To say no?!? It’s a wedding one....

[WeddingNC]

NC’d for this as can’t risk a massive family fall out.

My sister is getting married on May bank holiday next year. Love her fiancé, whole family very excited including us.

Wedding venue has just been booked, gorgeous place about 10 miles from home. All good so far.

Sister wants all immediate family to stay in the wedding hotel for THREE NIGHTS. Friday, Saturday of the wedding and the Sunday. Here comes the problem.

DH and I have two DC, aged just 1 and 3. The hotel only has tiny normal UK hotel sized rooms. No suites, no adjoining rooms, no big family rooms. So sister is effectively asking the four of us to live out of one bedroom for an entire bank holiday weekend when our own home is only a few miles away.

Aside from the worry of what the hell we’re going to do with two energetic toddlers in a hotel for two full days with nothing organised, AIBU for wanting to only stay on the night of the wedding???

I can’t imagine any of us getting any sleep at all when the room is so small that even the hotel themselves recommend no travel cots! We’ll all disturb each other all night and be too tired to celebrate. I also don’t want to think about getting us all ready for the wedding in a room with no floor space and a tiny en-suite shower, and no way of really entertaining the DC.

So, AIBU to suggest that we’ll join early on the morning of the wedding and stay over just the night of the wedding? We’re happy to join each day as early as they want and stay as late as we can, just don’t want to all stay in a room that’s smaller than my bedroom!

DH and I are putting this out the MN jury as we don’t want to be precious or cause any offence. We’re the only ones in the family with young children and I know my sister doesn’t really understand what she is asking of us, she just wants us all to be together for the most time possible.

What would you do?

Of course YANBU, sounds ridiculous!

You will all be fucking miserable after and hour!

Go home, sleep well! The kids will have their home comforts and toys. Not to mention you could get taxis there and back every day cheaper than what it will cost you to stay.

I think YANBU in the slightest.

As your offering to go early I can’t see that she can complain , yes you will miss breakfast but breakfast with toddlers isn’t relaxing anyway ! Tell her you want to be nice and fresh for her wedding day and if you stay the night before at the hotel there is no way you will be dancing the night away ! What does she want you all to do the day before at the hotel anyway ?

I would very gently tell your sister everything you've said. We have two small children and there's no way we could do what she's suggesting without it being extremely stressful. I assume she's just excited and wants her family around her, which is lovely, but I think with the children you need to keep to your routines as much as possible or come the wedding day they'll be overexcited and tired already and that's not fun for them or you!! Good luck.

If you can afford it, book it, under the understanding between you and your dh that you will go home if your DC become too fractious and tired you will take them home for the night.
That way, you 'show willing' but also accommodate the needs of your family.
If you can't afford it, I would just try to stay the night of the wedding and be up front about why you cannot stay the other nights.

WHY would you want everyone around for three nights of your wedding?!

I’m already in a cold sweat about all my relatives cluttering up the hotel for ONE night for mine next year

Tell her to catch herself on, it’s ludicrous.

The hotel only has tiny normal UK hotel sized rooms. No suites, no adjoining rooms, no big family rooms. So sister is effectively asking the four of us to live out of one bedroom for an entire bank holiday weekend

Loads of U.K. hotels have big rooms, suites and adjoining rooms. If this one is small, you could always get two rooms so your DH stays with one child and you in another room with the other one.

However, even if the rooms were big you would not unreasonable in wanting to stay. Could you compromise and you stay overnight with your DH and DC coming up during the daytime?

Are you a bridesmaid? Would it be feasible for you to stay on the Friday night to be with your sister then dh and dc join you for Saturday night?

Yanbu- the hotel is completely inflexible so just explain to your sister.

Has she said why she wants you to stay three nights? Does she need to "sell" all the rooms to get the venue at a particular rate?

Here’s the thing OP, you can do what you like. Anyone can. She may want you all to stay for 3 nights (why?), but it’s not practical. So don’t.

None of you have to.

YANBU at all. At all!

Why do all of you need to stay? It’s your sister so you stay and your DH and kids and come during the days to visit.

I have an 18month old and completely sympathise! In a room with us we all sleep terrible whereas at home she will sleep through. Staying the wedding night is fair enough but any longer is just not practical.

Of course YANBU.

Just tell your sister calmly that you're sorry, but that won't work for your family, and it would be a misery for everyone. You'll be staying in your own home, end of. I wouldn't even offer up a night, tbh. It's not necessary.

Are the dc invited? And no, YANBU, I’d be off home too. Are you having family time the night before? Then wedding all day Saturday and home Sunday morning after breakfast? Perfectly fine. I’d even be tempted to have a designated driver and not stay over at all. 3 nights is ridiculous.

Is she paying for everyone to stay for 3 nights??

Even if you had a whole suite it’s still not necessary for you to stay any more then the wedding night itself.

I suspect that she has signed up for booking a certain number of rooms in the hotel for the whole period.

How big is the hotel? Is it actually "the whole hotel" that she has booked?

So she may need you (or someone) to occupy (or at least pay for) that room for the whole 3 nights.

3 nights is riduculous. 1 night is pushing it if you're all of 10 minutes away.

How much of a discount on the venue is she getting for attempting to emotionally blackmail people into spending money on accommodation that isn't necessary?

Why does she want you all to stay so long? Since you're so close by surely you can join in without actually being there. I would be available for actual things she wants you to do without staying in the hotel. If she has some actual reason for you staying (I can't actually think of one) I'd stay alone and have DH and DC just stay one night.

So I'm planning my wedding just now and one of my bridesmaids (friend) is expecting and I've already been thinking about how to make it easier for her, telling her she doesn't need to stay over the night before or of etc. and my wedding is 18 months away!

She's your sister surely she'll want you guys to be comfortable and happy?

Our parents are footing the bill for rooms for all immediate family, so sister isn’t trying to get anything out of us, she just wants us all to be together.

I hadn’t thought of me staying and DH going home. We’ll think about that although I feel slightly resentful not spending the nights of the BH weekend with DH!

I think we’re going to have to say no, but I’ve no idea how to say it. I think really she would have liked a small wedding away somewhere but hasn’t gone for that and is trying to recreate the feel but it doesn’t work like that when we can practically see our house.

I don’t blame her for asking us though. I would have been similarly clueless before DC! I keep thinking we can suck it up for her and then I imagine all four of us awake at 3 in the morning surrounded by wedding paraphernalia and I want to scream nooooo!

Give her a blow-by-blow description of the kind of mood-ruining behaviour she can expect from 2 cranky toddlers. She has a very rosy view of it, but her desire to have smooth family interactions and ‘make memories’ across her wedding weekend will probably win out.

Adopt a ‘we're doing this for you and fiancé, so you get tantrum-free photos. Much as we (parents) would love to stay, we just couldn’t do that to you.’