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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no?!? It’s a wedding one....

104 replies

WeddingNC · 02/11/2018 20:39

NC’d for this as can’t risk a massive family fall out.

My sister is getting married on May bank holiday next year. Love her fiancé, whole family very excited including us.

Wedding venue has just been booked, gorgeous place about 10 miles from home. All good so far.

Sister wants all immediate family to stay in the wedding hotel for THREE NIGHTS. Friday, Saturday of the wedding and the Sunday. Here comes the problem.

DH and I have two DC, aged just 1 and 3. The hotel only has tiny normal UK hotel sized rooms. No suites, no adjoining rooms, no big family rooms. So sister is effectively asking the four of us to live out of one bedroom for an entire bank holiday weekend when our own home is only a few miles away.

Aside from the worry of what the hell we’re going to do with two energetic toddlers in a hotel for two full days with nothing organised, AIBU for wanting to only stay on the night of the wedding???

I can’t imagine any of us getting any sleep at all when the room is so small that even the hotel themselves recommend no travel cots! We’ll all disturb each other all night and be too tired to celebrate. I also don’t want to think about getting us all ready for the wedding in a room with no floor space and a tiny en-suite shower, and no way of really entertaining the DC.

So, AIBU to suggest that we’ll join early on the morning of the wedding and stay over just the night of the wedding? We’re happy to join each day as early as they want and stay as late as we can, just don’t want to all stay in a room that’s smaller than my bedroom!

DH and I are putting this out the MN jury as we don’t want to be precious or cause any offence. We’re the only ones in the family with young children and I know my sister doesn’t really understand what she is asking of us, she just wants us all to be together for the most time possible.

What would you do?

OP posts:
jelliebelly · 03/11/2018 00:03

YANBU what on Earth are you all going to do for 3 days/nights!! Living hell with toddlers especially if it's stifling hot in the summer

GabsAlot · 03/11/2018 00:03

sorry if i missed a post but whats is happening the fri and sat anyway?

its irrelveant if its been paid for you cant demaned people stay 3 nights somewhere for your wedding unless its abroad

LagunaBubbles · 03/11/2018 00:14

Our parents are footing the bill for rooms for all immediate family, so sister isn’t trying to get anything out of us, she just wants us all to be together

Call me cynical but I bet there is still some financial motivation here, a deal involving all the rooms for example having to be filled?

costacoffeecup · 03/11/2018 00:37

Why on earth would they get two rooms and have their parents pay for six nights of hotel rooms when they live ten miles away? Madness!

Stay the wedding night and then maybe you alone the night before at the very most. I am sure your sister won't mind if you explain the logistics of having the children there for three nights. And if she does she's very silly.

HouseworkIsASin10 · 03/11/2018 00:43

She just probably didn't want to leave you out.
It's only 10 miles, stay the Saturday and drive up for the other bits.
It's minutes in the scheme of things.
Like nipping to the shops.

Caterina99 · 03/11/2018 02:25

I have a 1 year old and 3 year old. Absolutely no way!! And I’ve traveled alone with my kids from the US to the UK so I’m not adverse to putting us out of routines and such.

At the very most we’d stay on the Saturday night, but for 10 miles I’d rather just go home. Ideally I’d get a babysitter or send the kids home with DH

HungryForSnacks · 03/11/2018 03:16

Was the original plan to make it a destination wedding and that got scaled back? Sounds like she's trying to recreate a holiday feel by staying in a hotel for 3 nights, despite it being so close to home.

Alfie190 · 03/11/2018 03:38

All of you stay for the weddi night, just you stay for the extra two nights. I think you are being a bit childish to “resent” an overnight separation from your DH for the BH. This is a one off.

FastWindow · 03/11/2018 03:44

No. She'll understand when she has kids.

Have you never made her look after yours for a night? If not, do so, now!! Open her eyes.

PyongyangKipperbang · 03/11/2018 04:04

Invite her to stay for the weekend and put her in a room with both kids. Then shortly before she leaves tell her you wont be staying over for the wedding (tbh I would get a taxi home on the night of the wedding too). She will understand.

Mummyoflittledragon · 03/11/2018 04:32

No I wouldn’t stay. But if you’re going to be there everyday (just why???) a room will be useful as a base to store stuff / manage naps etc.

On the wedding night, are you going to want to stay at the wedding later? If so room would be useful. Your dh could take the children home and you stay on to party with your family and have a nice sleep.

Going to a wedding with two small children is going to be taxing enough without adding sleeping in a tiny room into the mix. Are you lucky enough to have someone, who could take them for the night and stay as a couple on the wedding night?

MimiSunshine · 03/11/2018 04:58

No YANBU but don’t give a load of waffle about toddler behaviour etc just stick to the fact that the hotel doesn’t have a family room and aren’t big enough for 1 let alone 2 travel costs which the hotel itself doesn’t recommend bringing obviously to ensure that coupled with children don’t stay

If you get any pushback if ‘oh I’m sure you can can make it work’ just say no I really can’t make the rooms bigger but if it’s impoortant to you then we’ll book a room for the wedding night.

That way the kids will have somewhere to nap and DH can put them to bed on there for a bit too and he could always drive them home while you stay

kmc1111 · 03/11/2018 06:01

Can’t imagine why anyone would actually want their parents and siblings in a room next door on their wedding night.

PirateWeasel · 03/11/2018 06:40

No way. The fact that you have two small children who would give you hell on earth in a cramped room for three nights trumps any romantic notion your sister might have of having her family all together for breakfast (which is all it would be, as overnight you'd be in your separate rooms anyway!). For goodness sake, you'll all be at the wedding itself, and there's no reason you can't leave the kids with your DH to hang out with your sis while she gets ready. If she's that bothered about having three breakfasts with all her family, tell her you'll join her from home each morning and leave the kids with DH.

homeishere · 03/11/2018 07:01

That’s a batshit idea. Just tell her no. And I also wouldn’t be promising to arrive early each day, what will your two children do? Better to be at home for as long as possible with toys/games/CBeebies to keep them entertained.

Even on the night of the wedding I’d be getting a taxi home (and then drive there in the morning for the breakfast or whatever).

GoatYoga · 03/11/2018 07:23

I’m not sure I see the problem. I would though book two rooms (adjacent if possible) so you get extra space. Unless you are planning never to go on holiday then staying in a hotel for 3 nights is a bit of red herring - I’m sure you’ll be able to find things for the children to do, even if it’s just a trip to the local park.

junebirthdaygirl · 03/11/2018 07:27

The dc will be exhauted the day after the wedding and need to go home. Do you have inlaws nearby who could take them Sun night. Then you and dh have a nice quiet night in hotel for yourselves. So Fri night you in hotel with your own family/ Sat night ye all in hotel wrecked after long day/ Sun you and dh have a nice night together..dc with other gran sleeping off all the excitement.
My db got married a long way from home and we did 3 nights in a hotel with 3 dc after a long journey. Getting to sleep at night was a bit crazy as one woke and woke everyone else and you end up with everyone in the beds together but we survived. But we had no choice.

Chocolateandcarbs · 03/11/2018 07:57

I would ask my dh to have the children overnight at home to keep their bedtimes consistent night before wedding and probably night of so that they are well rested. I’d stay at the hotel those nights or perhaps get a late taxi home.

TheSpooktacular · 03/11/2018 08:51

Surely if the DC need a nap or change of clothes you can just borrow your DM’s room. That’s what we would do.

Alwayscheerful · 03/11/2018 16:01

I would go home each night and join them for breakfast and possibly dinner if they are eating in the hotel, arrange it with the hotel and she probably won't even know!

AuntyJackiesBrothersSistersBoy · 03/11/2018 17:37

I would do what you feel up to. Looking back to when my son was small, I gave in constantly to pressure on “family” occasions. The fact is it can be exhausting trying to do even ordinary stuff with wee ones.

BackforGood · 03/11/2018 17:50

That is batshit.
I wouldn't even stay one night.
I might potentially stay the night before with dh having the dc at home if they wanted to all be together the evening before or something.

Lolololololol · 03/11/2018 17:58

Have you spoken to your parents about it? I'm sure if you explain it to them they will understand and offer you support when you tell your sister that 3 nights isn't for you?
I find it a bit sad when I read stories on MN where people can't be open and honest with their siblings without fear of causing a family feud .

PanamaPattie · 03/11/2018 18:07

Three hours is long enough for a wedding. Three DAYS! Hell no. YANBU.

cabingirl · 03/11/2018 18:18

Would your parents be okay with paying for the three nights for you with the option of you not actually staying there for all three nights.

I would do a combination of what others have suggested. You stay on your own the first night - will give you the chance to stay up late with your sister and have some pre wedding family time. Plus you get a great night's sleep on your own and a lie in!

All of you stay the night of the wedding - plus as people have mentioned you get the chance to have a room at your disposal all day for the kids to nap or play in.

On the Sunday - you won't have to rush to get out of the room by check out time and can take your time to pack up - join in some family activities and then go home to your own beds that night. No-one will miss you the next morning as they will all be getting ready to check out.

So if your parents don't mind paying for a room which is empty on the Sunday night it could be an option.