into the loo with him if he's in charge on his own.

Bet he's never been in charge on his own for longer than an hour or two. Or else he'd know this is ridiculous.

silkpyjamasallday · 05/11/2018 08:10

I used to bring DD into the bathroom with me probably why she still doesn't sleep! You'll be fine OP, once you have a baby monitor you can leave it on full volume outside the door, but as long as your not taking 20 minute + showers baby will be fine in your bedroom sleeping while you wash.

ZoeWashburne · 05/11/2018 08:12

It is more important that you shower and take care of yourself than if the baby hypothetically cries for 3 minutes once.

Self-care is SO important for new mums, both physically and mentally. Take 5 minutes for yourself and shampoo, use nice soap, and try to relax a bit.

Give yourself credit for showering and brushing your teeth with a few-week-old newborn. Good for you!

Echobelly · 05/11/2018 08:15

It is sad we've reached a point where some parents feel they can't leave a baby for even a couple of minutes - especially when they're tiny and non-mobile. Enjoy the non-mobile bit while you can! They're honestly not going to get in any danger if they're in a cot and there's nothing choke-able in reach, which is not a difficult thing to manage.

Willow2017 · 05/11/2018 08:24

Of course its fine. When does he think you will get time to do anything if you are constantly hovering over the baby? When are you supposed to eat, do housework etc?

Baby is asleep enjoy the time to pamper yourself you are important too you know. Happy mum us much better for baby than a stresed one.
You will soon learn what works for you and baby. Its pretty daunting at first but baby wont break if left to sleep for a bit while you get on with stuff.

Congratulations.

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