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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Has my DP been stealing my electricity?

282 replies

Rugpulledfromunderme8 · 03/11/2018 13:19

This is my first post after much lurking and it might be a bit outing but sod it, frankly. Apologies if this is a bit long.
So, I've been with my (now-ex) DP for nearly four years and he lives in the flat above me (which is how me met).
He's been living with me with a view to selling his place and we were going to buy somewhere together.
We've had a few rows along the way but generally been living together ok for about two and a half years.
So, the past few mornings I've noticed that a double socket in the spare bedroom has been switched on. (With nothing plugged in) I work during the day and he's doing his flat up, so he's at home during the day.
Thought nothing of it, I plug my hairdryer into the neighbouring socket and thought I'd knocked it. Until today, when the alarm clock was flashing and plugged into the 'wrong' socket - indicating that it had been unplugged and plugged back in again. A long extension cable was under the bed. (the kind that wraps around a wheel type device, so really, really long)
I shouted through the bathroom door to ask what he'd been using the socket for. No answer. Then he laughed and said he was listening to the clock radio on the alarm (so obviously not true, who sits in a spare room listening to a clock radio?!)
Basically he refused to tell me what he'd been doing. Said I'd imagined it, it was me, he'd done nothing. I got so angry because it's blatantly obvious he's been using the socket for something and he won't tell me. I can't begin to imagine what he's been doing and why he won't tell me.
So I clearly can't trust him in my flat can I? I've asked him to move out.
He says I'm being unreasonable, clearly don't trust him and 'shouldn't' be living with someone when 'I'm not the sort to trust anyone in my house.'
Wtf? I'm shell shocked. AIBU? What has he been doing?

OP posts:
Grimbles · 03/11/2018 16:51

he decided to really take the piss and save on having to pay for electricity in his own flat, at her expense.

I'm still not sure how so many are getting to this conclusion on the basis of a clock radio being plugged into the wrong socket!

Conseulabananahammock · 03/11/2018 16:52

🤣🤣🤣🤣 ffs

sweeneytoddsrazor · 03/11/2018 16:52

But he might not actually been lying, he gave a perfectly plausible reason, which the op chose not to believe. The extension lead wasnt plugged in, the radio was in the wrong socket, and he said he was listening to the radio in a different room.

Grimbles · 03/11/2018 16:53

So lying about stupid things when asked a simple question isn't a good sign.

But there's no evidence to say he lied, if anything it points to him telling the truth!

TrippingTheVelvet · 03/11/2018 16:54

I can't wait to show this thread to DW next time she thinks I'm kicking off about something petty Grin

GabsAlot · 03/11/2018 17:09

i better leave myself then ive never paid for electric here

Hadenoughofallthis · 03/11/2018 17:12

Grimbles, You don't have to be Miss Marple to work out that it indicates someone has been using the socket (and then denying it).

sweeneytoddsrazor · 03/11/2018 17:18

@Hadenoughofallthis. He never denied it. He said he listened to the clock radio in the other room. The clock radio was plugged into the wrong socket. How does this indicate anything other than he moved it an put it back in the wrong place.

Nicknacky · 03/11/2018 17:19

In all the years I have been on this site, this has to be the nuttiest thread I have ever read.

Well done, op, that’s quite an achievement.

Jaxhog · 03/11/2018 17:20

He refuses to tell me what he has been using it for.
If I saw a great big cable running from one of my house sockets, I'd ask what is was for. Perfectly reasonable. If he won't tell you, then he's hiding something! If he thought it was ok, then why not just ask? Or tell you?

Change the locks and only let him back in to (perhaps) use the bathroom - when you're there (and its convenient). It sounds to me like he's been using you as a temporary hotel while he does up his flat. A Hotel room with benefits at that.

Jaxhog · 03/11/2018 17:20

A temporary FREE hotel room!

Hadenoughofallthis · 03/11/2018 17:26

SweenyTodd, Why would he move it from the Left hand socket to the right hand of a double? And what's the extension cable for?

Quite possibly there's a rational explanation for it, but the OP clearly thinks he's acting oddly.

slashlover · 03/11/2018 17:33

If I saw a great big cable running from one of my house sockets, I'd ask what is was for. Perfectly reasonable.

It was under the bed though.

OP, is there any chance the cable has been under the bed for a while and he's just forgotten it was there?

Mitzimaybe · 03/11/2018 17:34

OP I totally understand you. He is LYING to you and GASLIGHTING you trying to make you think you are imagining things.

With a giant extension lead (hidden under the bed where he thought OP wouldn't see it) I'd say the circumstantial evidence is pretty clear that he has been running your electricity to his flat. If he's been charging power tools and possibly heaters too then it might not be a few pence, it could be considerably more.

The thing is, if he'd have mentioned it, asked the OP if it was OK, then she'd probably have said yes. If he was a decent human being he would also have offered to contribute towards her electricity bill. But he didn't ask, and flatly denied it when she asked him.

I couldn't live with the dishonesty. To say nothing of him contributing nothing whatsoever to your bills for the whole time he's been living there.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 03/11/2018 17:36

I think he's probably turned the electricity off in his flat to do rewiring or change socket covers. He probably had to then use yours. It's weird that he wouldn't answer you though.
Also odd imo for him to live with you for 2 years and contribute nothing. He isn't going to be paying many bills for an empty flat, so ought to have been paying his way in yours.
Him selling his flat isn't to your benefit, since it's his - all you've had is another person's bill for 2 years.

Rugpulledfromunderme8 · 03/11/2018 17:39

The cable has only appeared in the past few days. Thanks @Mitzimaybe, you're absolutely right. That's exactly it. If he'd asked I wouldn't have had a problem (but expected him to contribute a bit)

OP posts:
sweeneytoddsrazor · 03/11/2018 17:55

@Hadenoughofallthis, if the sockets are side by side and both empty what difference does which of the 2 sockets used make. He moved the radio to listen in another room brought it back and plugged it back in. If somebody wanted to steal electric without getting caught would they use an empty socket or unplug something use an extension lead, unplug that and then plug the clock back in?

ShinyMe · 03/11/2018 17:59

But why would you expect him to contribute a bit towards electricity he uses to do up a flat that he is planning to sell to allow you to buy a place together, but not expect him to contribute a bit towards electricity he uses to live day to day?

Rugpulledfromunderme8 · 03/11/2018 18:04

@ShinyMe Because he doesn't really use much 'extra' electricity in my flat IYSWIM. Just a shower really. The rest of the time he's usually only there in the evenings and weekends when I've got lights/tv on.

OP posts:
Willow2017 · 03/11/2018 18:05

If he is 'working' on the flat all day (not doing very much as its still.bare walls after 2.5 yrs) h
will be using electric light, tools and possibly heating.

Why us it ok for him to use ops electric for this then lie about it?

Lets be honest, out of all the comfy rooms in a flat he choses to sit in the spare room to listen to the radio and buys an extention cable for this? Yeah right.

He is living rent free, doing fuck all to his flat, why should he bother while he is living rent free, and gaslighting op as well. I would have had enough too if after 4yrs he couldnt tell the truth to a simple question and tried to turn it round onto me.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 03/11/2018 18:14

So what is he doing now OP? Is he out or upstairs in the dark?

Celestia26 · 03/11/2018 18:15

OP I don't know why you are getting such a hard time on this!

If I'm correct:

  • You are no longer in a relationship with this man.
  • You are paying all the bills with no contribution from him.
  • He is renovating his flat whilst staying with you, and will sell the flat with all profits benefiting him.
  • He is most likely using your electricity to charge his power tools rather than charging them in his own flat (who would pay for electricity for a flat they weren't living in? No one!)?).
  • He is gaslighting you when you ask him why a huge extension cable is plugged in (who needs an extension for a radio?!!!!).

YANBU. I think other posters are being very harsh.

Kick him out, or make him contribute to the bills!!!

CS12345 · 03/11/2018 18:16

I have never read a thread where so many people fail to grasp the issue at hand. I totally understand you op and think he's a cheeky fucker of the highest order. Good riddance to him. Let him doss down in his own flat. Oh and never let a man ponce off you again.

Witchesbritches · 03/11/2018 18:20

The extension lead was under the bed, ‘hidden’ is a bit of a red herring. People put all kinds of things under the bed out of the way. I HATE anything under the bed, but currently I have tiles, a door, 10 litres of paint, grout etc because the bathroom is being renovated and it’s out of the way there, it’s not ‘hidden’.

If DH asked why something but was in x place, I’d tell him.
If DH questioned me accusingly about why something was in x place, I’d give him ‘the look’.

There’s a big difference.

Rugpulledfromunderme8 · 03/11/2018 18:21

Thank you @CS12345 and @Celestia26. Your summing up is correct. And I have kicked him out. The fact that he was clearly lying to me was the killer. There's no trust now. Game over

OP posts: