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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Niece has named her daughter the same name as my daughter.

309 replies

GreyEyed · 03/11/2018 20:39

My daughter was born 4 weeks ago (still in hospital) as she arrived premature. Niece gave birth yesterday morning and named her the same name (although I'm putting a long version on the BC). I'm a bit hurt tbh. AIBU?

OP posts:
Sparklerfizz · 03/11/2018 23:15

Off the point but you do own a name. It’s your name.
What you don’t have is exclusive ownership of it. Anyone else is free to also give that name to their child. And their child will own the name also.

To me this is more about two children, Born at the same time into the Same family, likely to have lots of contact with each other, why on earth would you want want them labelled and identified with the same name?
I don’t care if someone liked that name since they were a child. If a close relative had their baby a few weeks before you, and you hadn’t mentioned the name, it was a case of co-incidence, it is strange, rude and thoughtless to take that name and give it to your child.
I wouldn’t want my ds identified as the second version of anyone, which ultimately if the relatives are close in age this is what will happen.
In the ops circumstance, where her baby isn’t even home yet, it’s downright cruel of her Neice and I don’t know why family members haven’t stepped in and told her that her behaviour has been appalling.

chrisinthesun · 03/11/2018 23:18

@Psychobutt

Chrisinthesun have you have a few too many wines tonight by any chance?

No, I am teetotal.

YOU clearly have though! With the way you are ranting, and your nasty personal attacks against me.

Calling me drunk! Saying I will give myself brain damage. Hit a raw nerve did I? Officially lost the argument you have now my dear.

Time for beddie byes for you I think sweetie. Off you pop. You need some sleep now ... Smile

@witchesbritches

What’s she playing at? I’d be extremely pissed off and very hurt anyway, but with Dd in NN it’s even worse. I’m amazed none of your family said ‘Don’t be so stupid, you can’t be doing that!’ She knew you were calling DD that and didn’t speak to you...that’s just shitty. IF it had been a name she always wanted to use or is special to her DP she could have explained that...but she didn’t. She just announced it to everyone, while you’re in hospital with your DD. It’s bloody nasty.

Of FFS ... I rest my case. This thread is batshit!

WTF is wrong with people.

Grow up. All of you.

Hiding this bonkers thread now. Confused

Gemini69 · 03/11/2018 23:22

I love my 'real' name.. it's unusual.. it's rare and nobody ever remembers it.. and always misspell it haha but you know what... I don't mind because it's my name... GrinFlowers

TheDowagerCuntess · 03/11/2018 23:23

Wow. People sure get aerated over this. 

It's an odd thing to do, but as the person who bestowed the name first, it's not you people will be looking askance at.

JacintaJones · 03/11/2018 23:28

YANBU.

Bad form on your niece's part.
I'd be displeased too.

toherdoor · 03/11/2018 23:28

Congratulations op. Your baby is beautiful and I hope will be home with you soon.

Your niece sounds like a bitch. I'd be tempted to ask your mum to back off from inviting her every week.

GreenDinosaur · 03/11/2018 23:35

What with all the use of the word "butthurt" on this thread? 🧐
I've not come across that before, I guess I'm old.

tactum · 03/11/2018 23:43

Jeez. My daughter has the same middle name as her older by 3 years cousin (my brother's daughter). I checked with all concerned it wasn't a problem and it definitely wasn't - now 15 years later it is seen as being a lovely family thing. Would not ever have had the same first name - completely stupid

MinecraftHolmes · 03/11/2018 23:46

I'm only seeing one "bonkers" thing here and it's not the people discussing family politics.

got butthurt - what a delightful turn of phrase Smile Hmm.

Vixxxy · 03/11/2018 23:56

This would not bother me at all..loads of people have the same names!

Ginger1982 · 04/11/2018 00:07

This is why you never tell folk the name!

Rebecca36 · 04/11/2018 00:09

I'm sorry GreyEyed.

Keep your daughter's name. You chose it and it's lovely. It's possible your niece just didn't think, I'm sure she didn't mean to upset you.

The other thing is, as the children grow they are bound to have nicknames/diminutives and it's most likely they will be different. For example: Rebecca - Becky or Bex.

You have enough to be concerned about right now, never mind a name.

AutumnEvenings · 04/11/2018 00:16

It is the done thing in our family to use family names. On DH's side the firstborn boy had to be called Daniel, but we rejected this and picked our own name, because we didn't want our son to have the same name as his older male cousins. We used DH's name as a second name. People got offended by this, but it was our choice.

Our daughter is called after a cousin of mine who died in infancy. We both liked the name and no-one got upset. My sister was called after another slightly older cousin who also died in infancy, I was called after two aunts, one on each side of the family.

My mother later confided that she would like to have chosen a name not used before in the family. When I asked her what it was she said "Tracey".

No offence to anyone called Tracey, but I am equally happy to have a name which has been passed down the generations.

BinkyandBunty · 04/11/2018 00:20

Love notdaddycool's idea.

I would start calling her baby (for example) Tilly Jnr or, even better, Tilly 2 every single time, until it catches on with the rest of the family.

AutumnEvenings · 04/11/2018 00:20

*Rebecca36

My daughter has a friend called Jecky. Apparently she is Rebecca, nicknamed Becky, then evolved to Jecky by friends at school and family.

Daughter is Helena and now known to everyone as Heli. As parents we are the only people who use her actual name.

Suresurelah · 04/11/2018 00:25

It would really piss me off. Especially as she knew what you wanted and have called your Dd.

Is there some sort of rivalry (on her part)?

IMO, l would change her name. If you see each other all the time, share a surname then the children will most likely go to the same school.

HauntedPencil · 04/11/2018 00:31

I think it's understandable you'd be a bit suprised/upset OP.

I'd chose a different name to someone close but as you can see a lot of people don't have an issue with if so maybe it just didn't register to her that it would be a problem.

I would just stick with the shortening you like, it won't really be a huge issue over time.

KittensAndCake · 04/11/2018 00:41

I would start calling her baby (for example) Tilly Jnr or, even better, Tilly 2 every single time, until it catches on with the rest of the family.

Tilly Mark II even better 😉

timeisnotaline · 04/11/2018 00:42

The names wouldn’t bother me, my brother is the same name as my cousin and there are multiple repeats of other names. But I can see that with your dd still in hospital and you obviously having recently given birth things would be hard and it’s easy to get emotional about things. Could you think of some way to tell your mum you felt your baby was being forgotten a little because there was another very healthy little baby not in hospital to cuddle? And add other baby is even a Jessica too! (Not Jessica obviously).

Italiangreyhound · 04/11/2018 00:45

I have an aunt and a cousin with the same name (not mother and daughter) and another cousin with the same name as my dad. My boss named his child the same name as I did, although his child was born first I know I picked the name before his child was born! It happens.

I think I'd choose to either be flattered or to not care, but not to be upset.

Two fabulous new babies, please do not waste this time feeling upset.

Italiangreyhound · 04/11/2018 00:50

GreyEyed

"I know I can change her name but she is in hospital and everyone knows her as her name now, it just is her name. We had the name from when we found out her sex. I appreciate that is my own choice though."

Please do not change it unless you really want to.

The fact you feel so upset does suggest it is a bit the hormones talking.

You are not being unreasonable to feel upset, at all. But please don't give it too much thought.

Your babies will be their own people with the same names, loads of kids share names and honestly for me when I meet other women with my name I love it, it's like a little club, I never feel bad. Thanks

AllTakenSoRubbishUsername · 04/11/2018 01:20

Maybe she'd already named the baby before it was born and before she knew about yours?

Gemini69 · 04/11/2018 01:27

When the family asked her about names she always said she just wasn't sure yet

as OP has stated countless times NOW...... read above... Hmm

Faroutbrussel · 04/11/2018 01:28

If her baby was due first I wonder if it was her intention to call her baby your chosen name all along and then when your DD was born prematurely she still went ahead with it. I do think it's a bit weird and I would have expected other family members to express surprise when she announced it.

Hope your baby is out of hospital soon and congratulations!

Amanduh · 04/11/2018 01:33

Yanbu, it’s weird

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