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AIBU?

AIBU to be sick of privileged, older white men - join my tiny rant!

430 replies

windygallows · 04/11/2018 10:29

Yup I'm probably unreasonable but I just want to put out there how sick I am of working with privileged, older white men - 40 plus and often 'posh'.

They dominate the upper echelons of the organization I work in as well as all the organizations I liaise with. Some are very good but many aren't due their seniority nor are they that smart - but they are well spoken and confident so whatever they say comes across as read. Their smuggery is driven by their high self regard and knowledge that they are 'where they belong'.

And despite their seniority they are often mollycoddled and supported by (usually female) PAs and completely enabled by wives at home who have been supporting them for 20+ years to the point that they take all the support for granted. They are so enabled that all they have to do is go to work and everything else is sorted for them - it's kind of a carefree oblivion they hold and thus they are completely oblivious to the challenges that others (e.g. women) face in their day to day lives.

I see this male privilege everywhere and everyday. In my boss who is completely self absorbed and with a family set up that enables and supports the fact that he is Number one. In other work scenarios, like when I was interviewed last week by a panel of important men + one woman from HR brought in to balance out the panel. I see 'important white men' driving fast in their cars, beeping up behind me in the fast lane as they need to go to their important meeting. Male privilege is everywhere and am sick of it.

From age 50 (my age) the number of women in the workforce starts to drop significantly and I'm wondering if it's because they're just sick of working with the men I describe!

I can't be the only person to feel this way. Please join me in this tiny rant!

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Suttree · 04/11/2018 10:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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formerbabe · 04/11/2018 10:32

I agree with you.

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MacosieAsunter · 04/11/2018 10:34

I'd suggest stronger HRT patches and maybe a spa weekend Grin

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puzzledlady · 04/11/2018 10:35

Confused
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InfiniteCurve · 04/11/2018 10:38

Suttree,isn't part of the OPs point,that it's easy to put in the hours and"work hard" if that's all you are doing,because you are surrounded by a support 'staff' of PAs and wives/ family?
(Sorry OP if that's not part of your point!)

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puzzledlady · 04/11/2018 10:39

I work with these so called men you speak about - none of them behave the way you say they do, my husband used to be an investment banker and had a PA - she never enabled him to feel like he was the most important person on Earth. Where are these men that you speak about OP? You need to chill out.

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abacucat · 04/11/2018 10:39

I agree

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windygallows · 04/11/2018 10:40

Suttree I've not mentioned my progression at all so not sure why you've brought that up but hey it must be my problem, right?

Macosie I think if women can't acknowledge how very privileged men are in society and instead think that women are just crazy in their inability to accept it, then we have really been brainwashed. Better take that HRT to swallow it up!

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Ynci · 04/11/2018 10:41

You have just described my ExH perfectly! He doesn’t have to arrange anything (wife at home, pa in the office) so arrangements for our DD fall through the cracks. Apparently I am meant to just know he’s taking her away for a holiday when no one told me a single thing about it! He assumed a 14 would know to mention it with no checking up!

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lemonybarcode · 04/11/2018 10:41

Completely agree with you OP. I work in a very large organisation and a large number of the mainly white 40+ men in senior positions actually do a mediocre job at best - but are treated as through they are untouchable and correct due to their (often misplaced) confidence. I do see things changing, more women are getting to these positions and the bar is being accordingly raised, but it'll take a long time to reverse this privilege.

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windygallows · 04/11/2018 10:42

I work with these so called men you speak about - none of them behave the way you say they do, my husband used to be an investment banker and had a PA - she never enabled him to feel like he was the most important person on Earth. Where are these men that you speak about OP? You need to chill out.

I'm not saying a huge amount amount men's behaviour, rather their sense of privilege and importance that comes with having a PA and lots of support. It's just one of the ways that we bolster these older men and make them feel more important.

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Suttree · 04/11/2018 10:43

I've not mentioned my progression at all so not sure why you've brought that up but hey it must be my problem, right? that's what it comes down to though isn't it, if you didn't feel entitled to more then you wouldn't be bothered. It is your problem.

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SeeTwoTo · 04/11/2018 10:44

I agree with you. I wish I could take the HRT to magically make it all go away but my medical history precludes it.

WE know windy. We aren’t the only ones. I’ve been thinking about a secret signal so we know who we are-a golden Pom Bear broach or xx on the back of our hands in Sharpie.

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SillySallySingsSongs · 04/11/2018 10:44

Suprised you know the home set up and how partners feel, of so many of those you work with.

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windygallows · 04/11/2018 10:44

Suttree, you are hilarious. Would you tell a black person who was frustrated that there weren't enough black people/including themselves in positions of power, that the problem was them and that they weren't working hard enough? Wow.

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Suttree · 04/11/2018 10:47

@Windy - You're bringing race into it because you don't have an argument. At the end of the day you can either put in the work you need to progress or spend your time ranting about perceived unfairness.

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windygallows · 04/11/2018 10:47

Suprised you know the home set up and how partners feel, of so many of those you work with.

OF course I'll never know how their partners feel but I am aware of the family set up of many of the men I work with and yes, at a senior level many of the men DO have the support of wives who usually aren't in employment. Also I'm pretty, pretty confident that my director isn't sitting in meetings at 5pm thinking about what he's going to make for dinner and if he needs to pick up milk on the way home.

I mean I'm going over old ground here - this is the stuff feminists were complaining about in the 1970s -- I'm just miffed that it doesn't feel that much has changed.

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windygallows · 04/11/2018 10:49

Suttree I never said I wanted to be the CEO of the company - you just inferred that this was about career progression and it's not.

I think if you can't acknowledge that there is prejudice or preference in the workplace, then you really must be blind. And out of touch.

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Lichtie · 04/11/2018 10:49

I have a PA... It's not to bolster my ego, or a sense of privilege.... But yes it does enable me - to do my job.

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rightreckoner · 04/11/2018 10:50

Totally recognise this OP. I’m a single parent but someone in a very senior position at work and not only am I the only woman at my level but I am also the only one also managing everything else. Sometimes I am little more than a walking list of things to do/remember/organise. This work is so invisible and so undervalued by society and by the men who benefit from it. My colleagues have no clue that this other world even exists.

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windygallows · 04/11/2018 10:50

WE know windy. We aren’t the only ones. I’ve been thinking about a secret signal so we know who we are-a golden Pom Bear broach or xx on the back of our hands in Sharpie.

This is the best idea ever. Golden Pom Bear broaches being manufacturerd now. Bear will be rolling it's eyes for added pleasure and knowing glances.

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JennyHolzersGhost · 04/11/2018 10:51

I agree with you OP.

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TipseyTorvey · 04/11/2018 10:51

I think you work for the same company I work for! All senior management are white middle class males of a certain type. A snr manager who I got along with really well once told me I lacked ambition because I turned down and 'promotion' that would have meant a pay cut in real terms and loads more out of normal work hours. I'd literally just come from maternity leave and he couldn't see the issue because he has a sah wife and a PA to do all the stuff that I would have to do on top of the new 60 hour a week job. The company has put in place bonuses for snr managers who have one woman on their SLTs and they still don't have any. I'm tired of fighting it though now so no anger left , just acceptance sadly.

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windygallows · 04/11/2018 10:52

Rightreckoner - You are a star! I'm in the same position (LP) and working FT and feel exactly the same. It's v hard.

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Tomatoesrock · 04/11/2018 10:52

I agree with you. Most men have much more support from their partners, they get away with murder. You see it every day on threads.

My Dsis and her DH do long hours, she will carry the mental load of home. My DP is very helpful though I still end up doing most of the thinking, childcare arrangements. I find it hard and I work PT.

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