About new boyfriend?

[WoefulLove]

I have been seeing new bf for two months.

He is really sweet, caring and makes a real effort to see me, but some things are making me question whether this man is right for me.

First off, he smokes weed about 3 times a day. This makes him anxious, but he doesn't show this anxiety when he's with me. He's very upbeat when he's with me but a 40-odd year old still smoking weed? Pfftt!

The second thing is he seems to drift from job to job. He is currently out of work after his last place of work told him he wasn't strong enough manually. He does want to work he says, but whenever I show jobs to him, he says college is more important (he is doing 2 hours per week studies). He is currently on the dole so no nice meals out unless I pay and all our days out are free like walks. When he stays over it riles a bit when i'm leaving for work at 7am and he's still in bed doing with the day as he pleases. He does plan to get a job he says but hasn't applied for one in the month and a half he's been unemployed.

He told me he loved me recently which is really nice, but i'm just questioning whether he's right for me.

Doesn't sound like a keeper to me. Weed, unemployed, unmotivated 40 year old.... what a catch!

Regardless of whether his life choices are right , it sounds like you're having doubts. If the person you see isn't for you then it's a non starter.

I see no positives to this man

Cut your losses, you're 8 weeks in! I'm guessing he'll be quite happy for you to keep paying for nice things etc whilst he is busting himself with his two whole hours of study a week.

Where is he getting money for weed if he isn't working?

It sounds like your values are incompatible.

Why do some women set standards so low? It’s depressing really.

His 40 smokes weed, no job, no motivation. Clearly his a massive catch love and obviously people are going to tell you to hold on to him 🙄

It’s too early in any relationship for these kind of doubts to be creeping in. That resentment you feel now will only build up. Sorry but don’t waste any more of your time with him.

Is this the best you think you can do? You're worth more than this.

Cut your losses and aim higher.

I'd move on before I was head over heels, he'd moved in with me, and I was buying his clothes and food personally.

I don’t know if he is right for you, but not for me.

He’s useless. Get out now while it’s still early days.

In fact, I reckon a "Dear John" phone call would have been quicker than typing out that post on here.

He sounds exactly like my best friend's ex. A useless weed smoker from day one, who cocklodged for years while she worked two jobs to support them. Oh yeah, plus he knocked her about because, you know, his self esteem was suffering because she was the breadwinner.

Bin him, block him, please.

Surely you can do better than an unemployed druggie.

I binned a boyfriend for exactly the same whilst I was in my early 20's ( both same age ) even as a young adult I found this unacceptable never mind being 40 something!

What an absolute looser OP, get rid. Unless you are willing to 'fund' his addiction and jobless lifestyle.

So he can afford weed ( which isn't cheap) but can't afford to treat you to any meals out etc.... hmmm... he's a right catch, I would be embarrassed I was still dating him if I was you 

Agree with everyone else.

Find a decent self respecting man.

He sounds like a waste of oxygen

You already know the answer to this one OP.

I would also question where he gets the money from to buy weed? Three times a day every day is a huge amount, and he has a serious problem.

I am concerned that you have been seeing someone for a matter of weeks and if he stays over you leave him on your house on his own while you go off to work??

Why do you want to be with an unemployed drug addict? Do you have DC that are exposed to his drug children? (Don't want to assume you have DC but as this is MN you may well do). If so, this is not a healthy relationship for them to witness, and this is not a man to be bringing into their lives.

Get rid of him now, OP, before it's too late. He's telling you he loves you because he sees what he can get out of you. Take care.

It sounds like he found a lovely cushy number, who pays for nice meals out, provides a warm bed in a nice flat and works full time - while he does TWO HOURS a week.

He will end up as your dependent if you let him. Is that what you want?

who would be attracted to that? he is a 40 year old sponger that goes to college 2 hours a week? :S what kind of course is he even doing? sorry but unless you want to live a boring life constantly being the wallet then get rid.

Paying for drugs while on the dole isn't great. Also pretty sure there's jobs that will accommodate him going to college for 2 hours a week if he was motivated, but he doesn't sound like it.
Sorry I'd leave him. Maybe try again once he's got his life together a bit more?

You need to set your sights higher, OP.

A 40-year old loser who smokes weed, lies in bed all day and can't be arsed to work?

Who is paying for his weed?

Throw this one back in the pond.

You need to set your sights higher, OP. A 40-year old loser who smokes weed, lies in bed all day and can't be arsed to work? Who is paying for his weed?

^^ Oh god, this this and this again.

Get rid. Get rid and FAST. What a complete loser.

He is not right for you. You will meet someone better, but not while you are still with him.