Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is BU me or DP?

112 replies

Linziepie · 03/11/2018 08:21

I have been up since 2:30am with 10 week old baby. I sleep in the spare room every night with baby as DP can't stand to be woken up (shitty, cold room, uncomfortable single bed but put up with it).

DP goes to toilet at 6:00 and I tell him I have been up all night with her. He is nice and picks her up for a bit but won't settle so I take her back and he goes back to bed.
At 7:15 I give up and go downstairs. I put baby in her chair in front of a baby sensory video which normally settles her for around 15mins. After two mins the tv goes on mute by itself. I unmute it and it keeps happening. Think TV is broken, baby starts whinging and I start messing with tv to try to fix it. Then volume goes down. It clicks that DP must somehow be controlling it. Text him and he says he has app on his phone and that its too loud.

I didn't know he had this app until then. I call him selfish after knowing I had been up all night to do that and he should have just text me to turn it down. He says I am selfish for having it on so loud and keeping him awake (he is off today and slept all night).

It wasn't loud, normal volume and its just a calming, xylophone noise (no singing) but
if he had asked me I would have turned it down instead of making think the TV had broken and let baby start whinging.

Who is BU?

OP posts:
Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 03/11/2018 09:11

He needs to step up and be a dad!!

It's awful that you are alone in that spare room taking in the responsibilities both day and night. It's his day off work, not day off being a dad.

pictish · 03/11/2018 09:12

It’s him. He’s an absolute wanker. Sorry.

He’d not last a day being partnered up with me. I’d go through the selfish twatbag like a hurricane.

I would rather be alone than be regarded like an underling that must carry out his self-centred bidding. The spare room? Fucking really?? What a cock.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 03/11/2018 09:12

Also, that room isn't good for baby. If it's too cold for you then no wonder the poor thing can't settle. Bring them into your warm room. If he has a problem he can go in the cold room.

TulipsInBloom1 · 03/11/2018 09:14

What a horrible mean little man.

NoSquirrels · 03/11/2018 09:16

His argument was why should he be uncomfortable/not sleep when he has to be at work the next day.

What an arse. If he wants a full night’s sleep he needs to go in the spare room - but a mattress topper, use more blankets etc. He can “get used to it”.

ScrommidgeClaryAndSpunt · 03/11/2018 09:16

Bloody hell, OP, what an eejit. Poor wickle diddums, having his sleepy-weepy disturbed. Sob whimper snivel.

The correct way to deal with this, of course, is a large bucket filled with iced water, thrown over him with some force.

Utterly boils my piss when other blokes behave like this. Man the fuck up and parent your children.

billybagpuss · 03/11/2018 09:19

He's had a full night sleep so how on earth are you the selfish one?

Agree with PP, if the spare room is cold that may have been keeping baby awake.

CottonTailRabbit · 03/11/2018 09:19

How did this play out:

I agree that he should be in the spare room and we argued over this before I moved into it. His argument was why should he be uncomfortable/not sleep when he has to be at work the next day. I am used to it now anyway.

I don't see how that scenario led to you physically moving out of the room. You disgreed on who should move out. That should result in neither of you budging. But somehow words he said resulted in you moving yourself and your baby physically elsewhere against your own wishes and against common sense. Which again makes me wonder if you are afraid of saying no to him.

Today's carry on means it is exactly the right moment to move back into the comfy room without fanfare and if he doesn't like being disturbed he can go to the spare room like any normal man.

How often do you go against his wishes? You know deliberately and unapologetically do something you want that he doesn't like or prefers an alternative? Even simple things like what's for dinner, what's on TV, going out with mates, having an afternoon nap.

iamloading · 03/11/2018 09:20

I have an 11 week old baby that is EBF. My DH is currently sleeping in the spare room as he stayed up with her until 3am just bringing her to me for feeds so I could get some sleep. He does this routine every weekend when not at work. He wouldn't dream of making the two of us sleep in a cold nasty room, and is constantly asking what more he can do to help. He can also get a bit grumpy as he has type 1 diabetes and the lack of sleep affects his blood sugars, but to him the baby and I are the most important and he ensures that we get a min of 6 hours sleep a night. Your DH sounds horrendous- I'm so sorry x

1MillionSelfiesTakenByMyKids · 03/11/2018 09:21

Having done childcare on almost no sleep and full time work on almost no sleep i can tell you that going off to work is 100% easier to do on little sleep than full timr childcare is. Unless him being tired isd literally putting lives at risk (HGV driver for eg) then hr doesn't get to pull this shit. Take back your bed.

pictish · 03/11/2018 09:22

I’m raging about this as well. Reasonable people like OP get gradually ground down by twats like her dp, till they find themselves in a preposterous situation to their detriment and it is deemed as acceptable!

If, when they first got together, this arsehole had turned to the OP and said, “My sleep is sacred, so if we ever have a baby, you’ll be in the spare room while I have the bed. You will also endeavour to preserve silence while I sleep so I am not disturbed. Like it or lump it.”

The OP would have run for the hills and quite rightly. Reasonable people tend to compromise and consider others. It’s a shame when they are taken advantage of by selfish cunts.

TheMythOfFingerprints · 03/11/2018 09:27

Even if it was fair that he got the comfy bed when he has work the next day (it's really fucking not btw) surely by his own logic, you should then have it at the weekend?

And as for him going for a fucking bath when you've been up since 2.30am...

He is an absolute cunt op.

ohfourfoxache · 03/11/2018 09:28

He’s up now. Give him the baby and go to bed

diddl · 03/11/2018 09:28

Where to even start???

So he gets as much undisturbed sleep as he wants in the more comfortable bed in a warm room?

I'm thinking that if he was upstairs in bed (with the door closed?) then the tv was loud.

But the app???

That's creepy!

Mix56 · 03/11/2018 09:30

I would have deposited baby on his sleeping beauty bed, & gone to take a bath.
Plus his phone would probably been out the window.
How DARE he ?
No one likes to be deprived of sleep, including you, he should share the night shift on the w/e at least. Tosser

BunsOfAnarchy · 03/11/2018 09:34

Wtf?!
I have banished DH to the very uncomfortable sofa downstairs many a time, him willingly, so i can bf baby during night and co sleep if needed. He works 14 hours. He wakes at 4:30am. There is no way in hell he would ever expect to have the master bed alone for his full night of sleep.

Im just disgusted by your DP. You and baby should be in your bedroom. This shit needs to end now.

Howhot · 03/11/2018 09:34

I think after a night of little sleep that would tip me over the edge. What a nob.
I'm sorry but he has a child now, he's gonna have to get over the fact they wake up in the night! Nobody likes it! He's being incredibly selfish. Get yourself up to bed after their bath

clockworklime · 03/11/2018 09:35

He does help out with baby in daytime

Aw. That’s nice of him, to “help out”.

Aaaahfuck · 03/11/2018 09:36

The volume control thing is really strange. He sounds selfish. He should be in the spare room too.

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 03/11/2018 09:37

He's not lovely at all, he's a selfish idiot who thinks nothing about his life should change upon becoming a father because it's your job to meet all your child's needs because he earns the money. That's what he thinks, that's what he's telling you and you're blindly going along with it.

Sorry Linziepie but you must have really low expectations if you think can't stand to be woken is an acceptable reason for you and your newborn to move into the crappy spare room! So he works, so what? He thinks that means he can lie in despite knowing you've barely slept? Not only that but he feels entitled to stop you using something that will help settle the baby because it's disturbing him, knowing this leaves you to struggle on with her?

He's being a fucking asshole and this is the point where you need to stamp your foot and insist on some big changes. His life has changed because he's a father now. He needs to get on board with it.

StoppinBy · 03/11/2018 09:37

I think at the exact point I realised that he was turning the volume down because it was 'disturbing his sleep' I may well have marched in there and slapped him in the knackers to remind him where babies come from...…. what a dick Hmm

diddl · 03/11/2018 09:37

So if you & baby move back into your room Op, what will he do?

missperegrinespeculiar · 03/11/2018 09:38

why would you put up with this? I don't get it!

You better make it plain now that the baby is not your responsibility alone, he is in it 50-50, also you work, too, you look after the baby all day, you both need to sleep, he does not need it more because he works out of the house

This won't end well, your resentment will grow, it will ruin your relationship

IwantedtobeEmmaPeel · 03/11/2018 09:39

Do not have anymore children with this selfish arsehole. Start to see yourself as his equal and stop being so submissive and grateful for so little - you will need to work on this to avoid repeatedly being treated as less than him and your needs completely disregarded.
Go up to the main bedroom, change sheets, give room quick clean and take back ownership. If he doesn't like having his sleep disturbed (who does?) HE can fuck off to the spare room.

Bobbybear10 · 03/11/2018 09:40

Time to man up OP!

Big girl pants on and start making your and your babies welfare the first priority.