To feel judged by these comments

[Cathcarter]

My DD wanted to go trick or treating with a school friend. I don’t know the parent well but our daughters have been friends for over a year so I texted to ask if DD could join. I reveived this (edited) response. DD2 is my Year 6 child. I don’t wear make up myself and neither do either of my daighters generally, although DD2 is occasionally allowed gloss.

‘Yes, DD can go around with XX.... Face paints for the costume are fine but please no use of makeup (saw DD2 is using makeup already - we would appreciate no pressure from DD on that during primary school).’

What a daft cow.

I confused. Is DD2 in year 6, your elder daughter who wore minimal makeup to a film night?

And DD3 is your younger daughter, age 8,who wanted to go trick or treating?

Regardless, tell her to bog off. Does she wear make up?

I would text back " Yes I agree standards should be set, I won't be policing or dispensing unsolicited advice to parents about what their children do orwear and will expect this in return " you wouldn't want to p iss off a load of parents and have no children for your previous snowflake to trick or treat with now will you?

OP I think the mother was rude, but you have put that DD2 occasionally wears lip gloss, then contradicted yourself with; It feels to me a giant leap to make from seeing DD2 wear a bit of make (once at a school film night, apparently - def not full make-up because I was there
So which is it? DD2 occasionally wears enough make up another parent noticed, or she just wears lip gloss? Also have you just had the film night or was it last year when she was only Year 5?

None of these things give her the right to make rude comments though, but maybe she just thinks you allow your dd's to wear make up at a young age and she doesn't want her dd to do that. It is all very well saying well she just has to tell her dd that she can't wear it, her dd will probably be saying well its not fair because Cathcarter's dd wears make up why can't I. As soon as one girl starts wearing make up (usually with an older sister), a lot of the time others want to copy.

I'd be responding with "i'm not quite sure what you think you have to discuss with me about my older daughter wearing some lip gloss occasionally. It's really nothing to do with you, and has zero impact on your child. I'm also rather shocked and disappointed that you think my children would be "pressuring" your preciousprincess in any way."

^^ This
Who the fuck does she think she is? Tell her to talk to the hand. Cheeky, sanctimonious cow.

Lip gloss is make up (balm/Chapstick not) and I would be surprised to see a ten year old wearing it other than maybe at a school disco, but I wouldn't have said anything. Just ignore her

Bloody hell, the cheek of that woman!! OP I'd be the exact same as you. But no, she is definitely the one in the wrong here.

Are you going to say anything more to her?

I wouldn’t be having anything to do with the mother or meeting to discuss or anything. She would be firmly put into the batshit nightmare parent category that I would avoid at all costs. If your kids want to play together at school then great but I wouldn’t be arranging anything involving me outside of school again.

Text back a massive “LOL” right now. What a twat.

My Y5 bloody loves make up, has loads and applies it well.

I allow eyeshadow in many amazing shades, lip stick and lip gloss, blusher and eye liner - for “flicks”.
I don’t allow mascara because she has massive lashes and I don’t want wands near her eyes.

I don’t allow foundation because I won’t support the message that there is anything wrong with skin that isn’t one single shade.

Before she was born, I would not have recognised my position! I thought make up on Children was growing up too fast, making themselves “nice” for boys, not being happy with their looks.

None of that applies for my daughter. Well - she does want to grow up too fast! But make up isn’t making that happen. She likes make up because it’s fun. Choosing eyeshadow if the same to her as choosing a sparkly top or shiny shoes. I have surprised myself by being really relaxed about make up - and I don’t wear any at all!

Honestly, if I’d got that first message I wouldn’t have been offended at all. Some of her friends have parents who prefer the make up boxes not to come out on play dates at my house!

I’ve explained to my daughter that pressure doesn’t only mean actually pushing someone to do something. It also means them seeing you, and thinking they “ought” to be doing it. So the use of the word pressure wouldn’t have bothered me.

BUT... bloody hell, the follow up message? I take it all back - judgemental cow! 😳

My daughter could perfect a full face of make up age 9 (it was something she enjoyed doing) BUT she knew nothing more than a bit of mascara, powder and light lipstick/gloss any other time - after 5 months she stopped wearing any - now at 13 rarely wears any at all other than lipbalm and is not fussed even though school allow it - don't see where the pressure is other than from Mum to be honest. I suspect she has been nagged by daughter that yours is allowed it and so on and has believed it from her DD.

As soon as anything is banned it creates a tension and its her issue not yours.

I would feel the same, op, because she's talking to you as if you are 8 yearsold. Not on at all

Yeah, same here RB68. You ban it, it becomes a forbidden fruit and more desirable.

DD2 said half the kids in the class still had bits of Hallowe'en make-up still on which they had missed the next day!

My DD is 10 and loves makeup. She's better at it than me.

I also tried to limit make up primary school to lip gloss and no more. There was a lot of peer pressure from other Y6 girls and I had words with the school about it and there were arguments with my DD.

By Y7 I recognised that I was fighting a losing battle!

However I do think it's rather strange to come on here and proudly say that your 10 yr old loves makeup!

I've been wearing sparkly lipgloss, nail polish and body glitter since I was tiny, my mum even did my make up properly for parties and school discos when I was in Years 5 and 6, I don't think anyone ever told her off for it!

OP, I'd let her have it. How is your daughter wearing some freaking lipgloss (some lipglosses are just glorified lip balms anyway, some may disagree but I'll point you to Carmex in a tube) going to affect her daughter? I wonder if she going to outright ban it till her DD is 18*, in which case, I bet her DD rebels.

*I know people who do that and I think they're ridiculous. I know the beauty industry is problematic, but I also see make up as an art form and a form of self expression.

Ellisandra That sounds like my make-up philosophy! I hate foundation, but give me the colourful stuff and I'm as happy as a pig in mud. I love make-up shops/counters.

I feel sorry for this woman's children (not you, OP, the other one). I kind of agree that children wearing make up make me feel weird but I also think that as a parent you have a responsibility to set the boundaries you feel are appropriate without alienating the whole fucking world. Great, now her daughter has missed out on a social occasion because her mum has offended someone.

I wish people like this, who would insist (as if they are the only ones) they just care about their kids could understand that healthy peer relationships are really important to children and young people; and that they're denying their children important healthy stuff when they crash about like this, making it hard for their children to socialise.

However, OP, your post makes no sense. You have an 8 year old and a year 6? Which one wears lipgloss, which, by the way, is makeup? And which one is the one who is friends with the other woman's daughter?

urgh. Make up (and yes lip gloss is make up) on preteen girls is grim.

All the people on here that a fine with primary aged kids wearing make up...I assume you've encouraged your boys to wear it just as much right?

Because if you haven't you're all just piling on the sexist stereotyping when society is already creaking with it.

YeahCorvid
If I'm reading right, I believe the OPs older daughter in year 6 wore the make up, but it's her 8-year-old dd who has the friend with this mother, who is worried the older sister will be a so-called bad influence

Also M3lon if my primary aged ds wanted to play and put on make-up at home, I would let him, same as the girls

It is not your job to set expectations around what my daughter wears or doesn’t wear, and I don’t know where you got the idea that it was.

I don't have boys, but yes I'd be fine with them experimenting with make-up.