To think daughter is ungrateful/expects too much

[Pompom42]

Have a teenage daughter she's 13.
She currently shares a bedroom with her younger sister. The younger sister is 3 but isn't really sleeping in there atm she still sleeps in my room with me.
We have a 2 bed bungalow which is not tiny but not large either. But we are all on the one floor so I appreciate we do get in each other's way at times.
Just recently she keeps saying to me "wish I didn't have to share a room with my sister".
Whilst it isn't ideal as I said youngest isn't sleeping in there. It's a nice room and was all decorated and new beds etc 2 years ago.
Now she's started saying "this house is tiny, when can we move?"
"All my friends houses are bigger, this house is really really tiny compared to theres"
I've said to her tonight I can't afford anything else. We live in a naice area and at the time it was this house or nothing. We have a drive and a garden and it's in a pretty village.
For some reason it's made me feel really upset. AIBU in thinking she's spoilt? Or is this normal teenage behaviour?
What about years ago when you had families of 6 children all living in a 3 bed house.
What can I say to her?

Not unusual or unreasonable for a teenager to want their own room, especially with such a large age gap.

Mine share a room through choice. They had separate rooms but chose to share, but they are younger, with a smaller age gap.

If you can't afford to.move, then that is life. Would you be able to save up to do a loft extension?

I don't think she's being spoilt- just being a teenager. I can understand why she wants her own room- I'd have hated having to share with my brother. But it is what it is, it's not always as simple as moving house/ loft conversions etc. I think you just have to explain that you sympathise but there's not much you can do- maybe see if she has any ideas? Perhaps something like a summer house in the garden that could be her own space- she could help save towards to cost, decorate inside etc?.

My children are 9 and 6 and they often ask when we can move to a bigger house. They already have their own rooms too! It's because they've both had friends move to bigger houses, get lovely new bedrooms etc and they want the same. I can't see us ever moving- although I'd also love somewhere bigger! Finances don't allow it unfortunately. I've explained how expensive it is to move house, how we can't afford to pay more rent (and it'd be substantially more too as we've got a very good deal currently) but they don't really understand at their ages.

It really did make the rooms smaller because there was one door into a kind of entrance, then two doors off that one space, if that makes sense.

You can get things like this Karalis Room divider

Or enter the second room for older girl, via the younger girls room.

Not done any of this myself so take with a pinch of salt.

Sofa Beds are not comfy and I suffer with sciatica. Gets really bad at times.
I'll sort it I'm sure.
Just been a bad day, we went to a market earlier and I bought her a coat and 2 pairs of boots, didn't seem grateful, coat was £120 so not cheap market prices, it's all spiralled from that why I think she's ungrateful. She made the comment once we got home.
Showed me a house to rent on RightMove for £5,000 a month and asked me was it a lot of money.
Not her fault either I know.

Tbh I can see where she's coming from and you need to think long term too. What about when she's 16/17? It's not fair to expect her to share with a 6 year old.

Not sure about your situation and I don't want to judge, but I would never expect kids to share a room past the age of 10, same gender or not.

Showed me a house to rent on RightMove for £5,000 a month and asked me was it a lot of money.

I know a fair few 13 year olds, they might not know how much the average rent is, but all of them would know £5k was a lot of money regardless of the context.

Bugger this! I shared a room with my two sisters (3 years and 8 years younger than me.

My friend at school shared a room with FOUR sisters (she was in the middles but from what I recall there was about 14 years between the oldest and youngest.

You have a comfortable home - she will never be satisfied as she is obviously in a "keeping up with the Joneses'" mindset.

Trust me - whatever you do, she won't be happy for long.

However she is at "that age" - she'll grow out of it (if you all survive)

PurpleNovember can't be helped. I guess I thought it'd be ok. To me nothing is long term, I guess I take each day as it comes.
You don't expect sharing past 10? Well that's you

Schaden thanks. A truly sensible answer

@Pompom42 Yes, because people need privacy for their own wellbeing. At aged 13 I would have hated to share a room with my sister, it's the age of puberty, periods, and angst, I needed my own space and I'm sure your DD feels the same. She will also soon be doing her GCSEs, so will need a quiet space to do coursework and to relax.

I wouldn't have a child if I knew I couldn't afford to give them their own room, but as I said, I know circumstances change and I don't know your situation. What I'm saying is I definitely wouldn't have kids thinking I could make them share a bedroom forever.

PurpleNovember, if you had no bloody money for a bigger house and more kids than bedrooms, what WOULD you do then?

I do think it could be done with simple changes. A new bed for the toddler. She gets to choose.

Teen gets old bed (lower section could be changed for storage or seating )

A divider short term but save for a proper timber and plasterboard wall to go in eventually. That shouldn't cost too much. Both children will love having a space to call there own and teens do need privacy if it can be managed for them I'd be doing it.

Your home does sound lovely but at that age I would be giving her her own solace. A room to express herself and sto be hers.

Younger Daughter in with you until that. Scones a problem then sofa bed for you

I don’t understand this thread- op is apparently sharing a single room with her partner and 3 yo. Her 13 yo sleeps in large double. So what is 13 yo problem??? That she has to share wardrobe space ?!

Showed me a house to rent on RightMove for £5,000 a month and asked me was it a lot of money.

Actually, what this says to me is that she has no idea about relative values of things, which means she has no idea what's plausible. It actually makes me think even more that she's not being spoiled--she just hasn't been educated about average costs, average salaries, etc. She is naive, not awful.

I think it's time to talk with her about this--not in a sit-down-and-lecture kind of way, but weaving it in to conversations.

There you are OP. Problem solved. Pop into your time machine and don't have a second child 🤦🏻‍♀️
Sound helpful input purple

@Greensleeves I wouldn't have the extra kids unless I had the house (not renting), with the necessary number of bedrooms first. If I didn't have this, I wouldn't have kids.

op is apparently sharing a single room with her partner and 3 yo

I don't think OP has mentioned having a partner. I think (although happy to be corrected) she is sharing a room with only the 3 year old.

@Jaxtellerswife for goodness sake, I was just talking personally and I did say, I don't know if OP's circumstances drastically changed or what. I just said personally, I don't think kids should share a room past a certain age.

OP you still haven't said why you wont offer her the smaller bedroom to have as her own. It solves the whole problem.

@PurpleNovember circumstances can change, for anyone. Divorce, redundancy, illness - you simply can't know when you make the decision to have another child how many bedrooms you'll have in 5 years, 10 years or whatever. We all provide as best we can for the children we have, surely? I doubt OP posted so that people could tell her she shouldn't have had a second child

Mine shared out of choice until they were 13 and 15 and finally decided they wanted separate rooms. Now ds2 has the much smaller room. He'd love a bigger room with more space to fit friends in etc, but we don't have it, so it's hard cheese! Life is what it is.

To be fair to her it must be bloody hard for a teen to share a room with a 3 year old. She’s at an age where privacy is hugely important and 3 is far too young to understand boundaries. I can see why she hates it.

I understand if you can’t move but can you compromise? Partition off part of your room or the sitting room for the 3yo (or you)? Split the DD’s room in two with a divider? Something to give her her own space which isn’t shared with a toddler.

Op, you said you have a garden? Is there room for a small shed/ summerhouse which could be teenage daughter's den? Somewhere she can go a bit more private? Might help things.

Sofa bed for you in the living room and a bedroom for each child?

That's ridiculous.

OP, it's perfectly fine for your dds to share a room. Even if you moved into a 3 bed room home she may complain it's not as big as her friends' houses. DD needs to understand that family homes come in all shapes and sizes.

@Walkingdeadfangirl I agree the daughters need their own rooms, but suggesting OP gives up her room is ridiculous....