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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not put the heating on for this?!

327 replies

jiroej · 04/11/2018 09:54

I feel the cold, and we have had the heating on a few times on chilly evenings this year. However, we live in a well insulated flat, and it's still relatively mild in the south east.

I haven't put the timer on for the mornings yet as a) it's not that cold and b) we get up, get dressed, and go to work for 10 hours, so I feel it's a waste of money to heat up the place just to quickly leave. Once we start getting frosts though, we will put it on.

However, DP now wants to put the heating on for an hour every morning from now on, whatever the temperature, for one reason: to heat up his work shirt before putting it on. It's causing a lot of arguments, as he thinks it's worth paying for, whereas I think it's a pathetic and ridiculous reason to put the heating on before it's actually cold enough to.

He thinks I am BU, but I don't find it cold enough in the mornings to put the heating on and put our bills up. AIBU to keep pushing back and saying no? I know it's a sillt issue as the heating will be on in the mornings anyway in a few weeks, but right now it's an issue and I don't know if I'm being unfair or not?

OP posts:
Original poster
jiroej · 04/11/2018 17:37

@SuchAToDo But he isn't cold - he opens the windows, and sleeps shirtless because he gets too warm. He has admitted the only reason he wants the heating on is for the shirt, as his mum used to warm it up with a heating lamp.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 04/11/2018 17:40

Look op, just inform him you think you're the boss of him and not his partner. As such it's your decision and he has no say in his home. And you've decided he isn't permitted to put the heating on.

Good luck with that.

OhFlipMama · 04/11/2018 17:40

Heating is about consideration of all household members.

Nicknacky · 04/11/2018 17:46

Op, I sleep with no heating on and frequently with the window open. I get stuffy sleeping with the heating on in my bedroom but I like the rest of my home warm especially when I get out a shower.

My bathroom is in an extension and is chilly, I hate that.

He is allowed to feel cold!

Original poster
jiroej · 04/11/2018 17:47

Yes, and I feel the cold when he opens the windows, but I have to put up with it.

OP posts:
BatsAreCool · 04/11/2018 17:48

But he isn't cold - he opens the windows, and sleeps shirtless because he gets too warm.

I sleep in a tshirt as I am cold in bed but my DH prefers a fan on to have air flowing but a blanket so he doesn't get cold. We are all different and have different needs. How you sleep has nothing to do with how you feel getting up and getting dressed in the morning. And I feel the cold when the house is 19 degrees and refuse to sit in my house with gloves on so yes the heating is put on in the morning so it is 20 degrees. If you are keeping your house at 17 degrees I would have divorced you by now.

I still think YABU even with your updates as you don't get to dictate whether someone else can put the heating on in November for an hour in the morning unless you were both on your bare arse money wise.

TeddybearBaby · 04/11/2018 17:50

Me and my husband play the heating game all the time. I turn it on, he turns it off. We play this silent game with neither of us acknowledging it 😂.

It’s tricky when one person is cold and one not (even though you say he’s not cold). There must be a compromise somewhere. Turn all the radiators off apart from one for half an hour in the morning for the shirt or something.

Good luck!!

Nousernameforme · 04/11/2018 17:52

If you are on a key meter and paying over the odds for your energy then yanbu. But otherwise it's not something I would be fighting over

Noodella18 · 04/11/2018 17:54

Warm the shirt with a hairdryer instead.

PiggeryPorcombe · 04/11/2018 17:55

Dear Lord I’d be miserable in a home where a) 17 degrees was considered warm or b) my dp thought they could stop me having the heating on. Wtf.

SuchAToDo · 04/11/2018 18:01

Yes, and I feel the cold when he opens the windows, but I have to put up with it.

So you admit your home gets cold at night ....op if you really did feel cold -and wasn't just saying it to try and deflect away from being controlling over the heating- then why wouldn't you want the heating on for an hour in the morning?

PiggeryPorcombe · 04/11/2018 18:02

It won’t take an hour of heating to warm up a shirt anyway. About ten mins and the radiator would be warm surely?

GreenTulips · 04/11/2018 18:03

if he is cold he should be able to put the heating on in his own home without you getting controlling...

Or he could shut the bloody window

PersianCatLady · 04/11/2018 18:17

Is there any love or happiness in your relationship at all?

PersianCatLady · 04/11/2018 18:21

I am currently sat in my house (warmed to 24) without sleeves because j find wearing sleeves irritates the hell out of me.

My mother would tell me to turn the heating down and wear a jumper but I would be uncomfortable wearing one.

I would not be able to live with somebody who forced me to feel uncomfortable just to save a few pounds.

tiggerkid · 04/11/2018 18:32

The ONLY reason he wants the heating on right now is for the shirt - his mum used to warm them up for him and he's used to it

The reason why he wants the heating on is entirely irrelevant. We all have something we are used to and this is obviously one of his things.

To be honest, I also like the bedroom quite cool for sleeping but I don't like getting out of bed in the morning when it's cold. The fact that he opens windows at night when you are cold is equally selfish, so it seems to me that you are both not really that willing to consider each other's comfort and wishes. If that's the case, good luck... and not just with the heating debate.

placemats · 04/11/2018 18:34

What are you going to do when the fuel runs out PersianCatLady?

I do hope that fracking for gas takes place near where you live. (hint: It probably will).

PersianCatLady · 04/11/2018 18:46

placements
So me heating the downstairs of my small home is going to cause the fuel to run out?

Will my ADHD and autistic tendencies run out too?

Will I finally be able to wear sleeves without getting so irritated that I can't think?

Dieu · 04/11/2018 18:48

I would find it very, very hard to get worked up about this.

cushioncovers · 04/11/2018 18:49

It's winter put the heating on ffs

Seren96 · 04/11/2018 18:50

Is this a serious question? You can't control if someone else feels cold or not - just because you don't feel cold ?!

Bluntness100 · 04/11/2018 18:55

So you admit your home gets cold at night ....op if you really did feel cold -and wasn't just saying it to try and deflect away from being controlling over the heating- then why wouldn't you want the heating on for an hour in the morning?

Exactly, it's an illogical, statement. If she's cold why is she arguing so hard against putting the heating on.

And it is irrelevant why he wants the heating on. It's his home. He's an adult. He shouldn't have to ask permission , he's not some kid ask8ng mu.

I can't imagine having to live like this.

WorraLiberty · 04/11/2018 19:01

Nice touch - bringing his mum into it to try to get MNetters on your side Grin

SoyDora · 04/11/2018 19:01

Yes, and I feel the cold when he opens the windows, but I have to put up with it

Then you’ll both benefit from the heating being on in the morning, won’t you?

StoorieHoose · 04/11/2018 19:11

Your update has made me think if he wants the hearing on he needs to stop with the window being open all night. Compromise and all that