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AIBU to be sick of privileged, older white men - join my tiny rant!

430 replies

windygallows · 04/11/2018 10:29

Yup I'm probably unreasonable but I just want to put out there how sick I am of working with privileged, older white men - 40 plus and often 'posh'.

They dominate the upper echelons of the organization I work in as well as all the organizations I liaise with. Some are very good but many aren't due their seniority nor are they that smart - but they are well spoken and confident so whatever they say comes across as read. Their smuggery is driven by their high self regard and knowledge that they are 'where they belong'.

And despite their seniority they are often mollycoddled and supported by (usually female) PAs and completely enabled by wives at home who have been supporting them for 20+ years to the point that they take all the support for granted. They are so enabled that all they have to do is go to work and everything else is sorted for them - it's kind of a carefree oblivion they hold and thus they are completely oblivious to the challenges that others (e.g. women) face in their day to day lives.

I see this male privilege everywhere and everyday. In my boss who is completely self absorbed and with a family set up that enables and supports the fact that he is Number one. In other work scenarios, like when I was interviewed last week by a panel of important men + one woman from HR brought in to balance out the panel. I see 'important white men' driving fast in their cars, beeping up behind me in the fast lane as they need to go to their important meeting. Male privilege is everywhere and am sick of it.

From age 50 (my age) the number of women in the workforce starts to drop significantly and I'm wondering if it's because they're just sick of working with the men I describe!

I can't be the only person to feel this way. Please join me in this tiny rant!

OP posts:

glamourous · 04/11/2018 11:43

I agree with you and this is why I left the Civil Service. It was literally like Spot The Colour where I worked and quickly realised that 95% of all ministers/directors and other senior management were white privileged men. The rest were white women and only a couple of people of colour. Really depressing to work in a place like that where you don't fit in and when you realise that these are the people running the country and do not reflect the diversity of the country. The day I left was the happiest day I experienced there.


lborgia · 04/11/2018 11:45

I am still seething after 2 years working for a man who earns about 25 time more than our receptionists, and yet they insist on buying him coffee, rather than using his petty cash (which is what it’s there for). They also fuss around saying “has he had any lunch today” and just putting food in front of him.

I truly despair.

Not helped by the fact that I truly wish I could put my children in a box somewhere for 40 hours a week so that I can have a proper, fulfilling job, but it’s just impossible. For various health/development reasons, there is only room for one CEO in this house.

I cannot maintain this level of resentment though, I will probably end up having a stroke or something. It’s so corrosive.


Unfinishedkitchen · 04/11/2018 11:53

Also forgot to add that I haven’t read the whole thread so haven’t seen most of the replies, however, OP be prepared to be attacked.

A minority of women benefit (or believe they do) from the status quo and will come for you in order to defend it. They will say you’re imagining it, it’s your fault in some way or some rubbish about PC, quotas, snowflakes or how women in Afghanistan have it harder so we shouldn’t complain.


rampantbull · 04/11/2018 11:54

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BlatheringWuther · 04/11/2018 11:55

Totally agree. Perhaps it's particularly visible in the public sector?

I'm surprised you wonder why though. One word - children.


Mummyoflittledragon · 04/11/2018 11:58

rampant bull
Well there you go. A man has spoken. Just hard graft that’s all that’s required. Except it’s not. It really isn’t.


BlatheringWuther · 04/11/2018 11:59

Oh, yes, thanks so much for the reminder rampantbull. More than one word then. The others being 'Men who have always exhibited a no can do attitude towards children' - or more specifically, an 'it doesn't exist' or 'it's all your fault anyway' attitude towards children. Hmm, where else do we see that attitude.


windygallows · 04/11/2018 11:59

Fuck off rampantbull. Mansplaining how to make it in business. Good grief.

OP posts:

Aethelthryth · 04/11/2018 12:00

You are not wrong that men rarely have to deal with the domestic mental load and thus can better focus on work alone. The inverted snobbery of your post, however, is unpleasant and undermines your point.

Having a PA comes with seniority, not with being a man


MilkTrayLimeBarrel · 04/11/2018 12:00

Maybe, just maybe, the men in question just happen to be doing a better job than their subordinates and that is why they are in the position they are in!


mugginsalert · 04/11/2018 12:01

I'm lucky to work somewhere where there are both men and women in senior roles. What I've noticed is that the women are much more focused on using time efficiently, presumably not coincidentally because they are juggling other responsibilities. The men seem to spend much longer working their networks - long coffee meetings to chat generally before focusing in on the main point, vs the women phoning for 5 minutes to get the task done. But both groups are often to be found on email late at night. Just seems like men have a more rewarding time at work.


Spongebobette · 04/11/2018 12:02

This, by a French feminist cartoonist, is really good about the mental load borne by women. There was an article in the Guardian and the book has just been published.


lborgia · 04/11/2018 12:04

Too fucking right I’m bitter. Have several reasons to feel that way, and don’t know why I should hide it.

RampantBull, slightly bemused that you have time in your glorious life to come and tell us how it all works. Especially when you have not a clue.


NameChanger22 · 04/11/2018 12:07


Men on the whole irritate me, but especially old, white men. They think they have a God given-right to tell everyone else what to do and they think they are better than everyone else. I'm so happy I'm single. I could never live with a man. My work team is nearly all women, thankfully.


Lucyccfc · 04/11/2018 12:07

I worked in a male dominated industry and on the odd occasion have to remind the men that 'I don't have a wife at home to do all the cleaning, cooking and childcare'.

I get on really well with all the blokes at work, but I do call them out on their assumptions.

Had a meeting with our FD last week and he looked at me and the female HR Director and asks where the coffee was. I gave him a lovely smile and said 'In the kitchen and mine has lots of milk thanks'.

Rampantbull I'll assume you got where you did with hard graft, sorting childcare, being responsible for your children's appointments and hobbies, cleaning the house, doing the cooking and taking time off when your children are ill?


SillySallySingsSongs · 04/11/2018 12:08

Men on the whole irritate me, but especially old, white men. They think they have a God given-right to tell everyone else what to do and they think they are better than everyone else.

Nothing like a bit of OTT stereotyping is there Hmm


SeeTwoTo · 04/11/2018 12:10

Golden Pom Bear broaches. Bear will be rolling it's eyes for added pleasure and knowing glances.

The rolling eyes are what makes it windygallows. Isn’t everything better when we pull together?

Is the word broaches or brooches? I’ve never been given a job over my very limited abilities so I’m not sure.Smile



rampantbull · 04/11/2018 12:11

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SeeTwoTo · 04/11/2018 12:12

Is anyone on Twitter? Fancy sharing this thread with Tatty Devine?


Camomila · 04/11/2018 12:14

I think/hope that this is getting better/a generational thing.

I’m 30 so a bit younger but amongst my peers (late 20s to early 40s) I can only thing of 3 husbands like that (and even then the DW all work) the rest of us I think are pretty fair - I know a few couples who took shared parental leave, or husbands who dropped to a 4 day week etc.
DH works more than me but he’s the one that emails/pays nursery (I do doctors and dentist) so our DC admin is split evenly.


confussssed · 04/11/2018 12:17

i find it interesting how you know the domestic lives of people in senior places at you're organisation. i have no idea where i work whether they are married or not have children or not? its none of my business and my homelife is none of theres. anyway i can honestly say i dont experience what you do at work maybe im an exception.


MissBartlettsconscience · 04/11/2018 12:18

It is much much easier to be visible (which does not equal competent) if you have no other responsibilities.

People who are visible are more likely to be noticed by senior management and get promoted off the back of it even if they're not actually very good at the job.

Presenteeism still matters an awful lot in this country, although I think it is changing as fewer couples can afford to have a sahp.


confussssed · 04/11/2018 12:19

Men on the whole irritate me, but especially old, white men. They think they have a God given-right to tell everyone else what to do and they think they are better than everyone else. I'm so happy I'm single. I could never live with a man. My work team is nearly all women, thankfully. can anyone explain why this isnt a racist and sexist comment


HurrahMoaningMyrtle · 04/11/2018 12:19

You've described my FIL perfectly.

My DH fits the mould, white middle class with a SAHW to take the strain (


DistanceCall · 04/11/2018 12:22

Well, for every man who is the way you describe, there is a woman who is happy not to work and stay at home, taking care of the kids and the house, so that her husband can make lots of money and keep her in style.

And presumably for every man this way, there was a mother who brought up her son to be entitled and find a woman who was just like her in this regard.

So it's not just down to men.

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