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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hold out for more money

111 replies

inmyshoos · 03/11/2018 00:20

My exh moved in our old family home although when we split I signed it over to him with the understanding that when our ds who lives with him turns 18 we will look at him giving me what I'm due from the house.
I'm short of money now and tbh would like to be able to draw a line under this.

He has offered me 20k now as a full and final settlement and he waves right to anything of mine (like my pension, he doesn't have one) or i can wait at least another 8 years and if the house prices in area remain steady I should be due around 50k.

AIBU to hold out for more? He can't borrow anymore as only works pt because he has ds so if I want money now that's the offer but I'm due more.

OP posts:
Aintnothingbutaheartache · 03/11/2018 00:28

You made the agreement when you split. Now you’re not happy cos you are strapped for cash and wonder should you take 20k and walk away?
Are you going to rock ds’s world with this? Where is ex going to find the money from?
Sorry but lots of questions.

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 03/11/2018 00:30

Ps on a purely financial level, property is an investment
On an emotional level, why are you not with your boy?

Original poster
inmyshoos · 03/11/2018 00:30

Yes that's right.

Ex is borrowing the 20k but cant borrow anymore and reckons if I'm getting my 'settlement' 8 years early then i should realise it will be 'significantly" less than if I wait.

OP posts:
Aintnothingbutaheartache · 03/11/2018 00:31

I think he has a point tbh

Original poster
inmyshoos · 03/11/2018 00:32

Would you settle for the 20k then?

OP posts:
Aintnothingbutaheartache · 03/11/2018 00:33

Well, it depends on how desperate you are for cash now. 20k is a lot of money but 50k is a lot more.

Petitepamplemousse · 03/11/2018 00:33

YABU!

BritInUS1 · 03/11/2018 00:34

I think he's got a point too. You are going back on the agreement.

Are there other options? Can you borrow the money you need from somewhere? What do you need the money for now?

HeddaGarbled · 03/11/2018 00:35

I don’t understand what you expect him to do? Wave his magic wand and produce money he doesn’t have and can’t get?

Musicalstatues · 03/11/2018 00:35

He’s being perfectly fair - you are the one changing the terms of your agreement.

Original poster
inmyshoos · 03/11/2018 00:38

I was under a great deal of stress when we made the agreement at the time of separation. Made without legal advice because we didn't have any money.
I need the money to move on with my life, he is sitting comfortably in the family home.

OP posts:
user139328237 · 03/11/2018 00:40

The divorce settlement seems to have favoured you massively anyway unless the house is worth at least £1,000,000 for you to get any equity but keep your pension considering he scarified his career to look after your child and has no pension of his own.

HeddaGarbled · 03/11/2018 00:42

You want him to sell the house?

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 03/11/2018 00:44

The choice seems simple. Would 20k sort you out? If you’re not prepared to wait 8 years then I’d say take it.
Am I right in thinking your son is 10yo?

Original poster
inmyshoos · 03/11/2018 00:44

He will have a home worth about 250k and only has a small mortgage on it.

I will have a pension but I only worked p/t up until 3 years ago so it will be small.

OP posts:
Original poster
inmyshoos · 03/11/2018 00:45

Yes ds is 10

OP posts:
Aintnothingbutaheartache · 03/11/2018 00:47

Is it totally unreasonable for you to wait 8 years? That said, what happens then? Would he have to sell the house to give you your money ? What about your son?

user139328237 · 03/11/2018 00:48

Do you pay him a reasonable amount of maintenance?
Remember that he could insist on sticking to the original agreement so he's got by far the stronger hand in this situation and it'd be rather vile for a mother to make their child (who they don't even live with) homeless.

Original poster
inmyshoos · 03/11/2018 00:53

Yes paying maintenance is part of the issue making it hard to move on as I have no money left at end of month.

I can't force the sale of the house as it's in his name now as I signed it over so I could get a new mortgage when we split.

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 03/11/2018 00:57

If it's in his name he doesn't have to pay you anything unless you have an agreement in writing.

AjasLipstick · 03/11/2018 00:59

If your DS is 10 there's no reason your ex can't work full time surely?

SpitefulMidLifeAnimal · 03/11/2018 01:06

I must say, inmy, I am struggling to keep up with things. I remember your thread the other week about letting your exh look after your two DDs in what was previously your marital home but is now occupied by yourself and your DDs. So do you actually have two exh's and marital homes then?

Original poster
inmyshoos · 03/11/2018 01:07

Ex works p/t as has no childcare when ds not in school.

OP posts:
Original poster
inmyshoos · 03/11/2018 01:12

No spiteful I was just interested in people's opinions from the other side. Sorry for those who hate a 'reverse' but I am at the end of my rope trying to deal with ex and his demands whilst I try and make best of the situation.

My df has very kindly said if need be he could lend me 20k (He can see the stress ex is causing me) but I'm nervous about offering 20k when I know he is expecting much more.

OP posts:
RebelWitchFace · 03/11/2018 01:13

Purely on a financial level it depends how desperate you really are. If you can wait,wait.
Adding the emotional element into it,what would sort you out but be best for your son as well?