AIBU to be sick of privileged, older white men - join my tiny rant!

[windygallows]

Yup I'm probably unreasonable but I just want to put out there how sick I am of working with privileged, older white men - 40 plus and often 'posh'.

They dominate the upper echelons of the organization I work in as well as all the organizations I liaise with. Some are very good but many aren't due their seniority nor are they that smart - but they are well spoken and confident so whatever they say comes across as read. Their smuggery is driven by their high self regard and knowledge that they are 'where they belong'.

And despite their seniority they are often mollycoddled and supported by (usually female) PAs and completely enabled by wives at home who have been supporting them for 20+ years to the point that they take all the support for granted. They are so enabled that all they have to do is go to work and everything else is sorted for them - it's kind of a carefree oblivion they hold and thus they are completely oblivious to the challenges that others (e.g. women) face in their day to day lives.

I see this male privilege everywhere and everyday. In my boss who is completely self absorbed and with a family set up that enables and supports the fact that he is Number one. In other work scenarios, like when I was interviewed last week by a panel of important men + one woman from HR brought in to balance out the panel. I see 'important white men' driving fast in their cars, beeping up behind me in the fast lane as they need to go to their important meeting. Male privilege is everywhere and am sick of it.

From age 50 (my age) the number of women in the workforce starts to drop significantly and I'm wondering if it's because they're just sick of working with the men I describe!

I can't be the only person to feel this way. Please join me in this tiny rant!

YANBU OP

I run a successful business and a corresponding event.

I was contacted by a middle-aged, white guy who told me and my female colleague we would have more weight if he joined us, as people don’t trust an all women team to deliver

Whatever. I'll leave you to your hate.

THIS

So what are are you all going to do about it? Other than complain?

Managing a home and family to a (reasonably) high standard is hard work and happens 24/7/365. Adults who don’t have that responsibility, and someone to pick up all the pieces for them, have a massive leg up in the workplace.

Stand up tall and refuse to be walked on.
Call out their crap.
Do not allow them to take the credit for the work of the whole team.
Do not 'facilitate'
Be willing to say how ferking good we are at what we do

and NEVER offer to make the tea

or do the copying (unless its a document you want to be able to read in peace as part of your meeting prep)

So what are are you all going to do about it? Other than complain?

Yeah, we’re all just doing nothing 🙄

Neshoma I’m in education which is female dominated (my head is female but I’m aware many are male). I’m going to progress and encourage the girls I teach to aim for the top; I will also urge my daughters (and son) to aim high. Dh is self employed so always picks up the poorly child. He also works part time as do I currently but I’ve just applied for a promotion.
I kind of wish I’d gone into a more male dominated field though as that’s what we need to do, get in there, get ambitious!

Lots of women on here are doing something about it.
But aside from that, bringing it to peoples attention is part of doing something about it.
It’s sad that the most common thing is to not make the tea.

I work in a mostly female dominated industry that has a female CEO. I have worked with some truely inspirational dedicated women - most of us have all brought up our children too, some of us single handedly. It doesn’t pay the best money in many ways but I think it is a positive environment for women to really shine and grow. There are men in the organisation and there is none of this incompetent white Middle aged man thing going on. But I know it exists and have actually now experienced 2 female managers behaving in very similar ways. It is most odd. They have very old school values that children hamper your career progression, mothers make for terrible employees and that women are incapable of ‘putting the job first’. Interestingly both of these female managers are very incompetent, expect a lot of support and make a lot of noise about what they feel they deserve. I have had multiple disagreements with them about their comments about ‘bloody School holidays’ or ‘baby brain’ and complaining about people leaving on Time to collect children. I have seen women be branded untrustworthy for using carers leave for their sick child.

I think usually when people are diligent and very competent they don’t feel the need to bang on about it - they just do it. Wonder if these middle class white men do actually know deep down they are incompetent and all of this ‘confidence’ is a bravado to endure the well oiled wheels of wives and PA’s keep believing in the illusion

Given that I come from a poor household where df was a domineering misogynistic bully, my dm only semiliterate, from a shitty drug ridden estate, have had to literally fight off attackers in the past, that I have held (lower level admittedly) professional jobs in the past, that my dh can do the cooking, and I am raising my daughter to look upwards not down, and my son so far (he's only 3) to not believe in his natural arrogant superiority for doing nothing like some on here, I've already done quite a lot thanks. It's not always big campaigns that change the world, it's the small everyday actions, lives and examples. I'm also discussing these issues right now, keeping them aired.

So what are are you all going to do about it? Other than complain?

I volunteer as a mentor for underprivileged teens hoping to get into my field (usually young women of colour). I speak at as many career events as possible aimed at people from less privileged backgrounds. I resist the temptation to take on all the ‘wife work’ in my relationship just because that’s what’s people seem to expect, and I don’t insult my partner by assuming that he needs me to do all his laundry/cooking/cleaning and general life admin because he is a grown man perfectly capable of looking after himself.

I am a straight, white, middle class, non-disabled woman working in a very competitive industry which sadly mostly seems to just employ white, middle class, privileged people. I worked damn hard to get my job and I am bloody proud of myself. But I am the first to admit that others without my levels of privilege could have (and have) worked just as hard without any hope of getting to where I am. So when those higher up in the organisation (who are invariably posh white men) try to argue that they have got where they are entirely through hard work and that they have enjoyed no privilege whatsoever... then yeah, it fucking grates.

The fact is that it was built by white men, which is historically why they were in positions of power.

No : The fact is that it was built by white men, because historically they were in positions of power.

Exactly, InfiniteCurve.

Galatea, if you want to argue that men enjoy positions of power because they put themselves there, then I don’t think anyone here will disagree with that. But trying to tell me that my boss deserves his six-figure salary because men ‘built the country’ and now some other men dig up our roads... that’s just laughable.

I agree OP

My DH isn't incompetent (or posh) but the difference in his career since I stopped working has been incredible and rather depressing (for me, the facilitator)

We are literally fucking having this conversation through technology that women pioneered and dominated in the early years before it became a "prestige" profession and women techs were edged out by men.

www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/memo-to-the-google-memo-writer-women-were-foundational-to-the-field-of-computing/2017/08/09/76da1886-7d0e-11e7-a669-b400c5c7e1cc_story.html

I also volunteer with a charity that supports young less fortunate people than me.

however my point was just that the reason white men are in positions of power is because historically they built this society.

There are a number of problems with this statement, so I’ll just pick up on one - I’m assuming you’re British and therefore talking about the UK. If so, someone needs a history lesson, quickly. Google ‘British Empire’ and ‘colonialism’ as a starter for ten.

I see the same as OP - I'm 10 years younger, hold a senior position in a very male dominated industry and the number of women has already dropped right off. I don't know where they've gone. The numbers were never great, but at least there were a few women around me when I was junior. Now I am on my own.

I'm cross as my employer has recently jumped onto the diversity bandwagon. They are happy to spend their money on initiatives for undergraduate women, but ask them to look critically at the reasons why they cannot hire and promote women within the company and suddenly "we can't reasonably change the company culture" or "there's no need as everyone can simply talk to their manager if they're facing issues".

For those of us with ambition, here's some helpful advice for getting ahead thecooperreview.com/non-threatening-leadership-strategies-for-women/

The amount of women that say there is no point In working as my salary is the same as childcare makes me want to weep,

Yes why does childcare cancel out the woman’s salary? Why not a proportion of both parents or shock horror just the man’s?

Yes why does childcare cancel out the woman’s salary?

Because, I assume the situation is

• mother takes maternity leave, often at lower rates than salary and / or unpaid.
• parents look at options for mother to return to work, starting from a base point of zero (direct) child care costs
• all child care costs have a negative impact on the household income.
• if the mother's earning power is higher than the child care costs, there is still a net increase on the household income if she returns to work
• if the mother's earning power is lower than the child care costs, there is a net decrease on the household income if she returns to work
• it doesn't matter whether it is attributed as coming wholly from mother's salary or half and half (or some other ratio), the net impact is still less money than if she became a SAHM

Sometimes it's really important to turn things around in our heads, so the psychological impact is different. But in this case, the practical impact of having less money - and possible significantly less money) is impossible to ignore

Or you could think
Childcare is 24k p/y
I earn 24k
My partner earned 48
So that’s 12k each
Not just my salary is totally wiped out

Of you could say all the childcare costs are on the dh salary.
So he takes home 24 and I take home 24
But that never works out. It’s always the woman’s salary that is zero rated

I understand the maths. It’s the way it’s framed.