Who is BU me or DP?

[Linziepie]

I have been up since 2:30am with 10 week old baby. I sleep in the spare room every night with baby as DP can't stand to be woken up (shitty, cold room, uncomfortable single bed but put up with it).

DP goes to toilet at 6:00 and I tell him I have been up all night with her. He is nice and picks her up for a bit but won't settle so I take her back and he goes back to bed.
At 7:15 I give up and go downstairs. I put baby in her chair in front of a baby sensory video which normally settles her for around 15mins. After two mins the tv goes on mute by itself. I unmute it and it keeps happening. Think TV is broken, baby starts whinging and I start messing with tv to try to fix it. Then volume goes down. It clicks that DP must somehow be controlling it. Text him and he says he has app on his phone and that its too loud.

I didn't know he had this app until then. I call him selfish after knowing I had been up all night to do that and he should have just text me to turn it down. He says I am selfish for having it on so loud and keeping him awake (he is off today and slept all night).

It wasn't loud, normal volume and its just a calming, xylophone noise (no singing) but
if he had asked me I would have turned it down instead of making think the TV had broken and let baby start whinging.

Who is BU?

Him. After a full nights sleep he should be downstairs with your baby so you can sleep. 🌷

I'd be fuming op! How dare he.

He is.

What a wanker. You’ve got a little baby and you’re in the spare room?

Then he decides to be weird and have an app like that?

He’s a dick.

He is. This brings back memories of my ex. He was (still is but I at least have limited contact with him now and DC can tell me about his behaviour) an abusive, selfish dick.

Why is it he not sleeping in the spare room whilst you and baby are in your room? Are you EBF or can be just not be arsed to help out at night? Is he actually worth being with?

He’s definitely a knob.. but also if you are putting your baby to sleep in a room that’s too cold and then feeling that when you go in there then I suggest you take steps to warm it up for you both and do whatever you need to do to make the bed comfy if that’s where you’ll mostly be for a while.

It’s so hard but it passes.

I would have turned it up not down!!!! He has been asleep all night, he should be doing his share of night time care when he isn't working in the morning!
Does he do any childcare?
I couldn't live with a man like that!

He is. And why can’t he go and sleep in the spare room?

Him!!! What a w**r!!

Ok, he needs to be in the spare room, not you. You and baby in the double room.

Why are you even in separate rooms if he's not working today??

Why is he not up with the baby now so you can get some sleep?

This man is beyond selfish!! You need to tell him this is not on!

He is. Big time.

I'd be going up to the bedroom and tell him to get his arse out of bed and that I was going back to sleep. Honestly don't let him treat you like this, don't back down!

He is
He should be in the spare room. What else does he have app control for in your house that you don't know about?

What sort of man leaves his wife and baby to sleep in a cold room?

Him, no question, a•••hole

That's controlling in my book. I'd put something else on extra loud so he gets to understand that he can't control. But that may not be the best approach if he's otherwise OK 😉

Why isn't he the one in the spare room?

Omg, I would be apoplectic!! Cheeky wanker. You t(twatting) p is being a horror.

He is! What an absolute arsehole. He should be up with the baby so you can sleep. He is very selfish. I'd be going up to the bedroom, waking him up and telling him exactly what I think of him.

He is being an unreasonable wanker and needs to pull his finger out his arse and parent. He's a cockwomble.

He WHAT??
First thing, he moves into spare room and you and baby get the bedroom. If he 'can't sleep' because you're trying to settle the baby, he gets his arse out of bed and helps. He does not make your life more difficult. This is honestly one of the most selfish behaviours I've read on MN.

He is being unreasonable on so many levels I am surprised you are questioning it

He is unreasonable for making you sleep in the spare room

I read it thinking you were going to ask about him going back to bed (he was unreasonable there)

But the volume app - that is a whole other level and into controlling

The fact that you have to ask speaks volumes about your relationship and its not good

You get in the main bed tonight with your baby and tell the selfish twat to sleep in the cold, draughty spare room. I'd tell his mum that he makes you sleep in a cold room with her grandchild. Actually I'd tell everyone, selfish shits like that are more bothered about how they are seen by others than their own partner. Name and shame the selfish twat.

Have you got spotify? Get it on as loud as you can right outside his door the selfish prick.

Echo what others have said; HE should be in the spare room not you & baby. As for baby not settling so handing back to you, tell him to grow up. That is something all parents have to deal with!

He is. Basically everything you've said he does is wrong, but the volume control thing is really creepy. Who on earth would think that's ok? What a dick.

1. He's off today but you are the one doing all the settling. What the what now? Why are you letting that stand?

1. He doesn't like to be disturbed at night so you have been banished to the shit room so you doing ALL the night time work doesn't disturb him. Again, what the fuck. The main room is for you and the baby. If he wants to shirk childcare and you are willing to tolerate that for some reason then he can sleep in the spare room.

1. Put the TV on max volume. How fucking dare he lie in bed and mess with you because you doing all the work was disturbing his lie in. Cheeky cheeky fucker. No fucking lie in for you now you cheeky bastard.

1. Why have you annointed him king of the world? Are you scared of him?