To say no?!? It’s a wedding one....

[WeddingNC]

NC’d for this as can’t risk a massive family fall out.

My sister is getting married on May bank holiday next year. Love her fiancé, whole family very excited including us.

Wedding venue has just been booked, gorgeous place about 10 miles from home. All good so far.

Sister wants all immediate family to stay in the wedding hotel for THREE NIGHTS. Friday, Saturday of the wedding and the Sunday. Here comes the problem.

DH and I have two DC, aged just 1 and 3. The hotel only has tiny normal UK hotel sized rooms. No suites, no adjoining rooms, no big family rooms. So sister is effectively asking the four of us to live out of one bedroom for an entire bank holiday weekend when our own home is only a few miles away.

Aside from the worry of what the hell we’re going to do with two energetic toddlers in a hotel for two full days with nothing organised, AIBU for wanting to only stay on the night of the wedding???

I can’t imagine any of us getting any sleep at all when the room is so small that even the hotel themselves recommend no travel cots! We’ll all disturb each other all night and be too tired to celebrate. I also don’t want to think about getting us all ready for the wedding in a room with no floor space and a tiny en-suite shower, and no way of really entertaining the DC.

So, AIBU to suggest that we’ll join early on the morning of the wedding and stay over just the night of the wedding? We’re happy to join each day as early as they want and stay as late as we can, just don’t want to all stay in a room that’s smaller than my bedroom!

DH and I are putting this out the MN jury as we don’t want to be precious or cause any offence. We’re the only ones in the family with young children and I know my sister doesn’t really understand what she is asking of us, she just wants us all to be together for the most time possible.

What would you do?

I would not stay over at all in those circumstances. Does she (and all the other guests) want to be kept awake all night by hearing your DCs crying / yowling / playing? And why the heck does she need you there on what could be termed the honeymoon?

Oh , fgs , the worlds gone mad . 3 nights in a hotel for a wedding , no
No
No no no
No
Stay at home and turn up on the day , then get a taxi home
No

Just get 2 rooms and split the kids between you and your DH. Though I do think 3 nights is bonkers, maybe night before and night of wedding perhaps?

Even though your parents would pay for the room, your sister's motivation might still be financial, because if x number of rooms are booked she'll get a discount.

A discount on the venue, that is.

I think it sounds like a good compromise. With the little ones you will be up at the crack of dawn and needing to hang out in the room from when the kids conk out anyway, so she will still see just as much of you.

Sound suffocating!

How would you feed the baby and have toys etc in a small room? What about naps and the fact they sleep earlier?

Makes no sence

Say no, stay over on the Saturday only if you must.

Other than that you could stay Friday with your sister, and DH could join you in the morning for breakfast and another adult could babysit bringing the children later in the day ready for the wedding.

Then either all 4 day over or get a taxi back

I would be very robust about it and say that won't really work for the DC as they will be better for having their own beds at night but you are happy to get up early and join them in the morning. Don't even make staying an option. Be cheerful and upbeat about how much better it will be for everyone if the DC sleep well.

Hells Bells.... your NOT being unreasonable...

I think the compromise of you staying the night before and dh and dc the night of is a good one. That said, I wouldn't begrudge a night of a bank holiday weekend with dh over my sister's wedding, all other factors being equal.

I'm sure 2 nights would be ok for the kids. A third is a bit excessive. I would not stay for 3 nights. As for activities for the kids - you don't need organised activities. I am sure there is a garden or a lounge area. Just arrive about 4-5pm on the Friday and leave Sunday morning.

YANBU at all.

Yeah and 2 rooms is a good idea - one child with one parent. That's what my parents used to do.

BIL and SIL did this to us. Rented out the whole of a building and everyone had to stay for several nights. Our room wasn’t quite as small as the one you describe; there was at least space for a double bed and two small kid-size singles, but it was cramped, uncomfortable and insufferably hot. Sharing with the dc is not fun. I really didn’t enjoy that wedding and it cemented my opinion that BIL is a selfish bugger who puts his own wants ahead of others’ needs.

I think to keep the peace I would pretend you’re all there but just quietly let Dh take the kids home on an evening and bring them back during the days. The bride probably won’t even notice. If anyone does, just say he’s popped home for a bit to let the dc let off some steam. They don’t need to know you planned it all along.

Yanbu. There must be a travel lodge or other more family friendly hotel nearby. Stay there for the one night.

If you don't have to pay, you stay on the Friday, DH and DCs join you Saturday you all go home on Sunday, that way she has you for two nights and some sister time, and you, DH and DCs only have to spend the one night in a hotel room together. Seems a good compromise

Does your sister want to do some sort of hen night type thing on the Friday? Maybe DH can stay home with the kids and you share a room with your sis that night but I wouldn’t even stay the Saturday night to be honest.

You may find she has asked you because she has asked others, one of those situations where you'd be offended if not asked as it may have been feasible for you. Honestly I just explain and thank for the offer and to have been given the opportunity to be included x

@troodiedoo she’s 10 miles from home why on earth would she book a travelodge?

Book it. Wave them all a sleepy good night.

Then jump in the car and fuck off home.

2 hotel rooms would be easier but it seems pretty wasteful generally and especially because you live so close. I’ve just done 7 nights with a 2yo and a 4yo in a hotel room big enough for 4 which had two areas but was open plan plus a patio. It was harder work than at home as you couldn’t separate/contain them. Unless your children sleep well together and with you, I wouldn’t do more than a night. I’d be delighted to ditch my children and leave them at home with DH in favour of a night in a hotel. Any other babysitters you could rely on for a sleepover on the friday?

Nah - not at all. These situations actually stress me out. You should have a choice. One night is enough. I wouldn’t want to stay there nights and I don’t have kids! And it gets expensive. Just say it’s not practical- you’ve got kids. She should get it!

Yanbu

YANBU.

What is going on in the world when (usually) brides think they can dictate this stuff. It has nothing to do with her where you stay and sounds bloody awful with children. Mine are older and I hate staying in a hotel room together. I never sleep. Pointless when you live so close. I'd even send DH and DCs back home the night of the wedding.

@AtSea1979 go home then, even better.