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AIBU to be sick of privileged, older white men - join my tiny rant!

430 replies

windygallows · 04/11/2018 10:29

Yup I'm probably unreasonable but I just want to put out there how sick I am of working with privileged, older white men - 40 plus and often 'posh'.

They dominate the upper echelons of the organization I work in as well as all the organizations I liaise with. Some are very good but many aren't due their seniority nor are they that smart - but they are well spoken and confident so whatever they say comes across as read. Their smuggery is driven by their high self regard and knowledge that they are 'where they belong'.

And despite their seniority they are often mollycoddled and supported by (usually female) PAs and completely enabled by wives at home who have been supporting them for 20+ years to the point that they take all the support for granted. They are so enabled that all they have to do is go to work and everything else is sorted for them - it's kind of a carefree oblivion they hold and thus they are completely oblivious to the challenges that others (e.g. women) face in their day to day lives.

I see this male privilege everywhere and everyday. In my boss who is completely self absorbed and with a family set up that enables and supports the fact that he is Number one. In other work scenarios, like when I was interviewed last week by a panel of important men + one woman from HR brought in to balance out the panel. I see 'important white men' driving fast in their cars, beeping up behind me in the fast lane as they need to go to their important meeting. Male privilege is everywhere and am sick of it.

From age 50 (my age) the number of women in the workforce starts to drop significantly and I'm wondering if it's because they're just sick of working with the men I describe!

I can't be the only person to feel this way. Please join me in this tiny rant!

OP posts:

SilentIsla · 04/11/2018 10:54

Men like those you describe are often very attractive. Must be due to power...


MacosieAsunter · 04/11/2018 10:55

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TSSDNCOP · 04/11/2018 10:55

If your Director was my husband, that’s exactly what he’s going to be thinking. Probably not in the meeting itself, that’s where he focuses his mind on work, but on the journey home yes. That’s because his wife (me) is also working.

Some people may behave as you say. In my workplace, it isn’t like that but it can see that in yours it is different. Have you considered discusssing your observations with HR? Perhaps your company could do more to promote itself to female graduates/apprentices?


Puggles123 · 04/11/2018 10:55

It depends where you work I guess, the upper levels where I am are pretty balanced and the men overwhelmingly supportive. Not that it makes it right, but most probably started their careers when it was harder for women to balance careers and families (not saying it’s perfect now of course but better than it was); hopefully in the coming years balance will be a bit more restored where the longer term affects of a more inclusive work place are realised.


SilentIsla · 04/11/2018 10:56




windygallows · 04/11/2018 10:57

Dismissive of your own gender aren't you OP? So the woman who interviewed you was token ? You really need to get right over yourself, because you are coming across as having a bit of a chip on your shoulder

The HR person was there to observe, not ask any questions. If you don't think women are brought in to balance out an interview panel, then you are living in a dream world.

OP posts:

SilentIsla · 04/11/2018 10:59



WobbleHead · 04/11/2018 11:00

I agree with you. I work as a consultant type role and I have fairly intimately seen into lots of large organisations’ senior management teams, and this pattern is totally obvious for senior levels. Yet to see somewhere that doesn’t suffer from it to a certain degree.

If you think it’s women's fault or that it doesn’t exist, then you’re being wilfully blind at best. More usually on threads like these the posters who come to minimise and derail quite blatantly have some kind of ulterior motive.

We see you.


workshyfop · 04/11/2018 11:00

I’m with you OP. I’m the only woman at my level, and also the only one with a working class background. These men have no idea of the privilege they carry with them, they’ve been handed everything on a plate and their way is smoothed for them every single day. Yet they believe with absolute conviction that they have got where they have through hard work alone. After the gender pay gap data came out my company created a diversity team. And appointed a middle class white man to lead it. I fucking despair.


RangeRider · 04/11/2018 11:01

Where are these men that you speak about OP?
I've meant some - all in the same company, a largish one that went plc. I'd assume that they congregate in the same place & it ends up a bit of an old boys' club. And they did seem to attract PAs who would pander to them. Until a woman (or a man who doesn't think that way) invades their space they continue because they have no reason not to. It's just a case of busting a gut twice as much to be allowed in or waiting till they die!


Ghanagirl · 04/11/2018 11:01

As a black woman a bit younger than OP I agree with what she says.


Karrwomannghia · 04/11/2018 11:01

We need women getting to the top in every industry. We’re more than capable so at what point do people decide it’s the men who progress? Keep going OP, you’ll be part of the changing landscape.


MeganBacon · 04/11/2018 11:01

Your hr dept need to working to even that out. Where I work, they've made really good headway with it over the past 5-10 years, and I'm optimistic that things are changing for the better.


Renarde1975 · 04/11/2018 11:02

Oh I totally agree with you OP. I also see no signs of it changing too. When I was married, everything pretty much was my responsibility. It was horrendous. I sacrificed my career and progression so he could get additional qualifications, just because I was the woman.

I juggled countless tasks every single day. He never once helped me sort out childcare for example.


LettuceP · 04/11/2018 11:02

My boss doesn't understand why mothers can't just pick up extra shifts or come in and do an extra shift at the drop of a hat, and he is a parent. I dont think he's ever not been able to do something because he has to look after his own kids.


TheHulksPurplePanties · 04/11/2018 11:02

You're certainly describing my workplace OP. Lots of women managerial level and below, but once you start moving up past manager the women get thin on the ground till their gone at the highest levels.


FFSFFSFFS · 04/11/2018 11:03

I agree! It's the rise of the incompetent that bug bears me the most!


everycowandagain · 04/11/2018 11:04

Totally agree OP. I work for a large US Investment Bank and most senior men have their lives facilitated by others, usually women.

Very few have working wives so it has been incredibly refreshing to have a male MD boss who has a working wife who is v senior in a law firm. My boss has responsibility for some childcare logistics which is almost unheard of for a man at his level and honestly I think that working culture will only become more parent friendly when flexibility becomes something men need too.


DingDongDenny · 04/11/2018 11:05

I live in Scotland and 5 years ago I would have agreed with you, I was often in meetings where all the decision makers were white, older priveleged men. It always felt like some of them were talking but saying nothing, which always pissed me off as they were getting paid 3 times what I was.

But things are changing here, at least in the area I work in. More women at the top.


AnyFucker · 04/11/2018 11:05

Your problem is you need more HRT patches and to work harder ?

Misogyny at it's most blatant. I hope those comments were a "joke"


ButchyRestingFace · 04/11/2018 11:07

I agree with you, OP. #IAmGoldenPomBear* 🐻


namechanged0983 · 04/11/2018 11:08

@windygallows I'm 100% with you. And I find the responses in this thread are representative of the fact that even women don't support other women. I'm in a very senior role but at the very top of our organisation there are 11 men. Only men.

The majority of those men (not all) are selfish, entitled and unintelligent. It's actually laughable.

Obviously the only reason why there are no women is because they aren't smart or work hard enough 


funnelfanjo · 04/11/2018 11:10

I recognise all of this too - they aren’t my peers but a layer of management above me. I interact with them enough to see all of the behaviour described. The one woman who is their peer has taken the approach of out-alpha-ing the alpha-males. It obviously works for her, but tbh she’s a pain in the arse to have to deal with and not someone I look to to be a female mentor or role model.


Karrwomannghia · 04/11/2018 11:11

That’s the thing, we know women are intelligent, organised, can multitask, have stamina etc but it seems to be arrogance that wins out. What a different world we’d live in if women were at the top.


UpstartCrow · 04/11/2018 11:12

This has been a recognised problem for decades. Recognised by women, that is.

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