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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hold out for more money

111 replies

inmyshoos · 03/11/2018 00:20

My exh moved in our old family home although when we split I signed it over to him with the understanding that when our ds who lives with him turns 18 we will look at him giving me what I'm due from the house.
I'm short of money now and tbh would like to be able to draw a line under this.

He has offered me 20k now as a full and final settlement and he waves right to anything of mine (like my pension, he doesn't have one) or i can wait at least another 8 years and if the house prices in area remain steady I should be due around 50k.

AIBU to hold out for more? He can't borrow anymore as only works pt because he has ds so if I want money now that's the offer but I'm due more.

OP posts:
SD1978 · 03/11/2018 01:16

Get legal advice. The house is solely in your name, although all the reversing is confusing the hell out of me. So he signed over the house, on the basis that it will be sold in 8 years and you'll split the profit. How much would he get if the house sold now and the profit will split 50/50 taking into account the outstanding mortgage?

Jlynhope · 03/11/2018 01:17

So your ex has the kids and they live in the house and you want him to sell it now or give you 20k?

IWantMyHatBack · 03/11/2018 01:22

Do you not have a deed of trust?

AjasLipstick · 03/11/2018 01:22

Well why has he no childcare when DS not in school? People GET childcare....to enable them to earn more money. A 10 year old isn;t a toddler.

AcrossthePond55 · 03/11/2018 01:23

So, just to be clear...YOU are in the house with your DC. Ex signed the house over to you with the understanding that when DC turns 18 you will pay him a certain amount (£50k?). He's strapped for cash now so either 1-he wants you to give him £20k or 2-you want to offer him that lower amount now. Either way, it will be a full and final settlement of money due on the house.

Are there any legal papers setting out the original agreement? If so, I think you'd have to go back to court for a new agreement. At any rate, I'd see a solicitor before I made any offer. You're going to want to be sure that there's no way he can come back with further demands when DC turns 18.

RainbowsArePretty · 03/11/2018 01:30

Can you answer if Pond is correct as I'm confused

SophiaLovesSummer · 03/11/2018 01:30

Did you both get legal advice at the time and do you have a court order? Of, failing that, a legally binding document that you both had drawn up?

As even if you had the latter, I think I'm right in saying if that it fails the basic guiding principles of divorce then you can being it back before the Court to get it varied. That said, I can't help but be a bit 'meh' about you wanting to uproot DS from his home - what's that about?

If the house is worth £250k with a 'small' mortgage on it - what is 'small' btw? 15k? 50k? - then I'm baffled as to why your share is only 20k isyswim? What are the actual figures?

All above questions aside though, I can't really get past you wanting to throw DS out of his home Sad Where will he and his Dad go? (I'm trying to imagine the responses if you were posting about an ExH wanting you and DC out of family home and the sort shrift you'd very likely be getting. Why is he with his Dad and not you? Was that your choice or were there factors weighted against you?

Original poster
inmyshoos · 03/11/2018 01:32

We have a written agreement. Signed and witnessed but not court ordered.

He signed house over to me so he could buy another house. I gave him every last penny I had for a deposit. He isn't good with money and is making demands for his settlement now.

No way I can borrow more. I dont earn enough having had a career break to have the dc and now stuck in an area with limited job prospects and limited childcare but no option to move as dc settled in schools.

OP posts:
SophiaLovesSummer · 03/11/2018 01:34

Pond and Rainbows I think it's the other way round? OP has left the family home, left DS with exDH, is due X% of value of house at point it was agreed it would be sold - when now 10 year old DS is 18 - but wants her cash now. And think her question is should she take the £20k ExDH can afford now, or hold out - as per the agreement - until DS is 18 and get a larger sum then (presupposing house prices continue to rise).

Is that right OP?

Original poster
inmyshoos · 03/11/2018 01:36

sophie sorry I realise the confusion I've caused, I reversed the situation because I was interested to hear from the other side.
I want him off my back but I cant borrow anymore and I can't sell yet

OP posts:
SpitefulMidLifeAnimal · 03/11/2018 01:41

oh inmy, you daft article! Well, I hope all the responses show you that he's being unreasonable. Oh yes, I can well imagine he's playing the "but I didn't understaaaand it, I was rushed" card but he's a grown man is he not? I take it that he's making life rather difficult for you atm?

SophiaLovesSummer · 03/11/2018 01:45

Sweet Jesus you confused me! Rigghhhhttt, let's start again then??!

He is BVVU. It's appalling ot come to an agreement and then renege on it - with all the attendant pressure that puts on you and DC - when suits. However..

I don't think giving him £20k will be the end of it. He could argue is entitled to more, what are the actual sums we're talking about here?

Fundamantally, you need to understand that the Family Court can over-rule any 'agreement' you and he have come to, so your worst case scenario is you pay him off now but it isn't the end of it.

What are the sums and can you afford legal advice?

Original poster
inmyshoos · 03/11/2018 01:49

Spiteful he is being a shit. He is a manipulative twisted horrible specimem of a man. He is busy living carefree with his new woman, doesn't bother with his kids, is now seeing them for a few hours once a fortnight. He makes no effort with them and as a result they dont want to spend time with him which of course suits him fine. And in between this he is busy making demands on me he knows I can't meet.

And I have a dd10 who won't let me out of her sight, sleeps in my bed each night and tells me she thinks her Dad doesn't love her as much as he used to.

I just need to sort so many things out i don't know where to start.

OP posts:
Original poster
inmyshoos · 03/11/2018 02:00

Sophia the sums arent straight forward although perhaps to a court they would be

When I met him I had money, he had none and debts. I paid his debts (over 20k) and over the 12 years together invested the rest of my money in our home/lived off it. He worked p/t and was a lazy emotionally abusive shit.

To get him another mortgage I gave him the last money I had (7k.) Now i have zilch!

So we agreed when youngest is 18 he would get his share of our family home equity. He agreed I'd get back the money my parents lent me (They gave 20k to reduce mortgage to allow me to take it over so he could be free of if and get another mortgage) plus the 7k deposit I gave him. The rest would be split 70/30 To cover the debts I paid for him, me waving rights to his pension and because I have limited earning potential having been at home looking after kids and following him around the country to pursue his career

OP posts:
Original poster
inmyshoos · 03/11/2018 02:03

If house sold now and we stuck to agreement he'd be due at best around 45-55k (can't be exact figure because it's a percentage and house is a one off do hard to say what it might sell for)

No I can't afford legal advice. I'm broke.

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 03/11/2018 02:07

OK. You have a signed and witnessed agreement. Witnessed by whom? Friends? Solicitor? Notary? Joe down the pub?

At any rate, that agreement may not be worth the paper it's written on. You need to get to a solicitor PRONTO and find out what legal force it has, if any. For something to be legally binding it has to meet certain requirements and usually have specific language. Your agreement may or may not meet those requirements. Only a solicitor can tell you that, or what options you may have.

Once you've taken legal advice, only then can you make a decision. But that decision needs to be what works for YOU! To hell with what he wants. Do NOT let him bully you into doing something that is not in your best interests. The house is already in your name, free and clear correct? He has no further registered legal interest in it, correct?

And whatever decision you make, any further agreement or quit claim (if you do pay him off) needs to be drawn up by a solicitor. It may cost you to do so, but it will be the best money you ever spent.

RainbowsArePretty · 03/11/2018 02:10

I would save to get legal advice

AcrossthePond55 · 03/11/2018 02:11

If your Da is willing to lend you money to buy the bastard off, won't he lend you a couple hundred to see a solicitor? I'd be willing to be he will if he knows what's at stake.

Please don't try to handle this without legal advice.

Original poster
inmyshoos · 03/11/2018 10:58

My df would probably lend me the money but it's the principal of the matter.
Why should I go spend money on legal advice when currently his demands are just from him (He mentioned seeing a solicitor but have never had a letter) My plan was to sit tight and wait to see if he gets a solicitor involved. I doubt he will as he tells me he has no money (yet he has new clothes each time I see him)

My df thinks if he is keen to have a settlement early then if he would take the 20k it would be pressure off for me. It just depends how much he will settle for.
He is such a cocklodger it sticks in my throat to think about giving him anything.
He is still driving around in the car my df bought for us and complains to the dc it's a heap of shit Hmm

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 03/11/2018 11:11

Can you get legal aid?

DelphiniumBlue · 03/11/2018 11:13

If you are divorced and the house is already in your sole name, on what basis does he think he will get more?
I think the ball is in your court.
Don't do anything, don't borrow from anyone else , tell him there's no more money .
But do get proper advice as to whether the agreement is likely to be enforcable. In the absence of legal advice at the time of signing, it might not be watertight.

GreenTulips · 03/11/2018 11:41

If the house is in your name he can not force the sale. He has no legal right to it.
There a good chance the agreement isn't enforceable

Do nothing

Lonecatwithkitten · 03/11/2018 11:46

If you have not yet agreed your financial consent order you need to sort this out. The risk of not doing it is that you give him 20K now and in 5 years he goes after more. You can not afford not to have legal advice and get the clean break financial consent order sorted. Then there will be no further asking for money. Without the order regardless of whose names they are in all assets are assets of the marriage.

MadeForThis · 03/11/2018 12:00

You need legal advice. The house may be yours already. I definitely wouldn't give him a penny until I knew what he was legally entitled to.

BigChocFrenzy · 03/11/2018 12:12

Get legal advice
Not to solve his problem at all,
but to make sure you don't get ripped off, either by delaying or by agreeing to something
Your solicitor will safeguard YOU

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