Who is BU me or DP?

[Linziepie]

I have been up since 2:30am with 10 week old baby. I sleep in the spare room every night with baby as DP can't stand to be woken up (shitty, cold room, uncomfortable single bed but put up with it).

DP goes to toilet at 6:00 and I tell him I have been up all night with her. He is nice and picks her up for a bit but won't settle so I take her back and he goes back to bed.
At 7:15 I give up and go downstairs. I put baby in her chair in front of a baby sensory video which normally settles her for around 15mins. After two mins the tv goes on mute by itself. I unmute it and it keeps happening. Think TV is broken, baby starts whinging and I start messing with tv to try to fix it. Then volume goes down. It clicks that DP must somehow be controlling it. Text him and he says he has app on his phone and that its too loud.

I didn't know he had this app until then. I call him selfish after knowing I had been up all night to do that and he should have just text me to turn it down. He says I am selfish for having it on so loud and keeping him awake (he is off today and slept all night).

It wasn't loud, normal volume and its just a calming, xylophone noise (no singing) but
if he had asked me I would have turned it down instead of making think the TV had broken and let baby start whinging.

Who is BU?

Jesus what is it with all the nasty men being horrible to their partners with newborns at the moment? Fucking wastes of space.

Thanks everyone. I agree that he should be in the spare room and we argued over this before I moved into it. His argument was why should he be uncomfortable/not sleep when he has to be at work the next day. I am used to it now anyway.

He is normally lovely and does help out with baby in daytime. He is just really grumpy when he is woken up. Baby is EBF so he can't do night feeds.

He has just been downstairs and still does not see that he was in the wrong. He thinks I should have had more consideration than to put the TV on loud. I can apologise for that but its the sneaky app thing that pissed me off.

He is getting a bath now and we normally put baby in with him at the end. Hope she does a massive poo on him.

Wtf? Go back to sleeping in your own bed. You should not be the one who moved out. By doing that you are giving the impression that you and the baby must not disturb him.

He is an arse.

What a horrible guy he sounds

as DP can't stand to be woken up

As of course, you just LOVE being up since 2.30, right?

Put baby in the bath with him and go back to your bed. You need to put your foot down and tell him what is happening from now on. Sleep in your own bed and when she wakes in the night and he complains tell him to move the fuck next door. You need to be stronger minded about this.

Outraged on your behalf.

He's a dick. Put your foot down! You're up with the baby, you deserve the comfy bed to enjoy for the little sleep you're managing to get!

Im sorry he just needs to realise that parenting is waking up and sometimes means needing to have the tv on

Dont apologise stand your ground on this one he needs to have a wake up call

He thinks I should have had more consideration

He thinks you should have more consideration? When he does not have ANY?

He's not usually lovely. This behaviour does not tally.

He doesn't get the comfy room, and no baby. What an utter arsehole.

You need to tell him that it's 50/50! It's a 24/7 responsibility for you both to share. You both need to rest when you can in equal measure. The weekends should be you both helping and taking it in turns but if you've been up all night the least he can do is give you a few hours of uninterrupted sleep. I hope you get some rest today and he sees how he needs to be more understanding xx

You need to sort this out OP.

• Person getting up with baby in the night gets the comfy bed!
• Person getting up with baby in the night gets the lie in!

Honestly, why are you being a mug putting up with this?

If my DH had this stinking attitude is either blare something annoying (baby shark comes to mind) or chuck some cold water over him. Possibly both

I think you are making excuses for him. Listen to what you are being told on here. A good man wouldn't have you in the spare room and wouldn't have had a go about the TV. I find it shocking even though I've been through it myself.

My ex pulled this kind of crap and far worse but told me I was wrong and back in those days I didn't know about MN.

I wish I had been able to reach out then and be told I wasn't in the wrong and that he was a selfish and frankly evil person. It would have made such a difference to me. Have a long think about things while he has the baby in the bath with him.

He is being an arse but you need to stand up for yourself.

*I would either

I echo what everyone else has said but wanted to comment on this “He is normally lovely and does help out with baby in daytime.“

He’s not lovely. He’s really not. He’s not helping you, he’s looking after his own baby. He’s had a full nights sleep, in a comfy bed and a lie in. Now he’s having a bath. And he’s still being an arse. Any reaction beyond abject gratitude makes him a total arsehole.

What the actual fuck?

Why are you putting up with this bullshit? I'm sorry, I know you've got a very small baby and are obviously knackered but FFS, come on! He is only acting like this because YOU are allowing it to happen.

Your partner is an absolute arsehole. At the very least you need to TELL him right now that you and baby are moving back into the main bedroom from tonight and if he doesn't like it then the spare room (that was clearly fine for you and baby) is available.

Please, please, make a stand now or he will continue to treat you like this.

Please don’t apologise! He’s breathtakingly selfish and it’s not cool. Most DHs would insist that their breastfeeding partner and new baby get the warm comfortable room. No?
Honestly he sounds like a complete dick head.

Yes he's behaved really shittily. He didn't even turn it down, he muted it. And he kept doing it. And he knew why you had it on, And the fact you sleep in thr spare room is awful.

I'd be having serious words. He's a selfish bastard.

He's being ridiculous. My dad (68 now) remembers getting up with me in the night - my mum BF but he would get up, change nappy, get me, bring me to Mum, get her a drink and go back to sleep. Repeat

Or you go to bed at say 7pm and he has baby until 11-12pm and then swap over so you all get some unbroken sleep

He is an arse. But you lost me at the bit that he had the baby then you took it back. I would have jumped straight in the big bed while he was doing the holding and leave the baby to him for a bit.

Why are you putting up with this? Your update reads like you're accepting what he's doing and are almost making excuses for him. You should be in the main bedroom, not him if he refuses to be a parent overnight. My dd is also ebf and at 10 weeks was awake all the time in the night but I stayed in the main bedroom with dh because he's not a complete knob. If I was up he'd get me a drink or change dd's nappy or resettle her after a feed because he is her parent the same as I am. You really need to explain to him how unreasonable he is or this will only get worse. Show him this thread so he realises, the arse-biscuit.

So this is where you hand baby back to him and go and have long nap, yes? He sounds like an utter selfish twat. He should be helping more at night and letting you have your bed. I'm furious on your behalf. Show him this thread and let him see what a cunt he is.l

He's a horrible person. He's not normally lovely as he thinks his needs are more important that yours and the baby which is why he insists you sleep elsewhere.

I get so sad when I read these posts where a woman is so ground down by dreadful behaviour she's stopped noticing how bad it is