Who is BU me or DP?

[Linziepie]

I have been up since 2:30am with 10 week old baby. I sleep in the spare room every night with baby as DP can't stand to be woken up (shitty, cold room, uncomfortable single bed but put up with it).

DP goes to toilet at 6:00 and I tell him I have been up all night with her. He is nice and picks her up for a bit but won't settle so I take her back and he goes back to bed.
At 7:15 I give up and go downstairs. I put baby in her chair in front of a baby sensory video which normally settles her for around 15mins. After two mins the tv goes on mute by itself. I unmute it and it keeps happening. Think TV is broken, baby starts whinging and I start messing with tv to try to fix it. Then volume goes down. It clicks that DP must somehow be controlling it. Text him and he says he has app on his phone and that its too loud.

I didn't know he had this app until then. I call him selfish after knowing I had been up all night to do that and he should have just text me to turn it down. He says I am selfish for having it on so loud and keeping him awake (he is off today and slept all night).

It wasn't loud, normal volume and its just a calming, xylophone noise (no singing) but
if he had asked me I would have turned it down instead of making think the TV had broken and let baby start whinging.

Who is BU?

I really don't understand why women put up with this sort of behaviour. And then describe their partners as lovely and awesome etc etc

I don't, either. What kind of a twat kicks a newborn baby and the mother of his child out of a warm room so he can sleep? He can't buy some earplugs and a white noise machine but he can lay in bed on the fucking phone muting the telly like a toddler.

But he's 'lovely' and 'helps out'. He's a cunt.

Oh my fucking god. I would go crazy living with such an absolute selfish prick. Why why why !

That's some of the most unreasonable behaviour (without being actually abusive) I've read on here for a while.

He should sleep in the spare room and get up at 6am with the baby every day. And you'll still be doing the majority of the hard work.

Completely agree with LannieDuck Don't be a doormat OP. It gets a lot harder with kids before it gets easier and if he's this selfish now, you're in for a bumpy ride.

You know, that first night of entirely broken sleep can come as a huge shock to the system,and it’s sometimes understandable that people take a little while to get into a pattern and where emotions run high. So I can e.g. see how you might have fallen into a cycle of his wanting a full night’s sleep and realising how hard that was when he first went back to work and your DD was first home, thus culminating in a place where you ended up in the spare room.

But your DD is ten weeks old now, and this is the weekend, and it appears that what has happened here is that he’s gone from feeling entitled to unbroken sleep on work nights to feeling entitled to unbroken sleep every night. And it’s not on.

So i would be taking back control now and telling him that you’ve done your stint in the spare room and that while he’s welcome to stay in the main room, if he doesn’t like the broken sleep he will be the one to move out into the cold room.

I would also tell him that on weekends it is you who gets the lie in, and not him.

I do actually understand how easy it can be to fall into the pattern of doing all the overnights. I did as my eXH commuted for work and had to be up early. Plus I was home, and if I’m honest, I always felt as if I should be the one to be there for DS, iyswim.

But the difference is that my eXH absolutely would have done the night feeds if it had come to that. And I had a fairly good sleeper so on the whole it wasn’t a major major issue for us.

But eXH did used to take DS out to the shops etc at weekends to give me a break, and if he was ill we both used to get up and see to him - ex would e.g.clear up and I would be with DS but we still were both up.

I can even see how a partner might struggle with the broken sleep, especially in the beginning. But anyone who actively takes steps to make themselves the priority and has expectations of their partner who is the one going through the broken sleep to make them priority as well is a selfish bastard.

Tell him you already have one child, your DD, his position as baby of the family has now been filled by an actual baby, so time for him to grow up.

*I really don't understand why women put up with this sort of behaviour. And then describe their partners as lovely and awesome etc etc

I don't, either. What kind of a twat kicks a newborn baby and the mother of his child out of a warm room so he can sleep? He can't buy some earplugs and a white noise machine but he can lay in bed on the fucking phone muting the telly like a toddler.

But he's 'lovely' and 'helps out'. He's a cunt.*

This

OP - you're nuts to let him treat you and your child so badly. Absolutely NUTS

I’m so sick of reading about these entitled fucking men. OP, if you’re still reading, I think you know what you need to do. And please make it clear that he does this to literally everyone you know. He is not lovely.

Why the hell are you in the uncomfortable cold room with the baby while he gets the double bed? Why doesn't he get up with her and put on the sensory show so you can sleep in? He really thinks he's king of the castle doesn't he?

Once he gets out his bath you TELL him he is looking after HIS DAUGHTER whilstnypu ho for a few hours sleep since you were up
All night. You also expect the tv to be muted too as that is the rule when someone is sleeping 🤷🏻‍♀️

Sounds like a class A dick to me! He's had a full nights sleep and made you and his baby sleep in a crap cold room with a single bed?

Seriously, let him know this isn't okay OP! You deserve some support

I don't understand why the baby and the person getting up for them get the cold room. The cold room should be for the person who doesn't have to get up at all during the night and can stay safely snuggled under the duvet.

YABU for allowing your baby to sleep
In a cold room